Life Chapter by Chapter

under construction...

2011-10-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

last year around this time i created a vision board for the first time, set my intentions with a prayer and a promise. at that time i'd figured fall was a good time to plant the seeds for change.

come the fall, summer's efforts take a final bow in blazing glories of color. the big show before the earth takes its winters rest. on top the earth sleeps, but below life continues to happen. roots soak up nutrients, gain strength for the big "come back" in the spring.

i look at fall as my true "new year." a time to hunker down, go within, clean my spiritual, mental and physical house and make way for something new.

last fall, on the eve of the autumnal equinox i went to work and set my intentions on my board. i placed the board on the wall in my kitchen, the room i frequent mostly in my home. i'd like to think that it inspires others as well as me. it was neat seeing family friends stop and read my little note cards and gaze at the photos placed here and there around the board. and i think that for me it added to accountability factor - these people who mean the world to me reading my hopes, plans and dreams for the year ahead.

i'm a little late this year in getting my board up. i've been working on my list though. for months i've been working on it. this year i'll be focusing more on health, wellness, self improvement. stillness. peace. developing a deeper spiritual life. and keeping promises to myself about writing, creating, resting. i'm going to post my list here, on my blog. and my journey. blog and life: under construction and transformation.

this morning i read something that stuck with me all day, really hitting a mark. it was about the butterfly. these days those fluttery, gorgeous little insects are so overdone. everyone loves butterflies. but probably everyone always did. now they're just "gone commercial." anyhow, the piece that i read reflected on how when the caterpillar goes from chrysalis to butterfly it's an incredibly painful experience. for the butterfly, stretching out of that cocoon/chrysalis and moving those wings really hurts! but look at what happens...from little caterpillar to cocoon and then to butterfly, the beautiful transformation. ah...inspiration!

i know what i need to change in my life. i know some of it won't necessarily be pleasant and sometimes might hurt. but in order to make the transformation my heart so desires, there isn't any other way. it's so worth it though.

i have a big week ahead. catering a wedding for the first time with my sister this weekend. nervous? you betcha. but when the dust settles on this big event i'm putting my vision board, and my life wishes on the front burner. my new vision board will be up within the next two weeks. before that happens i'll reevaluate my lists, add or subtract where need be. i can't wait. but the excitement, the change, the commitment starts here, now.

no time like the present to begin to live the life we're destined to live, no? no time like the present to give ourselves the best gift ever - attention. personal housekeeping.

ever transforming, always desiring to reach...

a simple request...

2011-08-01T19:04:00.001-07:00

a simple request. cold milk. peaches. it was the last two things i heard my dad ask for. cold milk. peaches. on his death bed, in his last days, that's what he asked for. not on the same day. on different days, close between, during his last week of life. not i wish i'd scaled the himalayas. not i'm so sad i never went to maui. not i wish i wish i'd made more money or gone more places or had more stuff. nada. just cold milk. peaches.

i bought peaches a few days ago. couldn't pass them up on my trip to the market. they called me as i walked by. PEACHES. bought cold milk that day too. bought the stuff that dad asked for during his last 4 days or so. not without hardly a thought though. just bought them. i guess i could say that's "peaches and milk" in itself, no? being able to just do that?

as i've made my way through the "stages of grief" over the past year, cold milk and peaches reverberated through my mind. not the actual peach or the glass of milk, but the simple request. the "simple" of it. because through my dad i learned that that's what it all boils down to...the simple things.

the fan blowing my hair around as i write tonight, the feel of the cool air about me. looking over and seeing my husband snoozing on the sofa, the overwhelming love i have for him. an email exchange with friends today, the lifelong kind, that had me in stitches at my desk (sorry eliz, yes, between writing newsletter text i was planning that camping trip that you're going to cover for me for at the library), getting in my silly little car and laughing my ass off at how happy i am for this little new to me dream. listening to my xm station (it came with the little car) music from the 1940's which is the music of my life, coming home, watering flowers, petting the cat, reading a good book. peaches and milk, that's what it is, my life...the day to day - peaches and milk.

from here on, when life is the total shit (which thanks be to god, my life pretty much is) i'm just going to say "peaches and milk!" awesome, wow, holy crap, this is the shiznitz begone, it's now "peaches and milk!!" in memory of my dad. and how that's who he was, a man of simple pleasures, a man of family, a calm and gentle man if ever there was one.

peaches and milk...dad, that's what you were. you were the sun and the moon and everything strong and safe to me. i can't believe...i cry at the cold reality that it's been a whole big wide year since i've seen you. but i guess that's not entirely true, as i've seen you in the forest preserve when i go for my morning walk. i see you in ella's face when she says "i miss my pop pop." i see you in my sister's eyes for oh, how she so looks like you. i see you in the night sky, ever more so this summer as the crickets and cicadas sing their zizzy little songs of love. i see you, i feel your love wrap around me in the twist of the summer breeze.

a year. 365 days to say "this is the first" this or that without you here. but you have been, here. and those words, probably your best lesson taught yet - peaches...cold milk. the simple stuff. a summer night. my son upstairs safe and sound. my stephanie, healthy...vital, celebrating her 13th wedding anniversary this night. my lindsey, calling me to ask if she can order me a few good bottles of wine....everything i'll ever need is as simple as peaches and milk - it's all right here beside me. my family. just like my dad, it's all i need...not the fancy stuff, just this.

been away from this writing place for a long time,

but all the same,

wishing you

peaches, lots of fresh sweet summer peaches

and a tall glass of icy cold milk...

-t.

p.s. thanks to katie for the nudge. i'm not a fancy writer, but i do so love the craft.

photo: my daddy with ella. he never said so, but i just know she was his favorite:)

special gift, special friend...

2011-03-18T13:57:00.000-07:00

i can't wait to share...

this is one of the birthday gifts

i created for my darling nancy -

sister of my heart & too far away friend.

her birthday was a bit over a week ago, so...

BELATED HAPPY BLOGGY BIRTHDAY NANS!

for my nans i knew that not just any gift would do.

i wanted to make her something special,

as she is so very special to me.

so along with a hefty supply of my homemade granola
(which nans refers to as her "comfort food")

and a week's worth of crocheted dish cloths

(a casual hint before christmas -

"what i could really use are some of those crocheted dish cloths!"

see nans? i didn't forget; i just hope they stay together!)

i created a set of jewelry, especially for her...

i've long wanted to play around with the fun vintage

collections of findings, charms and such

that i've spied in the craft stores,

on etsy, and pretty much everywhere.

so on a rainy/snowy saturday morning a few weeks back

i went in search of the perfect pieces to create

a one of a kind gift for a

one of a kind friend.

it was such fun matching pieces i already had
along with treasures i found at the store.
i was in heaven that afternoon in my craft room...
at my work table, thinking of this dear friend,
working on these fun pieces, an audio book
spinning a story for me in the background
(the widower's tale by julia glass - excellent story).

i was thrilled with how the necklace
and matching earrings turned out.

the charms are not without their meaning...
the heart represents our relationship.
we are, indeed, sisters of the heart,
and the bird represents flight;
flight as in although my nans is far away
this is to remind her of how i look forward
to the time when she will again "fly away home"
to me, to her book club gals,
all of us who miss her and can't wait for the
time when we're together again.

i adore the corner of my house that's left just for me,
a bedroom left vacant by daughter #2.
it's mine now and i love it.
and i simply love the possibility
of the things yet to create.
when i take time, make time
to let my imagination take flight.
and what better inspiration
than a gift for a friend
who is, in turn, a gift to me.

happy weekend...
-t.

on shamrocks and the color green...

2011-03-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

funny, isn't it, how on st. paddy's day we all feel a bit luckier wearing a bit of the green? there's not an irish bone in my body, but i feel it too - a touch of luck for me courtesy of the tiny green crystals that accompany the silver shamrock accessorizing my otherwise blah all black outfit today. i wear the necklace in honor of my gram - elizabeth shirley mccauley milanich. does a name get any more irish than that? well, except for the milanich part, which is serbian and courtesy of my gramps.

my gram was as irish as the day is long. red hair with a gorgeous natural curl, deep blue eyes, and a smattering of freckles that made her only that much more lovely. beautiful, really. because of my gram, i can't get through a rendition of "danny boy" or "when irish eyes are smiling" without a good cry. for my gram was that - a true irish rose with eyes that smiled like no other.

i've a few facts to share today on the wearing of the green...legend has it that the custom was born with the color of the shamrock. st. patrick himself was said to have used the leaves of the shamrock to teach about the trinity - the stem representing one divine nature and the green leaves are the three persons which comprise that nature; father, son and holy spirit. i like that idea, what it symbolizes.

another explanation for the wearing of green on st. paddy's day dates back to the 18th century. the irish were said to have worn green in an attempt to remain invisible to leprechauns. i guess the story goes that the little guys were color blind when it came to green. leprechauns had the stinky little reputation for pinching people, did you know that? me either. but if you wear green, they can't see you, therefore they can't pinch you:)

on the flip side, some folks say that the green is actually thought to be the leprechauns favorite color, therefore considered to be an unlucky color in ireland. an irish bride would never be caught wearing a stitch of green on her wedding day!

so there you have it. i guess either way - whether you're wearing green or not - beware of the pinch of the leprechaun. ha! with that, on this gorgeous st. paddy's day in chicagoland (where temps are expected to be in the mid 60's), i leave you with, what else?, an irish blessing...

may your blessings outnumber

the shamrocks that grow

and may trouble avoid you

wherever you go

wishing you the luck of the irish,

-t.

p.s. corned beef, cabbage and a hearty loaf of rye are what's for dinner tonight.

i can't wait!

notes on lent and the blessing of a good friend...

2011-03-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

there's nothing quite like a having a friend that you can share your faith with. someone to discuss the wide open range of heavenly things and how they apply daily to our lives here on earth. i'm lucky enough to have such a friend. her name is carolyn and if i had a dollar for each time i've said to her "i'm so glad we met," well...i'd have enough for a plane to ticket to somewhere, that's for sure.

we met over a shared sandwich. well, we weren't sharing the same sandwich actually. we weren't even sharing the same table. i was sitting with a few friends and carolyn was at the table next to me. i happened to notice that carolyn was eating the same sandwich as i was - a "to this day memorably delicious" panini with warm, savory goat cheese, apricot preserves and almonds tucked inside. i've yet to recreate this sandwich, but it's on my list, none the less.

at a break in the conversation at my table i leaned over and said to this stranger, "isn't that the most delicious sandwich ever?" she started with a laugh (which has since become music to my ears) and whole heartedly agreed with me. that gave opening for carolyn to ask me about the conversation we'd been having - books, book clubs, etc. her best friend having just moved out of state and across the county, carolyn was in particular need of the company of friends - a group to become a part of, and had also had a long expressed interest in becoming a part of a book club.

not one to leave anyone on the sidelines of life, i eagerly invited carolyn to join us for book club and long story long, she's been a part ever since. not part of just one book club, but of all three that i lead at the library. i'm happy to say that in the time since, we've become dear friends as well. friends who share interests, hobbies and above all else, a strong and abiding faith.

last christmas we became "advent buddies." carolyn found a little booklet of daily scripture readings and devotions which led us through a month long celebration of the season of advent. the shared experience lent a much deeper meaning to christmas for me. i truly needed that, the "more" part, as it was the first christmas where my dad would be watching it all from heaven.

since then, and in the weeks leading up to lent, carolyn and i both agreed that we'd like to progress from "advent buddies" to "lent partners." again we went in search of a method of study, a booklet to guide the way. find one we did, and we are now on our individual yet together subsequent lenten journeys. we haven't discussed the "what we're giving up" part of lent, not on purpose but pretty much because it just hasn't come up. and that's not what's most important, i think, about lent. people get so hung up on that part and fail to dig deeper into the true meaning of repentance, of giving up, of letting go.

turning away from, confessing, admitting to things which cause us to stumble. things which hide our true nature, and in turn cause us to hide from god. and to have a season in which to come clean - repent, be renewed - isn't that the greatest gift? to sacrifice, to be made new, to draw ever closer to a loving god that gave everything he could possibly give - what more could i ever ask for? nothing. absolutely nothing. my life is a gift. and carolyn is a gift, a friend to share my faith with. a friend to ponder life's ultimate questions with. who is honest, loving and of such integrity. and her laugh, heavens...her laugh. if only you could hear.

on that day, at the restaurant, i opened up to a stranger. not an accident. there are no accidents where god is concerned. and through opening up myself to carolyn, god has opened himself up to me in a way i've never experienced. through advent, through lent, through ways yet unknown to me. and through the musical laughter of a good friend.

his ways are marvelous, they are mysterious, they are perfect in every sense. and they are right for me. for that i live my life as a prayer, in gratitude.

his love,

his peace,

may they be your's...

-t.

photo: early pre-spring morning in the forest preserve:)

Lost in thoughts of you...

2011-01-20T11:15:00.000-08:00

today i wish there was a place i go could
where i would see you
your gentle, loving, father face
not like the last time i saw you
but maybe a month before that
when you were in the car, ready to go
and we were talking, even though mom
had the car running and exhaust fumes
clouded our conversation
i can remember how your face looked
in conversation with me
and after you left, i’d wished i’d taken
that conversation more seriously.
‘cuz i had a feeling about that conversation,
that day, seeing you enjoy your family,
playing with tyler and ella
oh, the look on your face that day
the next time i saw you there was worry
mixed with pain and exhaustion
but even still, on that day,
we had a little bit of conversation and
i cooked for you and you said
“honey, this is so good”
i guess that’s my fear, dad, that i will forget...
your face, your loving eyes
and the gentle sound of your voice.
for just one moment,
i just wish i could hear your voice again.
for this moment, in my desire to see you
i look up.
my eyes fixed on heaven.
my worry abates.
the sound of your voice fills my mind.
music, to my ears.
“there’s a new dawn for me”
you told me and i know
you’re home, but you’re here too,
watching me, listening, guiding even still.
and today, like so many days since you’ve been gone,
i want you to hear me say,
i love you dad.
like my heavenly father is with me,
i will never let you go.

-t.

this post went right from heart and onto the page - no editing, which probably shows -

but sometimes i think we need to do that. just let it spill. say the words. feel the emotion.

today i do, feel a lot of emotion, and this is my healing.

January writing promp..."I used to think..."

2011-01-18T15:18:00.000-08:00

When I was young, I used to think that I had the power to compel people to change. I thought that if I loved hard enough, believed enough and prayed my guts out I’d have the ability to make change happen. In addition, my immaturity had me believing that change was easily rendered. I gave so little concrete regard to change in its true context, treating it as little more than a word, a wish, a prayer – change for myself and change in others.

I’ve grown though and always, isn’t life the best teacher? Similarly, through intense study and discussion (with my amazing women’s group), I’ve come to appreciate the true essence of change. I’ve gained insight into the fact that change and the power to do so resides only in the individual. No amount of wishing, hoping, “gently” manipulating or controlling will bring about change in another.

These days I find that I’m reminding myself often that the only one I have the power to change or to control is me. Expecting anything more than that is futile – wasted energy, wasted time. When it comes to dealing with the expectations of new outcomes, I look right in the mirror. And in dealing with people in my life that I have a difficult time with, that’s were I begin. That’s where I go – inside myself, with keen awareness that although I can’t change situations or the behaviors of others, I do have that control in how I react.

Transformation is impossible when applied to things which are out of my control, but when I apply it to me, transformation, change, is limitless. Sounds simple, but from a gal who has been known to be a bit of a control freak for the better part of her life, it’s not, hardly. But in identifying and understanding my lack of control regarding others I have found such peace. Likewise I’m finding that the change I was so hoping for tends to happen by osmosis – either I see things more clearly, or in a different way, or I remove myself from the situation or the individual I’m at odds with. And too I tend to give things to God and let him pick up where I leave off in frustration.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Ghandi’s quote dances ‘round my mind often. It’s not an easy practice, but with practice I’ve experienced an enormous sense of liberation - liberation from worrying about things and people I can’t fix – liberation from worrying about things and people that aren’t my business to fix. These days I’m minding my own business. Being the best that I can be and just letting go. I’d like to think I’ve become a better person for it – a better wife, mother, sister, and friend. I love, I pray, I let go and I let God. And you know what? In the end things work out exactly the way they were meant to be without any help from me.

Change is good, change is real.

Change happens when we're willing to do the work.

On ourselves, that is.

striving to do better, everyday...

-t.

2011-01-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

although i've been quiet on the blogging front, as always, i think about writing. and when i think about writing, i think about writing as an inspiration. to me. to whomever reads me. i'm over my head with inspiration as this new year breezes in. inspired to be better, do better. in 24 hour increments. not take the whole "resolution" gig 20 pounds at a time, or 3 closets (of organization) at a time. but just day by day. some days i'll celebrate a bit more success, and other days not so much. but i won't beat myself up over it.

i know what i want for myself, and i intend to have it. my buzz word for the promises i've made to myself is "nonnegotiable." nonnegotiable as in, that's the deal - no excuses - you can't go back on the intentions you've set. i just keep thinking about that word, and the impact its had on me. nonnegotiable. this is it. i am so worthy of the agreements i've made with myself. you are too.

i get shivery happy at the promise of the dawn - 24 hours of new possibilities. 1,440 precious minutes to live in the moment. make positive choices for myself. to love. to smile. to be happy. to rejoice and give thanks. and to work, to go in the direction of my intentions.

my huz said it again just the other day when we were out walking - "i can always count on you to put a positive spin on things." that's me, as best i can i'm pretty positive. and i'm positive about the promises i've made to myself. the intentions i've set for myself in this new year. with each new day i'm positive that i'll keep those promises.

how are you doing with your promises? have you given up on yourself? don't. you deserve to live the life of your dreams. just take it a day at a time, and realize how lovely you are and how you so deserve your heart's desire. no matter what it is, if it's for you, then it's worth working for.

woo, heavy for just being back on the page. this is one of the things i want to do better at too. daily blogging. always, i'm all the better for it when i do.

wishing you lovely things

today and all the year through

one day at a time:)

-t.

Library closed...

2010-12-10T05:04:00.001-08:00

I'm really excited about heading off to work today. Wait...I'm pretty much excited about that EVERY day - but, well...today's different. Today our director is conducting a staff institute day. A day set aside for training, updating, etc. And quite frankly it's pretty much my favorite work day of the year.

You see, I work with the best group of people. Honestly, the staff at my library are some of the most interesting people I know. They're people I really like to be with. Sound weird, uncommon, when one's referring to their co-workers? Maybe so, but for me this is just one more blessing in my life.

My husband was telling me last night that the company he works for is concerned about the rapid rate of employee "turn around." People come, people go - and quickly. Not so where I work. People come, people stay. And for a LONG time. One of my co-workers was telling me yesterday that with the stress in her life at home she couldn't imagine not having the library to go to each day. Can you imagine?

What's the secret? People. People coming together in a place where they have common interests - books, music, films, information, knowledge. Libraries are the coolest places around. And we're so lucky - in our library we even have a place for everyone. Teens, adults, kids - goodness, our children's department is the most kid friendly place ever. My kids are grown and on their own now but when they were little, even though we lived in the district of another "award winning" library down the street, I ALWAYS brought my kids to Wauconda Library. It's the best.

When it comes to people, I also mean the people who walk through the doors each day - our patrons. Neat people, honestly. We're lucky too that our little community totally embraces and really USES the library. The place is like Grand Central Station pretty much most of the time. A local organization recently did a survey in our community; neighbors were asked to name the spot where they go for recreation and fun. Guess what everyone's favorite was? You got it - the LIBRARY!! Imagine that, a building that holds books, and SO much more.

The schedule for today is a visit to the new Fox Lake Library. We'll meet their staff, have a tour, and scour their collection. It's so good to have an opportunity to do this - travel outside our own front door and see how someone else does it. Compare and contrast, so to speak. I'm pretty excited to see this new library and happy too for the citizens of Fox Lake. They were long overdue for an updated library.

After the library visit we're having a staff lunch. And can I tell you how fun it is to sit and dish with the people I work with? We're a family, that's the way I see it. The afternoon will be spent at our own library, and it's always weird to be there sans patrons. Strange, really. We'll be doing staff training, listening to speakers, etc. The day will end with a "state of the library" address by our director. I always look forward to this too. He'll speak on where we've been, where we're going, and how we can better serve our community.

Do I sound like a dork, being so happy and excited for this day of bibliotecha bliss? Probably. I've been a library geek my whole life long and it's served me well. Books, books and more books. Another form of heaven entirely.

Books do a brain good.

Try a book today:)

Luv,

-t.

Heaven is a place...

2010-12-08T11:55:00.000-08:00

When the cold chill pain of losing my dad sets in, I immediately work to re-route my thoughts. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes not. There are times when only tears will do to wash away the sadness of his last days. At least this was how I had been thinking until it dawned on me today (as I sat working away my desk, Pandora radio plugged in to classic Christmas music) that I should be happy. Celebrating actually, for my Dad. This is his first Christmas in Heaven!

All along, while he was so sick and slipping away from us day by day, I leaned on my faith. I spent hours praying over my dad - for God to take him home. With dad, as his witness as he yet again recommitted his heart to Jesus. I know beyond the farthest shadow of a doubt that my Dad's in heaven.

In the grips of losing someone we love, it's easy to rest on the mere "notion" of Heaven. It gives us comfort to think, imagine a better place where our loved ones will be welcomed home and be set free from suffering and illness. But in reality, do we really "believe" in heaven? Why only rest on Heaven's promise at the most crucial moments?

In mourning my Dad, missing him and feeling bad that he's not here with me, I'm going to focus on where he is IS - Heaven. How could I possibly be sad for him when I know (as a child of God) the promise of Heaven and eternal life?

He's there, my Dad's there - in Heaven, at the most precious time of the calendar year. The most celebrated time in Heaven. Christ's birth. He's there for the party! And that's what this daughter is going to focus on in the days to come - my Dad, truly in heaven. Gosh, can you imagine?? Yay Dad! Yay God, for His mercy. His grace. For the promise of the cross. And for Heaven...free to all who believe. And my Dad did. I was his witness. That was his final gift to me, and the best one he ever gave.

Celebrate today, but don't forget to plan for tomorrow.

Blessings,

-t.

2010-11-17T14:11:00.000-08:00

Color me a bad blogger. I say that because I recently read on another blog that “a good blogger blogs everyday.” So I guess that makes me a bad blogger. That also makes me guilty of wanting to do so many things, far more than I have time for in a day. And I’m sure that also places me in good company.

The company of you, the company of us. Sisters with a full plate. The alarm clock in the morning sounding off like a pop gun at the starting line of a race. If we listen closely we can imagine a voice from a make-believe press booth yelling out over a crackly PA system, “Annnnddddd she’s off!!” And we are, off and running. Our day a race, the finish line too far in the distance to be visible.

Breakfasts, lunches, work, exercise, jobs, dinners, dishes, laundry, home care, childcare (though not for me, I’m past that but I am happily committed to helping with my Grand Beans whenever I can). Our to-do list agendas for one day could easily fill two or more! Where to find time to be creative? To write, stitch, photograph, scrap, paint, daydream, sing, dance...?

In the little moments, the times in between. We just have to seek, find, and sometimes create that time. It’s so important, vital to who we are and who we’ve yet to become. Time to read. To sit and crochet. To make bread (yep, I’m a crazy bread maker. I cringe when I have to resort to buying it – all this thanks to that “Artisan Bread in 5 minutes a Day" book I’ve been telling you about).

Not only do we have to create time for ourselves, but also we need to make it a priority. Because all work and no play can leave us feeling flat. Uninspired. I hate feeling that way.

I’ve taken to traveling with my crochet bag, wherever I might go. I make no apology for crocheting at family gatherings or in groups of people. When I’m sitting among people I take out my hook and yarn and stitch away, delighting (and participating too) in the conversation around me. I find the act of working with my hands while being stimulated by the talk of kindred spirits which surroudn me to be blessedly gratifying, heaven almost. I can’t think of a better way to totally relax and be at peace.

I seek time for lots of little hobbies – jewelry making, creating art journals (with decoupage – it’s really fun!), crocheting, creative writing, doing a little stitching here and there. And my number one hobby – cooking. I usually have time for that one as one must eat, you know? But I seek to make time for the other things too. I want to be better about that. It’s my play time. I need it. You do too.

Whew...long winded on this delightfully gray (contradiction I know, but I love rainy days) Wednesday afternoon . But it was fun, using my “break time” for “write time.” Ah...onward toward the finish line. Only 6 more hours to go before the day’s race is through. And there I’ll be happy, tired, and thankful for the legs which carried me through my day.

Blessings...

-t.

photo: shot in the forest preserve on a recent frost morning. Often, when asked "How are you" my father in law will reply, "Fine as a frog on a frosty morning." I love that.

it's written in the stars...

2010-11-08T07:07:00.000-08:00

My horoscope for November 8, 2010:

The time has now come for you to undertake more difficult tasks.

Indeed, the stars incite you to use the day to your

advantage, Terri. You are full of life, and you should use this

energy to show the world what you are capable of!

Today, you will not be afraid of any work to be done,

and you will also have the capacity to recover your strength afterwards.

The stars are spot on for me this morning as I've lots to do

at work this week. Winter programming text to write, two

book discussions to prepare for in addition to three other

programs scheduled for the week - a diabetes program for

seniors, a fun jewelry class and a concert scheduled for

Sunday - a program honoring the music of 'ole blue eyes,

Frank Sinatra.

In between the responsibilities of the work day, my BFF's

in town, so I'm hoping to squeeze in a wine date with her

(in addition to the martini date we had yesterday, which

I hope to blog about tomorrow). Add to that a visit later today

with another dear friend and her new little baby girl, a shopping

expedition with my sissy on Wednesday evening and a fish fry

dinner date with the huz and yet another tre' dear friend and her huz too

for Friday and a WAY TOO FUN "author party" on Saturday

night - a first for me and also for my sweet friend who has

planned the fun evening and I've got another full week ahead of me!

Work, home, friends, family...that's the way it's been for me lately. A

constant stream, busy but completely in balance. Well...maybe

the "home" part's been a bit neglected lately, but "home" is undergoing

a bit of pre-turkey day renovation and things are a bit upside down

for the time being. But no worries. About the time things slow down

a bit (am taking Thanksgiving week off - YAY!) I'm planning to slow

down a little bit too. For a few days anyway; long enough to get the

house squared away for holiday entertaining. Come turkey day though

hoopla returns. I can't wait - Thanksgiving's my fave holiday, hands down.

Whew...long winded this morning. Didn't mean to be! I've got work to

do and time's a wasting! And just so you know, it feels so good to be

back to blogging again. I really missed it! There's so much I want

to share with you in the days ahead.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...

Happy Monday!

Luv

-t.

Photo: Pisces constellation over desert skies. How cool is that?

carpe diem...

2010-11-06T05:15:00.000-07:00

seize the day

for whatever the day brings you.

it's saturday

a day to get things done.

or not.

whatever it is that's on your to-do list to-day,

do it with love.

because its on YOUR list

and that's important.

cleaning the house today?

consider it showing the love

giving care to your surroundings.

heading to the market?

buy yourself something special -

a little pint of ice cream, some chocolate...

you deserve it.

spending the afternoon on the soccer field with your kids?

drink it in -

whistles blowing, parents cheering,

the wide blue sky above you

shining down upon you...

its all yours. today.

or maybe spend the afternoon curled up on the sofa

reading a good book or watching a movie.

why not? and if you're looking for a good book,

check out the list on the right.

i've some wonderful suggestions for you!

i've got my list today too -

a trip up to the farm for the last of our chickens.

free range, organic - i've never tasted chicken such as this!

this year i ordered a turkey from the farm too - a big guy -

we're picking him up too along with our hog from the farm.

a whole year's worth of food for the freezer - what a blessing.

this afternoon i'll be attending my niece's 5th birthday celebration;

a day of family, food and fun.

as i write my little grandson is snoozing away upstairs,

an impromptu sleepover - the best kind!

my little guy will wake up to the scent of fresh bread baking in the oven -

no, i'm not a diva - the recipe is so, so easy and it comes

from one of my VERY favorite cookbooks:

"artisan bread in 5 minutes a day"

by jeff hertzberg and zoe francois

(while you're out today stop by your local library

and see if they have it - you'll love it!)

life is good, and what makes it so are the things on our lists.

the little to-do's that comprise our daily lives.

i'm happy for mine and i hope you are too.

happy saturday dear reader...

-t.

photo - my grandbeans, tyler and ella

who are ALWAYS at the top of my list:)

a kick in the pants from mom...

2010-11-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

You need to get back on your blog.

You inspire a lot people.
I hope you get back to it soon.

We all miss you.

Love,

Mom

xoxo

This was the first email I read when I opened my inbox this morning. Okay, I don't know about the inspiration part - if that's the case then I'm uber humbled. But what I DO know is that I totally miss spending time here. Writing. Reading other blogs I enjoy.

I don't know how it happened. How I managed to let ALL of October go by with nary a word or whisper from me. One of my favorite months of the year simply breezed past me, probably you too. Funny thing is, I think about blogging every day. Many times a day, as a matter of fact. Ideas for blog posts multiply in my mind, but time gets the best of me and those ideas fade, never making it to the page.

Gosh I hate how time flies! That thought was running through my head as I drove to the library this morning. October, November, December...my very favorite time of year. And once those months are over we seem to be in a rush to have it be summer again. I wondered, what to do to make a day feel longer? How to put the brake pedal on our clock of days?

Awareness. I believe that's where the answer lies. In being aware, as best we can, of every living moment of our day. Looking in the mirror at our sleepy selves in the early morning and saying outloud"hello world, what do you have in store for me today?" (note: sounds crazy, but I do it. everyday.) And then paying attention all day long, 'til night time falls upon us once more. Then taking out that gratitude journal and listing our blessings, thinking back on what the day delivered.

Minute by minute, all the hours of the day. Just being aware of how time flies. Forcing ourselves to savor the moment...

Whew...thanks Mom! Thanks for the wake up call! And thank you, for meeting me here. Please know that I do not take that for granted. And if it's okay with you, I'd love to share November with you. Right here in blogosphere:)

Blessings,

-t.

Beads of faith...

2010-09-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

Pinch me, pinch me I say to myself this beautiful Tuesday. Am I simply dreaming this perfect day into existence? Though it didn't start out that way for me. This morning's pre-awake sweet dream was interrupted by the whisper of my inner voice saying, "it's time girl, get at it."

I've been working at keeping my thoughts regarding today's to-do list on the "sunny side up." Today was the day meant for routine maintainence health testing - all that girly crap. A day I dutifully mark on my calendar, dreading it but at the same time thanking my lucky stars that I have good doctors and insurance to match.

Grumbly though, that' s what I was at the sound of the NPR announcer's voice - my wake up alarm. And I shouldn't of been grumbly, especially considering my 21 day pledge to remain "complaint free." (See my current reading) The minutes following multiplied into an hour and before too long I was out the door, audio book in tow for the ride to and from (again, see current reading list - The 19th Wife - shocking!!).

As I sat in wait from test to test, three to be exact, crocheting away my complaint, I was taken by a woman sitting close by. A few minutes before she sat waiting with her daughter, who appeared to be close to my own age, 50-ish. Her daughter at this time was undergoing her test. As I sat stitching my eyes lifted toward the woman's mother, singular now as she awaited the return of her daughter. I couldn't help but be taken at the movement of her lips, silently mouthing prayers being counted off on the rosary wrapped around her fingers.

The woman's face held no worry. Her expression was one of will, of faith. Prayerful, obviously. And I couldn't help but feel blessed myself, sitting so close to one so deep in prayer. With everything going on around us, we were two people alone in faith - her for her daughter and the power of prayer, and me in gratitude for being right there, right then. Again, I was reminded of the importance of being in the moment. If I hadn't been, then I would have missed it.

After my test battery I headed home to prepare for the rest of my day. A one to nine shift at the library. Writers' group tonight. A two hour stint at the reference desk during the "witching hours," from three to five - the harried two hours between "school's out" and dinner time. All the while, once more I find myself enmeshed in the thick of what's going on around me.

Life in a library at the busiest time of day. Life in a library at any time of day. In my book (pun intended) the library's pretty much the best place to be. Everything happens at library, just open a book! And I once more I was filled with gratitude...for my job. That I get to spend my day in a library. Be with library people - patrons and staff. If I could have said it out loud I would have, "Thank you God for letting me work here, in my hometown library, right here, right now, with all of these people all around me."

A simple day in the life...but so damn rich. What joy I found today in my surroundings. Sharing a laugh with the lab techs (it's laugh or cry and I always choose to laugh). The woman with the rosary. Oh how I pray her prayers are answered. And tonight after work I'm heading to my daughter's. She'll have popcorn and a bottle of wine ready. For the second week in a row we're having a "tv night." We're both hooked on the new Showtime program The Big C. If you haven't seen it, you should. There's a mighty message inside this smart little "dramedy." Live for the moment. Look around you. Grab your joy, don't let anyone or anything steal it away from you. And for me the greatest joy is in the world around me, as it happens moment by moment.

All in all, a very good Tuesday.

Hope yours was too.

-t.

"you alone are enough to face the sunrise..."

2010-09-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

experience is the greatest teacher...wow, how i know the truth in that statement. i think of the ebb and flow of this summer, of the past year of my life. all i've been through and who i've become as a result. had i not experienced the pain, frustration, uncertainty and doubts which have landed at my feet over these past 12 months of my life, i wouldn't be who i am today. and i like who i am today. i like the stronger, more certain me that i've become. i like the heights i'm reaching for and knowing that they're attainable, reminding myself that i'm stronger at carving out new paths because of the uncharted ones i've traveled these past months of my life.

years ago i worked diligently on a cross stitch sampler. worked on the project for a year. stitched into the design were the words, "each dawn is a new beginning." i framed the finished sampler and gave it to my parents for christmas that year. that piece has come to mean so much. to them. to me. the sampler sits in my basement now, awaiting a spot on the wall of my mom's new apartment. i happened by it as we were moving her in last weekend.

"each dawn is a new beginning." the words reminding me that change is inevitable. that dark nights bring bright dawns ~ sunrise and the promise of a new day. a fresh start. and like making it through an unsettling dream on a stormy night, we gain strength and clarity with the light of a new day.

the dawns of the last 365 days of my life have, with each 24 hour period, made me stronger and more sure of who i am and the decisions i've made. i don't doubt them. and i don't doubt me. i no longer doubt my strength or my ability to make it through tough times. those times are going to come again, that much i know is true. but i also know what's to be gained by muddling through adversity. with a wing and a prayer we make it through. into the light of a better day.

wishing you the sunrise,

all the day through...

-t.

hello again...

2010-08-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

girl. it's so good to see you again, coming out from under that wide umbrella which has sheltered you from your stormy summer. looking into your eyes i can see that you've changed a bit. your curves have softened. your eyes see deeper. and listening, do i detect a stronger beat to your heart?

strong girl...stronger than you'd ever imagined you could be. happy girl, hungry to grab hold of your days once more. reaching girl, knowing that that road behind you has prepared you well for the uncertain journey ahead. running girl, not running from but running to...the life that is yours.

arms flung wide open you run under the sun with the wind as your partner. strains of music long gone unheard fill your heart and soul with joy. at the finish line which is also a starting line your bittersweet tears welcome you home. back to you. fresh from the journey with new stories which tenderly reveal themselves in the way you now see the world.

hello again friend.

you. me.

i've missed you.

luv,

-t.

a daughter's tribute...

2010-08-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

It's been a time since I've posted. Circumstances surrounding the illness and passing of my dad have kept my mind tangled and time for writing simply non-existent. What follows is the remembrance I wrote and read at my Dad's memorial service. I've had many requests to share this piece, and so I am...sharing it with you. I also hope, now that my life is a bit more steady, to be here more. Writing and sharing life with you...

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. These words were stenciled on the wall behind the sign up desk at the hospice home where my dad spent the last two weeks of his life. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Words read daily, by my mom, my sister, my niece, me…all our family who came and spent time with dad during those last precious days. Those words danced around my mind as I sat in contemplation, pouring over the life that was my dad’s in preparation for this moment. Because that’s what my dad was, the world, to my mom, my sister and I, to our family. It’s with great pride as Larry’s daughter to share the world that was my dad’s life with you today.

My dad’s life was a testament to the power of the spirit to withstand and conquer challenges. Many of you may not know that my dad spent the better part of his childhood living in an orphanage in the city. Dad was placed, along with his brother Bob, in the orphanage when he was three years old and remained there until the age of nine. I can’t help but think that the courage he showed later in life fighting his many medical battles was forged during the formative years of his childhood. Learning to survive, believe, endure and carry hope for a better day.

After Gram and Gramp were married they moved to Grayslake, my dad and Bob in tow. Two more brothers would follow – Rick and Randy. His teen years, at least, found him finally at home, living life as should be promised to any child – with his mom and dad and his brothers by his side.

My dad graduated from Grayslake HS in 1956. Shortly thereafter Dad and his HS buddy Jack Kordt stuck out their thumbs and hitchhiked their way to Southern California via the original route 66. They left with little more than $40 between the two of them and a nose for adventure. After a month in California they made their way back to Grayslake, again, courtesy of their thumbs, broke except for their memories of a wild and wonderful time which I know for sure was one of the best times of my dad’s life. He cherished those memories and the memories of good times and great friends his whole life long. Such good friends he had, ones who remained close to him even up to the final days of his life.

A short time later my dad met his dream girl, my mom, while working at Abbotts. Not only did she catch his eye, she caught his heart as well. The good looking guy with the classic 50’s flat top and his model bride tied the knot in June of 1959 and celebrated over 50 years as partners in marriage. Ups, downs, all-arounds – two young kids with barely a nickel to their name, my parents made a beautiful life together, working their hardest to provide my sister and I with the things that they never had.

In his younger days my Dad held many jobs in an effort to earn a few nickels to rub together. Gas station attendant, MdDonald’s fry cook, you name it, he did it. His
passion though was the printing industry and my Dad made a life long trade of it. For many years he worked as a pressman. I’ll never forget the times I visited my dad at Munder’s in Zion when my dad worked on that monstrous four color press – all by himself running this thing which was a little bigger than a single car garage. Even now occasionally when I crack open a catalog from the mailbox I breathe in that smell – ink, paper, press – and it takes me back. One of the many scents I associate with my hero, my dad.

He held many positions in an industry which changed so drastically throughout his career. From pressman, to litho stripper and on to production and management, my dad was the hardest working man I knew, often times working two jobs to support the needs of his family. Not just my mom, my sister and I, but often helping out his parents, my mom’s folks, and their brothers and sisters. If a soul was in need, my dad would do his darndest to lend a hand or a few dollars to help out, always teaching, always showing by example to his daughters, and to our entire family, how to live a live of purpose.

One point which bears mention is that my sister and I were lucky in that we lived with parents that never said no to a pet. My dad gave a nervous nod to our pleading eyes when the question “can I keep him?” came up. Gold fish, tropical fish, one darn cat, many dogs, gerbils, hamsters, and even a goofy growling, laughing mynah bird who’s favorite phrase was “oh blank, I lost my cigarettes again”…we had it all. And it was fun. After flying the coop, my sister and I were replaced with generations of shi tzu’s – and boy did my dad love them. Not only did my parents keep this silly little loveable breed as pets, they showed them too, on the national level, going so far as to raise two grand champions. These days they’re down to one, but for many years you’d be greeted by as many as a half a dozen little shi tzu faces when you walked in their door.

Throughout the years my dad enjoyed so many different hobbies. As a child I can remember when he and my mom would spend endless hours as the archery range down in Waukegan. He loved that sport. I used to love to just sit and watch him line up that sight, steady his aim and eye his target. I can still hear the arrow snap free from the bow and remember how proud I was that this was my dad. From archery, bowling, fishing, coin collecting and downhill skiing, to stained glass work and even crocheting (yes Caity, pop pop was hooked for a time too) my dad was a pretty passionate guy. And don’t even get me started on how he loved his computer!

My dad’s biggest hobby though, was cooking. Dad was the cook in our family and we were all the luckier for it. For my bridal shower years and years ago it was my dad who put together the entire menu – a classic ladies luncheon from appetizers to homemade desserts. I’ll never forget it. And when my dad made a cake, it was an out of the ordinary, soaked in brandy, homemade fruit filling, travel to a few different stores for ingredients kind of cake. He approached all his culinary endeavors in just such a way. In turn, my sister and I delighted in cooking for my dad. The final test of our efforts came with a taste from my dad. He’d take a bite and we’d look at him and say “well??” There
were only two answers to that questions – it’s okay, or very good. Each and every time Cyndi and I reached for the “very good” response, knowing for sure that if it was “okay” then something was missing. Very good was an A, it’s okay was a C.

My dad’s greatest passion though, was his family, my mom, my sister and I, and the families we’ve created. How he loved his grandchildren, his great-grandchildren. Back in healthier easier times, my dad didn’t miss a beat with his grandkids. He took such pride in watching my son play years of football and I know those are memories that Nick will carry for the rest of his life. How I wish he could have seen Nick play lacrosse, watch Michael on the baseball field, see Caity cheer her way to state championships. Health complications may have prevented him from physically being there, but the kids always knew for sure that their pop pop was with them in spirit.

I want you to understand what an honor I consider it to be, to speak about such a loving, patient, kind, gracious man, my dad. And how my sister and I take such pride in being Milanich’s, carrying our dad’s name in a whisper beside our now married names. Just how much it means to me to stand before you and share the life that was my dad. All my life my dad has taught me, guided me, even to his final days, teaching me things about myself, about courage and about faith. In all my life as his daughter I can honestly say that the time I cherish most are the last few weeks I had with him. Holding his hand, telling him how much I loved him and how proud I was to be his daughter. Even witnessing to him and sharing our faith. Praying over him, with him, knowing that in my life I have been truly blessed in having him for a father. Realizing that everyone who knew him was blessed in a way just by calling him son, husband, brother, pop pop, uncle, brother in law, friend…

Years and years ago my dad, my sister and I used to sing a silly little song over and over. The song started out with the words “you remind me of a man, what man?” Cyndi knows what I’m talking about. To you dad, I just want to say it one more time…you remind me of a man…what man? The man with the power…the power to touch lives, to live with courage, to fight the brave fight. And now you live in victory dad…in our hearts and with God’s promise that at the end of the battle he comes to take us to a better place. Home. Where our heart is free.

realizing that i think might just have lived

one of the most memorable summers of my life,

and that i am all the better for having lived it.

loving life,

-t.

p.s...photo is of my dad on the beach in North Carolina.

tuesday, and all is well...

2010-07-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

a morning cup of coffee

the buzz of cicadas whirring through

the screen above my kitchen sink

wrapping sandwiches

securing my lunch time salad

with a snap inside a container

fresh local blueberries on top of my yogurt

the delicious scent of my husband

as i kiss him out the door and into his day

sunshine reflecting in water drops

resting on the leaves of my freshly watered garden

rainbows reflecting in water spray

as i allow myself a few

childlike moments to play with the hose

tucked into my colorful cube at the library

i bury myself all the day long

ordering books, books and more books

lists left long unattended

while i muddled through the murky waters

of the past 6 weeks of my life

a call from the doctor

today is a fairly good day for dad, he reports

i'll take it - if only for a moment

for those "good times" are so rare

as i sip my tea the afternoon through

the little yogi tea tag reminds me to

"be happy so long as breath is within you"

and i am, happy

for this blissfully, so far perfect

absolutely normal day

my very favorite kind of day

i happened upon this pretty little prayer

and though to share it with you...

"normal day,

let me be aware of the treasure that you are.

let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.

let me not pass you by in the quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.

let me hold you while i may,

for it may not always be so."

wishing you the profound peace

tucked quietly inside

of a perfectly perfect normal day...

-t.

photo - sharing more "tea tag wisdom" with you:)

"it is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence..."

2010-07-23T12:44:00.000-07:00

i find myself upon a crossroad

to the left are words unsaid

unnecessary, futile

seemingly important only to me,

a voice that longs to speak,

express, to be understood

to the right is silence

quiet, peaceful, calm,

a voice which begs to be still

and rest in knowing

that a thousand words can be spoken

in a moment of quiescence

in the wind a gentle voice whispers

"stay to the right"

and i follow

understanding that

for every time there is a season

and this is my time

to be still

listening, learning, and leaning on faith...

-t.

quote: Seneca (5BC - 65AD)

Roman dramatist, philosopher and politician

who also said,

"difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does the body"

unpredictable currents...

2010-07-22T07:58:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm at a time in my personal life which bears recording. Experiences, conversations, feelings that at a distant point in the future I just know I'll want to remember. Curiously though, I find words allude me. In attempting to record these last days of my fathers life - my emotions, my scattered thoughts - my pen falls silent. Paralyzed actually. It's said often, "words cannot express," and for me right now this is true.

Words just cannot express what the mind and the heart go through when you're in the process of losing a parent. My Dad. My rock, my whole life long. His pride in me is something that I've never taken for granted. Oh how much it meant to me, each time he said "I'm so proud of you. You've done a good job." For the rest of my life I'll know that, and that will be enough. To know that I led a life that made my father proud.

These days I'm learning so much about myself. Things I'd never of known if not for this experience. I like to think that my Dad is still teaching me, as he has done all my life. And that even when he goes from me, the lessons will continue. Thus far, the most important lesson I've learned is that I'm far stronger than I'd ever figured I'd be when it came to this. To losing him. To letting go. And it's not only my earthly father who has blessed me with this strength, but my heavenly father. My heavenly father, who takes over now as he calls my Dad home.

A few days ago a friend reminded me that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." When I considered what I've been through with my daughter last month, and now this with my Dad, I thought to myself that God's sure showing a lot of confidence in me. My prayer is that I won't let him down. I can handle it. I am strong.

More wise words...my cousin reminded me that in troubled times you have to "let go of the shore and float with the stream." That the river knows where it's going. That if I clung to the shore I'd get hit with debris. Lessons...lessons this proud daughter is learning by simply living the life I have right now and accepting the course of the river.

I can't think of any other time that I've felt this close to God, where the "thin space" seems to be at its thinnest yet. And I can't think of any other time that I've been filled with such a unique sense of gratitude. Though times have been tough, I wouldn't have traded a minute of it, reminding myself that that which doesn't break us makes us stronger than before. I believe this as its proven true for me time and time again.

This moment, this time,

and everything within it,

for this, I am even now being blessed.

Love,

-t.

"For in the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed..."

2010-06-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

What a gorgeous morning. Birds singing me through the yard as I wander from garden to garden. Giving the raised veggie beds, flower pots and squash plots along the front walk a hearty drench. Even the skeeters left me alone this morning. Well, sort of. Let's say I managed to get through my watering routine with a little less hassle than what's been the norm most mornings so far.

My heart's a bit lighter this morning too. All the worry over my daughter's health is ebbing now, blessedly. She's on the mend which has my whole family breathing a bit easier these days. With the relief which washes over me I can't help but think of how grateful I am that her condition was something that could be fixed. Not cancer, not a life sentence, but a heart defect which with the aid of a surgeon's gifted hands was fixed in a matter of an hour. Whew...what a blessing! Of course there's recuperation time involved here, but not much more than that.

And oh, how incredibly grateful my family is for the outpouring of support from friends. Since this whole episode began four weeks ago tomorrow my daughter's family has been well fed thanks to the love and support of friends. Her friends, my friends; amazing women who stepped right in when the going was tough. And the meals are still coming as she grows stronger each day. Just as Stephanie and a friend were saying goodbye after a visit near dinner time last night a car pulled up in front of her house. The driver rolled down her window and yelled, "Are you Stephanie? I've got dinner for you tonight!" It was my friend Jan. Steph gave a little laugh and said to her friend, "This happens a lot around here lately."

So today I'm happy to have my life back to near normal. This morning I welcomed waking up slowly while catching a whiff of coffee brewing down in the kitchen. Putting together breakfast and lunch for my husband, my son and I. Classical music pouring through my kitchen along with the sounds of the birds coming in through the window. Pouring another hot mug of coffee and heading out to the garden, stealing some time in my backyard paradise before I head to work.

And being back at work, a job I love so much. Thanking my lucky stars that I get paid to spend my days in a library. "If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need." Cicero said it a gazillion years ago. I quite agree, and am feeling so utterly grateful for having that and oh so much more. The normal everyday stuff which makes my life complete.

Wishing you a perfectly wonderful Tuesday.

luv,

-t.

momentous occasions...

2010-06-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

28 years ago today i gave birth to a beautiful child. i call her my "long, brown child." my daughter, lindsey dyan. the huz and i just returned from celebrating with her. she's playing in a pick up, fun volleyball league at a local place where they have some pretty sweet outdoor sand courts, complete with those cheezy light up fake palm trees.

her friends were there. high school friends. this was the child that hung around with the notorious "wrong kind." funny though...as it turns out these kids have made mighty fine lives for themselves, our amazing daughter included. and they all stick together. are there for each other, no matter the what or why.

wonderful too is the way these kids embrace my husband and i. parents who stayed together, stuck it out. provided a firm foundation during the turbulent times our daughter weathered. we love these kids, and i'm pretty darn sure they love us too. i can tell.

on the way home my husband and i, as we usually do, count our blessings for how close we are to our children and how close they are to us. we recognized too how our maker knew exactly what he was doing when he brought us together. we're parents, don and i. that's what we were made for, what we're cut out to do. we know that about each other just as much as we know it about ourselves. i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that one day it just so happened that HE said "you, my child, are a mother" and so it was.

and so it is. because it's a work night, we left before our son arrived to celebrate with his sister. we left, along with our daughter stephanie and our son-in-law matt. headed home for a before 10 lights out. or as close as we could make it. (and it's funny...a little earlier, my son in law matt-steph's huz- made sure to order a wine for me and when the waitress asked "and who is this for?" he answered "my mom." frickin million dollar words, no?)

and now i know that right about now our son nick is arriving there to celebrate his sister's birthday, after working about a 14 hour day, no lie. the kid's a workhorse, just like his dad. and he's with lindsey, along with her friends, and her wonderful husband who we love, along with our other matt (as this one's a matt too, both matthew patricks - isn't that a hoot?).

a very close family. a family that has withstood the test of time. a marriage, the huz and i, that has weathered the most severe of storms. and we celebrate because through it all we have rested on the deep and true abiding love we have for each other. a true marriage. a family. in the purest, most honest sense of the word.

i don't care about much else in the world except this, my family. my husband, our children and the families that they've created. life's pure riches. tonight, on the ride home with my husband, the wind blowing wild my hair through the windows of our pickup, i gazed upon the fire flies glowing in the fields. like candles lit in church. only not seeking answers to prayers, but lit in gratitude for abundant blessings. before walking in the house i gazed up at the sky, the beautiful perfect moonlit sky, took a deep breath and exhaled a deep sense of gratitude. i know i write about that a lot, gratitude. but i am. grateful. for my life. for all the challenges we currently face. and knowing that with the love that surrounds me, i can make it through. with the love of my children and the wonderful man i share my life with. sometimes it's just all so big, you know?

summer night's air blowing through the window

touching my face in velvet whispers

and me, feeling mighty fine.

luv,

-t.

p.s. nans, i miss you like hell. miss my best friend, dammit!

quoting john keats...

2010-06-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

"i scarcely remember counting upon happiness -

i look not for it if it be not in the present hour -

nothing startles me beyond the moment.

the setting sun will always set me to rights -

or if a sparrow come before my window

i will take part in its existence..."

feeling mighty passionate about life, the upside down and right side up of it. and blessed. looking forward to a really good weekend. tomorrow morning i'll meet with my new earth book club gals - truly the most amazing women i know - all of them. the afternoon brings celebration - my niece caity's high school gradutation and all the excitement of her impending college plans.

gathered together with supportive and god's honest true friends. a felicitous family celebration. good food. simply the best conversations, all around. quality time, quantified. perfect recipe for a satisfying weekend. a fine break from life's nine to five.

living in the now

and in the knowing

that now is the best place to be...

wishing you your favorite kind of weekend.

-t.

p.s. photo...sunset on the sonoran dessert in arizona on my last evening there

trying to keep hold of that sedona state of mind:)

its a good place to be

2010-06-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

jeepers...six days since i've checked in.

so many "blog thoughts" running through my mind;

reasons to write, to reflect.

running on empty but trying not to pay attention.

scared but trying not to let it show.

juggling everything in life as best i can,

and knowing that although it may look good from the outside

one false move or unexpected quick turn

and my house of cards will tumble into a heap.

but trusting, leaning on faith.

"pray" being my answer to those asking how they can help.

believing that this strange and kind of scary story

will have a happy ending.

and i do believe that.

in the sound of my daughter's laughter,

her unique sense of humor through all of this,

watching her kiss her children,

seeing how she holds them...

i just know it will all be okay.

that's what faith does

revealing rays of sunshine on the far side of a cloudy sky

in the warm hug of a friend

the sweet child scents as i kiss my grandbabies on their heads

the feeling in my heart that god is in control.

so much in life is beyond our control,

that's the hardest part i think.

but what i can control,

how i react,

that power rests inside me.

i choose peace. i choose to trust.

i'm so happy, thankful and feeling very blessed

for how everything is at this very moment.

and knowing my family rests surely

in the palm of his hand.

blessings abound...

-t.

brave girl? indeed...

2010-06-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

each day i receive "daily truth" messages from the brave girls' club. messages to uplife, inspire, motivate...all that. call it coincidence, kismet, whatever, but these messages always seem to contain just the right words at just the right time.

today too, at just the right time. i stood in the shower this morning, water pouring over me, hot, hotter, hotter even yet, trying to file away the stress i've been carrying over these past few weeks. as i stood there in steamy meditation i contemplated the worries fogging up my mind. i thought about how people my age are often described as being the "sandwich generation." right now i feel less like the filling of a sandwich and more an object caught in the grip of a vice.

i wrapped my arms around my head, cradling my addled mind and let the hot water pour over me. reminding myself once more, "you'll get through this. keep it in perspective. you are strong and things will be okay." recognized as well that i too have a breaking point and that it's important to set boundaries for myself. boundaries that keep me healthy and sane.

eventually i had to shut the water off and leave the sanctity of my shower stall. face the day and everything that comes with it. move forward with faith that everything will be okay. remind myself to "let go and let god." when i popped open my work email the following message was waiting for me. again, perfect words at just the right time. so perfect that i wanted to share them with you...

Dear Sunshiny Girl,

You are so much stronger than you think you are. You are so much smarter than you think you are. You are SO MUCH more beautiful than you think you are. You are absolutely, positively more courageous than you ever could have dreamed you are.And...even when you don't feel like you can go one more step.....something miraculous always happens to make sure that you do....making you even more incredible than you knew you were. And...every day, you learn more, you love more, you find more reasons to be grateful...

Don't let those little doubts hold you back any longer...and please don't even LISTEN to the big doubts. Move forward with peace, happiness and assurance....everything really IS on your side as soon as you decide to hold hands with it.xo

good words for me this morning. perhaps for you too. i'm going to plan on having a darn good weekend. tomorrow morning the grandbabies have soccer and flag football games. there's lots of fun to be had in that - watching three year olds play soccer and five year olds play football. then we'll attend a welcome home party for our friends' son who has just returned from a second tour of duty in iraq. life is really good. hot showers, wise words, good friends and the sound of children playing.

happy friday, happy weekend

-t.

p.s. to learn more about the brave girls club visit http://www.bravegirlsclub.com/

attending a brave girls camp is definitely in my future plans

my friend melissa found brave girls first and shared it with me

p.s.s. go chicago blackhawks - beat those flyers!

comfort squared...

2010-06-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

don’t groan, but i really like making dinner after working all day. my kitchen is my refuge. my safe harbor and solace. my ridiculously happy place. granted i like my job fine enough, but when i walk out the door at quitting time, breathing in freedom along with the sticky hot fresh air wafting up from the parking lot, i’m home free. seven minutes, door to door, and i’m back in my element.

after a quick switch from work clothes to play clothes, i fasten on an apron (i really do. i love ‘em!) and settle into my kitchen to create. after splashing a little red wine into a glass, i plug in the latest audio book i fancy and get to work. good work. fun work. if i could, i’d do this for a living. but alas, i cook for my huz, who is always mucho appreciative of my creations. perish the thought of marrying a fuss budget fella who’d screw up his face in distaste at trying new things. not my guy – he’s always game for whatever i make. lucky me, for a million and one reasons, but that’s a big one.

last night i made a dish out of one of my new favorite cookbooks. yes, i still buy them, despite the fact that i have a virtual cookbook with a simple google. i thought for a moment about fancying up leftovers in an attempt to clear out the fridge. but no, not tonight. i had looked forward to making and eating this dish all day. had talked about it, as a matter of fact, with my co-workers before leaving the library.

the dish? baked cheesy farro out of “giada at home,” a new cookbook by that diva giada de laurentiis. yum. oh wow, yum. comfort food at it’s comfiest. who cares that it was hot and humid outside? comfort food defies all seasons, as far as i’m concerned. and while i chopped, sauteed and stirred, i listened to the final cd in the audio version of the latest book by sandra dallas, “prayers for sale.”

what a sweet story. lots of stories, in fact, and good stories too – all wrapped up in a first rate novel. the story tells of unlikely friendships, loyalty, hardships, forgiveness and redemption, along with a fair dose of humor. it’s stories like this that just keep me reaching for another recipe, thinking what else can i make?

stories do that to me. and mixed with the art of working with my hands in my kitchen, well...that pretty much sums up heaven to me. pour a good glass of wine, push “play,” roll up the sleeves and dig right in. and the tasting? yum. seriously, that recipe goes on my list of favorites. it was bliss.

my strength isn’t photography, so i don’t have any fancy pictures of the fruits of my labor. but rest assured, it was pretty...pretty delicious. i highly recommend combining audio books with kitchen work. for those of you who aren't as enamored with cooking as i am, it might just make the work just that much more enjoyable for you.

i’m on to a new story now – “the forgotten garden” by kate morten. it’s a good one too. along with a new chicken recipe for dinner (another giada) i’ll also be whipping up some gingersnaps. that recipe comes from another one of my new favorites which i’ll fill you in on another time.

to good food and stories
and the simple things in life...

ciao,
-t.

"things do not change; we change..."

2010-06-01T04:44:00.000-07:00

i'm taking advantage of a rare opportunity today. my mind wanders to "the blog" frequently throughout the day and i think to myself, yeah...i need to write about that. or, wow...that would make a good subject for a post. random thoughts and bright ideas that most often never find their way here.

but today i'm in sort of a melancholy frame of mind. achy (and i don't know why), moody (probably 'cuz i'm achy), too lazy for the gym (which is most likely the culprit for the aches and moody disposition). gazing out over my garden this morning, and while swatting swarms of relentless mosquitoes out for an early bite, i was moved by my feelings and thought wow! good idea for a post! and i have the benefit of another hour before i have to get ready for work.

what's heavy on my mind this morning is a disappointment. disappointment in myself that i always seem to be "starting over." starting fresh. the old "today is a new day and i'm going to keep my promises i made to myself" mantra. i asked myself, how many more times in your life are you going to start over? how many more times are you going to make promises to yourself, only to break them and suffer disappointment in yourself? aren't you stronger than that? if you can't keep promises to yourself, then what? if i can't be true to me, then can i really be true to anyone?

heavy stuff, i know. and i also know we all go through this, times like these. i'm tired though, tired of wanting to live my life better, healthier, more authentic to who i truly am, only to end up back at the starting line after a good stretch - a few days, weeks, maybe a month or two. i so long to be true to my words - words which are promises i make to myself. words spoken to my mind from my heart about who i am and how to honor that.

seems to me that today is a good place to start, once again. it's june the first. the sun's coming up. the air smells glorious...cool, summery, heavy with a mixed scent of dew and yesterday's rain. everything i'll ever need to make the changes in my life that i so long for is already right inside me. i don't want to keep repeating the same promises. i'm dog-tired of wishing for a life which i know for sure lies completely within my reach.

if only i believe in myself. believe enough to trust that i can do and be everything that my heart longs for me to be. to trust that i'm strong enough to overcome and surpass whatever might block my path. the path that leads to who i really am. deep inside i know...i'm far stronger than anything which might keep me from becoming that which my heart desires.

there now...the day feels better already. because i wrote. because i recognized promises i've made to myself which i haven't kept. because i shared that disappointment here. i know you've felt the same way many times too. i say let's make this real, today. take the first step in being all that you are meant to be. the you that is dictated by your heart, not by what's expected of you.

happy tuesday...

make it yours.

-t.

quotation - henry david thoreau

photo taken on an "artist's date"

i did that a few times last summer

just me and the camera

one more thing to add to the list:)

looking at life from upside down...

2010-05-30T11:52:00.000-07:00

at least that's the way it seems. lesson learned and confirmed over the past 5 days is that life can change at a moments notice. does, in fact. we 'gotta face up to this, realize that it happens to all of us. the when and why of it remains a mystery, the timing left to destiny's whim.

i won't go into it at length, but this happened to me this week. or more correctly, it happened to my daughter. my daughter i wrote of in my last post. tuesday night my 31 year old beauty hops into bed after tucking the babies in. wednesday morning she wakes up and her life is drastically changed.

after pokes and probs and tests and wringing of the hands, it has been determined that my daughter has suffered three small strokes. again, she's only 31. the culprit? a little hole in her heart. one like her mama has, only mine knows how to behave. thankfully she's okay...no profound damage or side effects from her little brain twist. after a little physical therapy her body should right itself.

surgery is called for now, and as soon as possible. a procedure will be done which will place two tiny "umbrella like" pieces on the inside and outside of the little hole in her heart. push the button, umbrellas open and hole is plugged. that's the simple version. and prognosis beyond that is excellent. she'll be back to keeping her crazy schedule in no time flat.

thank god. thank god it wasn't worse, for it certainly could have been. thank god we're close, both personally and geographically. we're 4 minutes apart, door to door. thank god for my family. we're already mighty tight but stuff like this just strengthens the bond. thank god for my grandbabies, tyler and ella. they kept me sane. being with them kept the worries at bay. thank god for my faith. most of all for my faith. i rest in the assurance that god will take safe care of my precious girl. and thank god for friends. i didn't even need to ask...they're already taking care, providing meals, love and a shoulder to lean on.

don't let the media fool you into thinking it's all gloom and doom

look around you, at the faces of the people you love

and at the faces of people who love you.

we live in a wonderful world

just like the song says.

happy memorial day weekend

i'm taking it easy,

but not resting fully until the umbrella's up.

-t.

footsteps to the year 2022...

2010-05-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

panting, sweaty, and tired but refreshed after a good long run in the forest preserve this morning, i plopped my keys and my ipod down on the counter and grabbed for the phone. i needed to call my daughter, quick. quick before she headed out the door with my grandson tyler for the walk to the bus. the bus that would take him to school where he would spend his last day as a kindergartner.

before the bus carried tyler off i wanted to talk to him. to tell him that i love him, that i'm proud of him for how far he's come these past nine months. i wanted to wish him a good day at school, this last day as a kindergartner, because in just a few hours he'd be an official "first grader." i just wanted to hear his funny, scratchy precious little voice, how it sounds today. that voice will change in a few hours. the only ones capable of detecting that hint of change will be his mother and me. we'll hear it. we'll recognize it. and we know the changes that first grade will have (full days spent away in school) on that voice.

tyler's little boy days are becoming a commodity. priceless days worth their weight in gold. far be it for me to even consider squandering a second, a minute, an hour. and i wanted to make sure that he knew how precious he, in his little boy self, is to me.

unfortunately he was in a bit of a snit at the time i called. just prior to the ring of the telephone tyler and his little sister ella had a disagreement. apparently ella had said something which hurt tyler's feelings, so at my call he was all broody and wouldn't come to the phone. no worries, i said on speaker phone (for he WAS going to hear what i had to say) and proceeded to wish him well and give him my love. then as i was speaking with my daughter i could hear tyler and ella in the background continuing their squabble.

after a sigh and a "hold on a minute mom" i listened to my daughter douse the fire. not with punishing words, but with words that build. words that teach understanding and respect. and with the sound of her voice i was overcome with admiration and pride in this beautiful girl of mine. this strong, fierce, wise and loving mother, my daughter. i thought of the times that i said some of the same words to her, words that i was now hearing her impart on babies of her own. more words too, far wiser, most likely reaching further than those i used so many years ago. continue to use actually, as i still have a college son at home, though he seems to be doing a fine job in making his own way in life.

the morning's conversation with my daughter and my grandson (who remained silent, but i knew he heard every word i said) was such a blessing. one more which comprises my life. a life that is my family. it's what i do, why i am. they're all i'll ever need. i am rich beyond measure because of what we share together. i'm glad i get that - realizing what's real. recognizing true riches, the only ones that matter.

wishing you blessings,

you and your family...

sure to recognize them for the treasure they are

and never discount the treasure that is you.

-t.

photo is of tyler (my little bubba-lou) early last summer

i'm very proud to say that he has my eyes:)

can i just say something?

2010-05-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

i'm stumped and just a tad miffed. or maybe i'm simply naive and lack a clear understanding of why people blog, what their purposeful intent truly is. sometimes i even wonder why i do this. but when i don't blog (write. for me it's about the writing) i miss it. i feel bad when i let my blog go unattended. i do that often, irritatingly often. i always mean to do better but life gets in the way.

i blog for a creative outlet. i blog to share my humble words. and i'll admit, it really is a wonderful feeling to have a reader say "WOW" occasionally. but that's not what i'm looking for. that's not why i'm here. i'm here because, when i have time, i love to play with words and share them. i also love to read other blogs and be inspired by the creativity i find - so much of it really. i'm frequently in awe of the minion of talented people just throwing themselves into blogland, all for the reading pleasure.

my purpose of this rant is to try to gain some understanding of why people post comments only for the purpose of advertising their blogs. i really don't like that. sometimes i get a little nervous when i see a posted comment, worrying that if i, or someone who follows my blog clicks on the comment link, they might infect their computer with a virus or something else that follows along those awful lines. is no place sacred? can't people just rest on their own creative merits, casting stones on their own imaginative waters. dare i use the word "opportunists?"

i have my favorite blogs i read, my very most favorite being those created by my friends - brooke, melissa and amy. i do not, and neither do they, use each other's spaces as a method of gaining readers. i post their blogs on my list of faves. if readers have the urge to explore, they're more than welcome to. encouraged even, as i'm positive they're going to like what they find. there are others there too, on my faves list, that are fun, inventive and oh so creative.

i guess i could end this by saying that we're all creative. we all (despite what we tell ourselves) have the ability to create and should do so merely for the purpose of pleasing ourselves. if others respond, the blessing expands. but don't use my space, or anyone elses, to pander your site, or the goods you sell, or your political or religious beliefs. this is a fun and pretty space. i don't want it sullied by erroneous and unwelcome visitors seeking ways to purport themselves on others.

whew...there. i'm done.

happy, peaceful wednesday.

wherever you are, be the best you can be

simply for the purpose of your own delight.

love,

-t.

2010-05-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

i've been in a bit of a slump lately

feeling yucky, physically

not taking care of myself the way i should be

funny how, when you eat clean and exercise

and then step off the wagon

for more than a day or two

your body and mind react

in not such a good way

the good thing is

each dawn is a new beginning

each day a new opportunity

to start fresh

make your healthy self happen

i'm two dawns in now

taking time to prepare

food that heals and nurtures

two days in a row of quality gym time

yesterday weight training and a bike ride

today an hour of cardio

walking, climbing, running, pedaling

my way back

to a healthier, happier me

feeling healthy and good about ourselves

is not a luxury

but a necessity

live well..

-t.

this year i finally did it!

2010-05-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

these photos are a bit out of order, but that's okay. they tell the story just fine. each year about this time i brouse over local farms in my area that offer shares in community supported agriculture. what that means is that farmers offer folks the opportunity to become "shareholders" of the season's harvest. by becoming a shareholder you purchase your "share" of the seasons bounty with an upfront payment which allows the farmers to purchase seeds, supplies and equipment in order to sustain the growing season. the result of your investment is a weekly share - boxes bursting with in-season and fresh from the farm produce. it doesn't get any fresher than this. or healthier. or better for the environment. or better for our local farmers!

this year i did more than just browse, once again putting it off with "maybe next year." i bought a full CSA share from Earth Harvest Farm located just over the illinois/wisconsin border. not only will i receive my weekly share boxes, but i can also visit the farm, work it when time allows and take the grandbabies for visits so that they can see (for real) where our food is coming from. i'm seriously psyched about it - can't wait for my first share on june 14!

in addition to buying a produce share (all organic, free of the scary stuff) my daughter and i went in on a quarter steer, a half a hog and a few dozen chickens, raised simply and naturally in the purity of native prairie (all purchased through my CSA farm). no antibiotics or growth hormones. grass and organically fed. i'm pretty stoked about that too - locally grown organic foods free of pesticides and chemicals! we've been purchasing organic eggs fresh from a local farm for months now. one of my husband's coworkers supplies us with the efforts of her hens. eggs fresh from the farm are so different in taste, texture, size...once you have them fresh it's hard to resort back to the sickly eggs (even the ones proclaimed to be laid by "happy chickens!) offered at the store.

the price wasn't too bad either, pretty reasonable, in fact, when i consider what i spend at wholefoods. don't get me wrong, i enjoy shopping at my local wholefoods market, but you can pay some pretty steep prices for organic produce there. but it sure makes me happy to know that my food isn't traveling hundreds of miles to get to my table. and that i'm helping to support a family less than an hour north of where i live. the farm also partners with organic growers in michigan. this summer i'll have the opportunity to add fresh, chemical free michigan peaches, cherries, blueberries and apples to my share. my love of cooking is taking a whole new, fresh turn. i'm planning on learning canning and preserving techniques so that next winter i'll still be able to enjoy the "fruits" of my CSA share.

sloppy writing this morning - didn't take much time to wax poetic. i was just really excited to share this information. it's not too late if you're interested or want more information on purchasing CSA shares or finding farms in your area that offer natural and organic produce, dairy and meats. visit www.localharvest.org to find a farm in your area. the site is also an excellent source for farmer's market listings, which are fun too. you can visit "my farm" at www.earthharvestfarm.com.

happy friday - wishing you a peaceful, easy weekend!

-t.

2010-05-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

hey there faithful readers, for if you're reading this then you are INDEED faithful. sorry for the absence and with that also i offer thanks that you've stayed with me. the past few weeks have been particularly busy for me. lots going on at work, with a vacation tucked along in between. visited the most beautiful place on earth last week - sedona, arizona. what a place.

corny as it may sound, i find myself changed by the experience. the powerful vortex sights. the magic and spirituality of it's sacred places. all of it combined brought out feelings and emotions which, i'll admit, caught me by surprise. and in the end left me with an overwhelming sense of peace and clarity (the latter of which i'd hope for more than ever). i'll share more of my trip and the discoveries i made, about myself and about the place, in the days to come.

meantime, i'm happily back at work. i feel immense gratitude at having a job that i love so well. the work space was in dire need of a new look so i traded the gustav klimt for a new and earthy southwest look, complete with cactus, a friendly little lizard and an authentic navajo mug rug. the walls of my cube display stunning photos of arizona in all it's splendor and color. what a happy place i've created!

what's that line? bloom where you are planted? i'm planted here, firmly it seems, but boy is it ever fun to travel outside the familiarity of the garden once in a while:) what a way to grow!

wishing you a sweet and peaceful day

and thanking you for visiting me here

and also hoping that you'll continue to do so!

-t.

p.s. hey katie - thanks for the nudge:)

2010-04-09T08:14:00.000-07:00

this morning i am sadly moved by the headline weary story of phoebe prince. for those of you who have been fortunate enough to dodge the nightly news, phoebe is the girl who, after living months of torment and hell inflicted on her by her "peers," couldn't bare the pain any longer and chose to end her life.

i'd seen headlines for this story plastered all over the internet news sources, but until today i hadn't chanced to read of such a heartrendering account. this morning though, as i sipped my coffee and perused the top stories on cnn (and yes, it makes me sick to see the attention being wasted on tiger woods - a sorry character indeed) i clicked and read phoebe's sad story.

as i read, my mother's heart felt a stab of pain much as if my own child had felt her pain. who are these people, these heartless teenagers, that could take such pleasure, such satisfaction in hurting someone so? how were they raised that they could be capable of such behaviour? where are their parents? where were the teachers who might have been able to reach out to this girl?

numerous students from phoebe's school admitted that "everyone knew" of the hateful actions and harassment exacted upon her. it was obvious what was happening, yet no one stepped in to defend her. being a teenager is painful in and of itself, let alone being the object of cruel and malicious torture. for all accounts, it appears that the root cause of phoebe's torment was a boy. two boys. all of this over a guy. i shake my head at the waste of it all.

her tormentors were, are monsters. anyone who would turn a blind eye such cruelty also shares the blame. and as parents we're to blame too when we turn our heads on our responsibility in teaching our children the "do unto others" rule, exemplifying in our own actions to love thy neighbor as thyself. who are they to learn from, if not us, the meaning of humility? do we even understand that word - humility? does anyone anymore?

i pray for the soul of this troubled young girl. i pray for her parents. i pray for the sad and sorry hearts of her persecutors - where do they go from here? what hope do they have if, at this early stage of their lives, they are capable of such cruel and despicable actions? and i pray for us, as a people, that we may see the beauty of humanness in the eyes of everyone we meet and that we might realize that as creations of a loving god, there's a part of us in every other living soul. when we're cruel to others, in reality we're only hurting ourselves.

hu.mil.i.ty: noun

1. the quality or state of being humble

2. respectful; feeling or showing

respect or deference

toward other people

in the grand scheme of things, you and me make we.

may we always know that, practice it, and simply...be.

love,

-t.

photo - a flower for phoebe from my collection

taken at the chicago botanic garden in last february

i have been...

2010-04-08T07:50:00.003-07:00

feeling an incredible sense of peace with my life recently. contentment being not simply a word, but more a bonafide feeling. i like that, this sense that i am exactly where i am meant to be, doing precisely what i'm supposed to be doing. right now, today. i'm not reaching, trying to grab the higher spot on the monkey bars. the view is mighty fine from my perch on life's jungle gym. i have what i need. i want for nothing.

i'm getting lots of exercise, fresh air and clean food. i have the company of a good man to share my life. my children are healthy, fully functioning adults who for all practical appearances seriously seem to have their shit together. and they like each other. a lot. me too, and the huz. and those babies - my little grandbeans. having them leaves me feeling sorry for those without. grandchildren, that is. my little family's pretty tightly knit, a blessing i hold in high regard. i have good, good friends and i realize how lucky i am to be held in their countenance.

above all else though, i have peace. one can only understand how vital inner peace is when one is without it. it's painful. i don't ever want to experience life without it again. i'll do whatever it takes to maintain and secure peace in my life. with peace there is freedom. freedom to trust, live honestly, and feel safe.

and i'm writing. not here so much lately (though i miss it, think of it each day, and really want to do better about posting more regularly) but on my own, in the morning, at night, whenever i get the chance. i've taken to carrying a notebook around with me, not leaving home without it. i'm collecting pictures, jotting phrases, making note of new words, unique names, anything of interest that sparks my imagination. these days i think in stories and in doing so i feel as if i come home after an overly long absence. my stories never end, but go on day and night, switching directions like the springtime winds blowing color and life onto the page.

deep post. what did you expect after my having been gone so long? oh, and i have you. reading along whenever i post. for one who so loves to write, there is no greater blessing than to know that someone is reading.

wishing you peace and love on an unseasonably cold morning

a morning to stay tucked in reading

a morning to stay tucked in writing...

-t.

~this, my dear nans, is what i've been up to~

i have been...

2010-04-08T07:50:00.001-07:00

2010-04-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

Hi there, missed you. Sorry I've been absent. I'm keeping this short but wanted to let you know that everyday I think of you, and more so, everyday I think more and more about writing. Daydreaming actually. Story lines, plots, characters and scenes fight for time during my workday. Now so they're even waking me up at night, revealing themselves to me layer by layer.

I'm going to try to keep up here a bit better and on a more casual basis. Checking in. Saying hello and sharing what I've been up to. I'll also be sharing my the titles of current books in which my nose is buried. Speaking of which, I just finished listening to the BBC production of Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. Loved it, though SO sad - perfect example of a poor soul incapable of being happy all the while missing true love as it stares her in the face. That said though, sad as it is, I loved it.

I have a few audios lying in wait...who will it be next? Jane Austen? James Joyce? Over the past few months I've taken a swift dive into the classics all the while discovering a new found joy in the listening. As for hard copy, a coworker of mine suggested I might like The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister and she was right. Loving that too, reminiscent of another one of my all time favorites - Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel.

Am loving the sounds and scents of these glorious spring days, despite the fact that while the sun shines I'm tucked inside the library. That's okay though. At night by the cast of the moon's glow, the window is open blowing in the promise of spring. And as I lie awake, blessed by the caress of the night time air, I conjure and create, spinning stories in my mind.

"Every spring is the only spring. A perpetual astonishment"

-t.

quotation - ellis peters

4 days and a movie tip or two...

2010-03-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

While working the reference desk today I received a call from a patron inquiring about the availability of a few movies. I happily checked into each of the titles on her list – most we had, but some we didn’t. Only a few though. After jotting down the items which held a place on our library shelves, I ended the call by saying that if there were any on her list that I was unable to find I’d give her a call back. After a quick goodbye and the click of the receiver I ventured into the stacks, list in hand.

Treasure found, I sat down and began the process of placing courtesy holds on the DVD’s which she had requested. Entering in the barcode of the first DVD and proceeding to the next I realized this wasn’t just any list. The list was selective, consisting of seemingly worthwhile, albeit superior content. This person had taken her time in choosing what to watch. Possibly what to allow her children to view. I couldn’t help but wonder where the titles had come from. Had this patron found the titles on some other list? Where? That’s one thing about working at a library, I always wonder, “where do the questions come from?”

I found myself reading the back descriptions of each film selected and taking note, creating my own “to view” list based on her selections. Considering the sorry sum of what’s on at any given time I snap on the tube, and also taking into account the short supply of time I afford to being a couch potato, I recognized the value of this list. It’s such an interesting list, films highly regarded yet I’ve only heard mention of a few. If you’re like me, you take pleasure in the discovery of a good film, a can’t-put-downable book, or a new recording artist on the advice of another. I work in a library. I live for this stuff. As the old saying goes, so little time, so many books, or songs, or films...and never enough time.

For your spare time (which is precious), here’s the list:

Grizzly Man

(non-fiction documentary)
Body of Lies

(with Leonardo DiCaprio, who I liken to our time’s James Cagney)
Half Nelson

(Ryan Gosling, Shareeka Epps and Anthony Mackie)
Elephant

(a film by Gus Van Sant, not about elephants)
In America

(scads of Oscar nods a few years ago)
Once

(noted by the Chicago Tribune as quite possibly “the best music film of our generation”)

There you have it. Visit your local library and check one out. And while you’re at it, take a peek at the non-fiction DVD section. You’d be amazed at what you’ll find. Who needs American Idol? The real gold is on the shelf at your local library. Just a little tip from one who knows...

“I’m not a cabdriver, I’m a coffeepot.”
(from one of MY very favorite QUALITY films – Arsenic and Old Lace, 1944)

-t.

19 days winding down to 5, real quick...

2010-03-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

it isn't just any birthday, but a milestone. the way i see it, if i haven't' got my #$%& together by the time i round fifty, then i'm going to quit hoping. that's not the way it is with me though. i'd like to think that i pretty much do have it together, for the most part.

there's always room for improvement though. a path in a better direction. i've anticipated this birthday everyday for the last 325 days or so. not in a bad way, but as a goal. i've written here on creating a list. didn't quite ever manage to do that, but that list is in my head, thoughts swimming around like goldfish in a bowl.

i'm down to the wire. no more time to waste. but then again, is there ever enough time to waste? waste no more, there's things i've got to take care of. things i've got to do. i'll jot them as they come to me, but here's a few just off the top of my head for today...

i wrote this 19 days ago

when i thought it was important

to make a list of things in my life

i needed to improve upon.

i've changed my mind about that.

we're always making lists, resolving, promising...

dangling hypothetical carrots before us

in an attempt to improve upon

what already is.

screw the carrots. to hell with the list.

i'm going to quit wasting time on "do better" lists.

we all should.

we're damn well good enough.

there are so many wonderful things about us,

yet all we focus on is the negative.

i hate negative.

a positive state of mind is my true nature.

how about a list of our accomplishments,

what we like about ourselves?

the part of us that is O-KAY

what a concept.

one thing i like about myself is that

i'm strong. emotionally, mentally.

strong to the point where i even surprise myself.

been through plenty of bullshit in my life

and have come out damn well for it.

know that there'll be plenty more down the road

but also know that my legs won't break.

i'll stand strong.

that's not to say there aren't moments when i cry my fool eyes out.

i do. then i grab a tissue, blow my nose,

and thank god that i'm still standing.

thank him mightily for cleansing tears

and the relief that comes after a good wash.

i always think about the me that my kids see.

the example that i set for them.

i know all too well that they're watching,

and as their mother, they need me strong.

they need to learn (through watching me?)

that instead of falling down flat and getting run over,

the road will rise to meet them.

if there's one lesson in life i've learned, it's just that.

every blessed thing that's happened to me, good, bad or otherwise

has made who i am today.

i have not become a victim. i am not a statistic.

i am a strong woman.

the child of a loving god.

i love my life - the good, bad, ugly all of it.

i am grateful for every lesson which my life experiences have taught me.

the most important lesson being

that i am no one's victim.

that in forgiveness we are made strong.

and i will survive.

the sun comes up every day and life goes on,

far too precious to waste on a bad memory

or a lesson gone unlearned.

i wouldn't trade one second of my life, not a second.

because of where i've been and where i have yet to go,

i am strong. i am me.

and i like that just fine.

seeing that fifty f-ing rocks...

-t.

the language? sometimes it just fits.

i'm not sorry for that either.

just being honest.

the photo? me, from another perspective

contemplative moments on a beach in maui

12 days...

2010-03-08T08:29:00.000-08:00

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,
but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

Wise words, no? This is my today, yours too, to get busy and make happen the life we're meant to live. I've been presented with a circumstance which is causing me to have a good hard look at how I'm living my life, spending my precious time. Change is in order, doctor's orders, as a matter of fact.

I'm fully aware that the time has come to slow up. Let go. Give stress a good kick in the pants in the direction of the door. I'm the type of person that feels this idiotic need to do everything myself. I'm not saying I have to have it that way so that it'll be right, because that's certainly not the case. I just tend to take on way more than my share - here you have it, in print - I can be a bit of a control freak. That's just not healthy, for me or for anyone. And it's not really fair either to those who are far more talented than I.

I'm working on a list of changes I need to make. Areas of my life where the load can be lightened. Work. Home. But mostly work. I wear way too many hats there. I have a clear vision of what is most important to me in life, and I want to be here for as long as possible for those purposes. In striving to keep myself well I've focused all of my attention on diet and exercise, but have neglected to pay heed to the damage stress has on my heart.

No more. Time to come full circle and be wise enough to realize that I don't have to do everything. I am surrounded by wonderfully talented and fully capable people who are indeed far better than me at getting the job done. Time to realize what things can be eliminated in my life and to focus on doing my best at what's left after that. Time also to welcome new delights...writing, crafting. Giving my home some love. Spending way more time with my family. My wonderful husband. Time to stop giving everything else my first attention and save that for what's truly important. Living my life better so that I can have more. Time.

Reasons number 1 and 2 are pictured in the photo that accompanies this post - my grandbeans Tyler and Ella. I envision one more title to be included in my life biography, somewhere off in the distant future. Great Gramma. I'm going to live my life now in order for that to happen. And I know it will.

Keeping it all in perspective this foggy Monday morning,

-t.

quote - Maria Robinson

16 days...

2010-03-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

crimson seasons

late winter sunshine whispers lemony warmth
through lacy branch patterns
stirring you awake,
tracing your licorice trunk,
deep to your roots,
soon, buds tight as june bugs will spread open wings
revealing a fiery brilliance.
pie plate leaves in hues of
eggplant, fat sweet cherries and pinot noir
will shade the grass where children play
into fall where you’ll bid adieu
and in your farewell song will be all the colors
of a burning sunset...

This is my submission for writer's group tonight. Our prompt was to write a description of a tree without using the names of colors. This group sits among the heaping piles of blessings in my life. My only qualifications (term used VERY loosely here) in leading this group is my two-fold passion...for writing and for people. I don't take my position among these talented writers lightly, and I must confess to a grain of selfishness in being a part. From them I gain inspiration, motivation and a fair dose of confidence. Writing's scary business, but the rewards can't be beat. I don't ever expect to publish and I'm certainly not trying to convince myself that I'm the next great American author. I find my rewards in sitting back and resting in the feeling of peace that writing affords me.

Writing...just another wonderful discovery, a chapter in the book that is my life. I never, ever thought I'd take pleasure in writing. But then I followed my own advice and began to write fearlessly, with "reckless abandon." I love that phrase. Reckless abandon. Are you throwing yourself into something in your life in such a fashion? Should you be? Choose your passion and jump. Shed fear and just do it, for no one but yourself. It's totally okay.

Definitely not afraid of the water...

-t.

17 days...

2010-03-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know what the heck happened last night when I was trying to post. Somehow my "18 days" ended up underneath "19 days." I'm not blaming blogger, as I'm fully aware that when technical difficulties arise the cause is typically operator error. So after tuning in to "17 days" take a look at "18 days" located under "19 days." HA!

Woke up with a smile on my face and a song in my heart today. No real reason in particular - just feeling mighty blessed and grateful. I've heard it said that if the only prayer you ever said in life was thank you, then that would certainly suffice. I woke up in the spirit of gratitude which is a fine good morning. That phrase has continued as my mantra all this sunny day long.

Mighty pleased with myself today...my goal at the gym this morning was to run for 20 minutes followed by a walk and a climb on the treadmill for a combined total of 40 minutes of cardio. I haven't included running in my workouts for months, so I was really talking myself into doing this today. I surprised myself though...after 20 minutes I just kept going 'cuz it felt so damn good. Exceeded my goal by running more than the equivalent of a 5K, which I haven't done for nearly a year.

40 minutes and 3 and a half miles later I was at the invisible finish line, feeling like I'd run for the gold. When I push myself like that my body reacts and my emotions just let go. Tears come and I can't stop them. I love that! On the drive home I could feel the adrenalin rush...warm and calming having an unmistakable physical effect on me. This is my drug, giving my body what it needs to sustain me, keeping me in good health.

I wish everyone knew the fantastic effects physical exercise (the kind that makes you break a good sweat) has on the mind and the body. When it comes to weight loss, looking and feeling good, I often hear the phrase "I wish there was a silver bullet, a key, an easy way." There is. It lies inside you. It's your ability to move. You just have to do it, religiously, and when you come to the point where you have an experience like I did today you won't ever want to go without it.

There's a part of me that goes missing when I put off my workouts, and the only way I can find it is by tying on those gym shoes and stepping out. This morning I moved. Moved more than I'd thought I would, much to my surprise. iPod blasting songs like shorty got low, what have you done today to make yourself proud, are we humans or are we dancers, the disco version of Pachabel's Cannon in D...damn that sure felt good.

feeling good, hope you are too...

-t.

19 days...

2010-03-01T18:05:00.000-08:00

sometimes you know exactly which way the road's going.

you've been through the twists,

recognize the turns.

but other times you find yourself on a detour

forced to travel through unfamiliar territory.

no map, no where to stop to ask the way

and you're the one at the wheel

there are passengers counting on you.

to allow yourself to show fear, that you're lost

causes them the same alarm,

fear of the unknown.

and remembering, leaning on, falling into

faith.

faith that he's there, always, to show the way.

there, to calm your unease.

there, with a shoulder, ready to catch your tears.

and in remembering that, things aren't so scary anymore

there've been plenty of roads which you didn't choose to be on

and although you might have felt alone

he was always there, right there

on the seat right beside you.

writing it out has made me feel better,

see things a bit more clearly.

trusting & believing...

-t.

p.s...the butterflies are for my mom

the artwork is one of many on display at my library

the work of the students at the schools in my community

18 days...

2010-03-01T03:35:00.000-08:00

on sunday i had my first "guest post" gig, although i wasn't aware at the time that what i was writing was "post worthy," especially on amy alessio's "vintage cookbooks" blog. amy is one of my librarian heroes - librarian, author, blogger, mother. i've met her only once, and that was at a program at my library, but happy i was to have had the chance. she'll be back at my library for her "crazy about cakes" program in may. trust me, you won't want to miss it.

amy is fun, interesting, so very smart, really has it all together. her blog is my favorite - i read it every day without fail. crazy recipes from "back in the day." i share her love of vintage. times gone by. looking through such a lens is like taking a step back in time. better times, i tend to think. times when people had a notion of the definition of respect. for themselves and for others.

times when ladies wore dresses and gloves and men wore hats, a jacket and a tie - not for a night out but for every day. sometimes i like to close my eyes and picture us now but in "back then" style. i wonder if things will ever turn around enough so that some things will go back to the way they were. i'm a dreamer, but i'd like to think that maybe there's a chance.

for now though, i remain in a "singing in the rain" world. and i'm sure grateful for those who share the love of days gone by like i do. like amy. funny though, for all that she's "vintage," she keeps the teens at the schaumburg township library happy, busy and in the library - the definitive programming diva. amy's second book on library programming for teens will be published this spring. my hero? definitely.

i'm a total blogspot idiot and am ignorant in how to post a link to the word "here." so click the link below if you're interested in checking out my 15 minutes of fame on my favorite blog...

http://vintagecookbooks.blogspot.com/

amy posted my recipe last sunday, february 28. scroll down and read and have fun reading everything before my post. i'll be you'll find yourself enjoying amy's blog as much as i do.

happy tuesday evening.

i'm pooped. it's been a long day.

time to head upstairs with my book

amy & isabelle

no, not that amy:)

i'm reading it for the second time around for book club

and it's even better than i remember...

zzzz...

-t.

she got off the couch...

2010-02-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

wake up call today...50th birthday is a mere 25 days away and personal goals have not been met. over the past few weeks i've slipped into a dangerous pattern. home from work. replace work clothes with baggy flannels and a big sweat shirt. hardly sexy. it's a wonder the huz doesn't laugh when he looks at me. whip up dinner (healthy mostly, i've stuck to that). dishes, and trying not to be pissed off that i'm the one who always does them, and chastising myself for not setting the "i'll cook you clean" rule a hundred years ago when we got married.

onto the slow drift into brainlessness courtesy of our new big screen tv. endless episodes of the office (my favorite show-pure genius). the bachelor, which has me hooked at the lip. i like vienna. no one else seems to, but i do. the olympics. and i'm sorry, but i just don't really care about that this time around. in my old age i've grown sensitive to watching people fall in a death dive down an icy mountain. too much stress for me. i'd love to watch the skating, but knowing how much don doesn't really puts a damper on my enjoyment. when we're watching, i almost feel like i have to say to him, "don't worry, it's almost over. the song is almost done." and skating stresses me out too. this is the olympics for cry-eye, and still one spill after another. you'd think once a skater reaches this point you wouldn't see so much of that.

my winter nights have grown incessantly monotonous, and it's time to turn the tables (or should i say, turn away from the tv?). tonight i'll be in the kitchen baking something wonderful up for my book clubs and for the job club at the library. and in the evenings to come, i'll forgo the tv for my little studio - to write, to make jewelry, create cards...use my creativity instead of having it sucked out of my head courtesy of our energy sapping mega watt tv in the family room. my entertainment, an audio book. my sanity, regained.

and one more thing...no more breaks from the gym. had an eye opener at the doc yesterday. another stress test, another close look at my heart. talk about perspective! had a good work out this morning. plan to have another tomorrow. goal is 5 days a week, no fooling. i'll follow my healthy girl regimen to a capital T. i did 45 minutes of walk/run/climb cardio and it made me feel like a million bucks. i need that. we all do.

i did want to share a recipe that's helped me to stay healthy and keep my spirits up this winter. i found this recipe in my new favorite cook book - clean food: a seasonal guide for eating close to the source with more than 200 recipes for a healthy and sustainable you by terry walters. i hope you take the time to brew some up for yourself. the author defines this as "medicine in a glass" and i totally agree. there's just so much about it that's ridiculously good for you. the kukicha tea can be found at wholefoods, trader joes or online.

found inspiration in a beautiful blog today. i hope you enjoy it too.check it out...

http://mainemomma.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-asked.html

stretching after a long stint on the sofa

and ready to move...

-t.

iced kukicha fruit tea

boil 4 cups of water. remove from heat and add 4 kukicha tea bags and a stick of cinnamon. let sit to brew for about 20-25 minutes. remove tea bags and squeeze out excess tea. pour brewed tea into 2 quart pitcher. add 1 cup pomegranate juice (i use pom, available for a good price at costco), 2 cups all natural apple juice (i use organic from whole foods) and 3/4 cup orange juice. toss the cinnamon stick into the pitcher. chill thoroughly. enjoy!

and if i had it to do over again, i wouldn't change a thing...

2010-02-22T08:01:00.000-08:00

32 years ago when i was seriously "wet behind the ears"

i made the ultimate promise

to love, honor, cherish - for all the days of my life

who knows what they're getting into

when they make those promises?

too many of us don't.

that's what keeps the divorce lawyers

happy in their big houses and expensive cars.

i didn't either, but i've learned along the way

how much i can give.

how far love goes.

that successful marriages demand selflessness,

putting those i love before myself,

especially in the difficult times.

difficult times? we've navigated our fair share.
my marriage has survived and thrived
through struggles challenging enough
for most to bail, jump ship.
i hung on though, my husband too.

because true love does exist.
we discovered it in the fall of 1975.
and an honest love does indeed conquer all.
true love bravely admits
"i am because you are."
true love promises
in good times and bad i will be by you
for all of my days, without fail.

sometimes easy, sometimes not so much
but always steadfast, true...
something to count on at the end of each day.

when times get tough

(and no matter how pretty your wedding day, they do)

i am here for you and will love you like no other.

forever.

don and i...
we have it.
so many wonderful memories,
our beautiful family
crazywonderfulhappytimes
and
painfulscarysadtimes
but through it all we've always been able
to count on each other.

more of the same ahead,
for who can predict the future?
but i know in my heart
that every decision i've made where
my marriage is concerned
i've made for the right reason...
because i love this man.
soul mates do exist and he is mine.
and i stand true to the promises i made
on february 18, 1978
because that's what a marriage is...
knowing the definition of a promise
and knowing how to keep it.

in love for life...

-t.

photos...the flowers don gave me for our anniversary
courtesy of the chicago botanic garden

p.s. our date also included a trip to the movies
i HIGHLY recommend "up in the air" with george clooney
it really makes you think...

a brownie recipe courtesy of liz...

2010-02-20T05:06:00.000-08:00

i've been meaning to get here all week long

but a crazy hectic week has made that impossible.

one thing i must share with you though

is this incredibly rich and delicious

and ridiculously healthy

recipe for brownies. black bean brownies.

trust me, i'm going to make a believer out of you.

this recipe comes from my friend liz...

one of my lovely book club buddies.

here's what you'll need:

one package ghirardelli brownie mix (triple chocolate)

one 16 oz. can of black beans (undrained)

an 8x8 baking dish

a few sprays of pam

empty your brownie mix into a mixing bowl

dump the beans into your food processor

process those beans 'til they're smooth

pour the beans onto your brownie mix and mix well

turn the batter into your prepared baking dish

and bake at 350 degrees for about 45 minutes at 325 degrees

(you may need to add a few minutes of baking time)

you'll know the brownies are done when the batter

pulls away slightly from the sides of the dish.

cool completely (and savor the aroma - YUM!)

when cooled completely slice and enjoy

i like to sprinkle a dash of organic powdered sugar on top

but that's not really necessary - they're delish without

i prefer to keep them in the fridge

because i like them better when they're chilled

but that's just my preference.

how about that?

brownies, with pretty much zero fat

and loaded with fiber and protein.

decadence that's good for you!

i ate one every night last week.

with a ice cold glass of soy milk.

guilt free bliss...

show yourself some love,

mix some up for yourself this weekend and enjoy!

love and brownie crumbs...

-t.

if i was...

2010-02-16T03:04:00.000-08:00

a month...july

a day...saturday

an adjective...real

a color...sky blue

a flower...queen anne's lace (wild and unrehearsed)

a musical instrument...smokey sax

a fruit...strawberry

a shoe...flip flop

a planet...venus

a taste...fresh

an emotion...buoyant

a song...ravel's bolero

a store...entwined (a favorite floral boutique)

a book...simple abundance by breathnach

a scent...rosemary mint

a tool...looking glass

a tree...oak

a creature...a cat stretched out in the sun

a verb...forgiving

happy tuesday with love...

-t.

a fun exercise in creativity found in the blogosphere

where far more creative minds than mine roam free

photo...taken last summer at "dave's cabin"

my very favorite place to be

A Very Happy Valentines Weekend...

2010-02-14T15:54:00.001-08:00

Love. It's what we're all about today, it being Valentine's Day, or the end of it at this point. My day has been simply wonderful, picture perfect. My whole weekend as a matter of fact. Left straight from work Friday night to head down to Springfield for my niece's final "big show" in her cheerleading career - the State ICCA Cheer Competition. My sis coaches the team, so it was a pretty big deal for both of them, especially considering that Caity (niece) is a senior, making this event particularly bittersweet.

What a day. Cait's team was about the 9th one out yesterday morning. The first 8 were okay, good cheering, fun to watch. But wow. When the Richmond Burton Rockets took their places the floor came to life. Watching them I knew right away - this is what a 1st place team looks like. You could see it in the way the judges sat up and took notice. God, that was fun. And what pride my sis must have felt, watching her precious daughter cheer her heart out. I was as proud as if Caity were my own daughter. But then again, I AM her Auntie:)

After 8 straight hours of one team after another, the awards were announced. Caity's team took first place out of 22 teams in her division. It was the happiest moment...tears, laughter, hugs. All their hard work paid off in a very sweet victory. One girl performed with two broken fingers, another with a fractured ankle. You'd never have guessed, as these ladies left everything they had right there on the floor. How lucky I was to have been there, a moment worth a million bucks, that's for sure. The sweetest part was that as the girls pulled into town the local fire department was there, sirens blaring and lights flashing, ready to escort the girls into town, right up to the front steps of the high school. Talk about home town spirit - Richmond, Illinois has it down pat!

Before I went to work on Friday I mixed up a batch of sugar cookie batter. I knew I'd be pooped by the time I got home last night (after midnight). This year for Valentines Day I wanted to bake up heart cookies to give. I'm sure glad I took the time because that's how I started my day today - listening to my favorite CD (Terra Guitarra - check it out at http://www.patchouli.net/), slurping my coffee and baking cookies.

I wrapped them with love and headed off to deliver - a batch to my neighbor who lost her husband to cancer a few months ago, some to a friend who is alone in her brand new home, batches to my daughters and their families, a batch to my parents, and of course a plateful for the love of my life, my husband.

No fancy words tonight. Just spilling from the brain to the keyboard. Am giving huge thanks today for this blessed weekend. For the people I love. For my husband - a very good man. I'll write more later in the week on love as Don and I celebrate our 32nd anniversay on the 18th. In his Valentine to me he wrote "does this make 34? And each year I love you more and more." 34 years and this wonderful man has agreed to be my Valentine. Lucky me!

Wishing you love - the long lasting kind...

-t.

following...

2010-02-10T10:32:00.000-08:00

the day began in sparkles

following a pre-dawn rumble

foundations moving me from sleep

into the wide awake

ironic this movement

so uncommon in my corner of the world

my heart beats fast

familiar with the shift

the restlessness and unease

a feeling i've tried to supress

through short winter days

and endless winter nights

all the day long

i focused on the beauty

ever present at every turn

blue eyes drinking in

the winter-ness

of this february day

my neighbor mr. joe

lost in the snowy white

as he clears a path to his door
i stop and watch

a snowy cloud wrapped around him

and i smile

as i watch

winter, a swirling dance partner

to an unsuspecting mr. joe

the table where the deer feed

frosted in a layer of white

no more corn for the deer

the huz grows tired of feeding them

once the christmas bells grow silent

poor things, makes me so sad

that look in their big brown eyes

as they approach an empty table

the promise of fresh green grass

still a long way off

my currier and ives world

a simple wednesday

and i write tonight because i couldn't sleep if i didn't

not really saying what's in my heart

but the writer in me longing

(with every breath i take)

just to write

for the sake of writing

and wondering, about this whole blog idea

who really reads, who's really out there

but reminding myself that it's me i'm answering to

just me, my own best/worst critic

longing to say more on a cold winter night

but sleepy and stopped short

sapped of the energy

to do what i really love doing...

playing with words

-t.

p.s. i miss you nans.

"hope is the dream of a soul awake..."

2010-02-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

i look back in amazement at the curves and turns my mind has navigated over the past week or so, where more often than not, i’ve felt so blue. dreary sadness, melancholy... emotions manifesting in tears of misunderstanding and frustration coming from god knows where. tear drops falling in gloomy splotches, melting my words into inky blue puddles on the page.

i’ve found that i’m not alone in this mire of unquestionable yuckiness. seems everyone i talk to this week is slogging along the same dismal path. winter blues? seasonal whatever-you-call-it disorder? regardless of the true cause, this dull phenomena rests on the winter weary shoulders of a number of people i’ve spoken with recently.

the important thing to remember here is that we recognize this for what it is – a temporal experience. one that can be fixed, or if not fixed then certainly helped along a bit. there are things we can do to get us through to the sunny side. by remaining aware and in the present moment, we understand the impermanence of bleak times such as this.

by being aware, you realize that with a smile, a conversation, a flash of sunshine between a sliver of cloud, this. too. shall. pass. the past 24 hours have provided me with any number of just such instances. as a result i believe its safe to say that my funky fog seems to be lifting.

liberation came yesterday in the form of a tiny green bud resting in a shot glass lying in wait for me on the kitchen counter. a short note of encouragment from my husband sat next to the glass. aware of my mood he searched through the snow for a “ray of sunshine” for me. naturally, i thanked him, but i have to wonder. does he comprehend how his thoughtfulness warmed me back into feeling a bit more myself? warmth to melt the ice. love to lift my heart.

that tiny green bud in all its hopefulness. inspiration. proof of warmer, sunnier days to come. and by being aware, by remaining in the present moment, not allowing myself to become “snowed under,” i was able to recognize love looking me in the face, changing my direction. in a shotglass. a tiny green shoot. a note scribbled...a map leading me up a snowy path right back to myself.

blue skies and sunshine...

-t.

title quote - a french proverb

tuesday sort of thoughts...

2010-02-02T15:34:00.000-08:00

feeling my way through the waking hour

i stumble over a cat

startling light bounces blinding reflections as

i take a glance at my slept on face

in the bathroom mirror

"today is going to be a good day" i say

kicking the winter doldrums

out of my way along with

the cat that trips me down the stairs

towards the coffee pot - my life line to this day

a dollop of drippy agave syrup

a splash of cream (the real stuff)

the scent of cinnamon rising from toasted raisin bread

its aroma reminds me...

it's going to be a good day

a good turn at the gym

a hearty egg white omelet breakfast

the day's nourishment tucked into my lunchbox

and i'm out of the door and heading straight into

my day, a good day, or did i already say that?

traveling snowy roads, a flock of birds

just ahead, right above me

swirling left, then right,

tightly woven in a pattern of flight

my workday commences in a school auditorium

where the talent of a chicago shakespeare ensemble

(whose visit i've coordinated)

falls on the deaf ears and dulls minds of, oh...

i'd say about 400 or so teenagers

but hey, this is a good day. so what?

it was a treat for me, this marvelous performance.

tell me, who begins their work day

entertained by a meeting of the minds of

william shakespeare and george bernard shaw

as they come crashing together on the topics of love and politics?

back to the (teenager-free) safety of my klimt decorated cube

my afternoon spent reading books about books about books.

shubert, mozart, beethoven keeping my mind sharp

classical notes mixing with the amicable chatter of my co-workers.

another program tonight - money talk for the money challenged

help for those in need. another reminder...

(besides the fact that my needs these days are so blessfully few)

it's a good day in knowing that my life work is this.

touching base with my cousin

a promise kept to stay in touch following our gram's funeral.

he wrote first which made my heart sing.

going home to a snow cleared driveway,

a path cleared courtesy of a daughter's call to a giving neighbor

(huz has a sorely pulled muscle - not in "shovel shape")

home once more.

hello cats, tosca, figaro. did you miss me?

(we missed your hands, your thumbs, can you feed us please?)

into the arms of my husband, safe and sound.

home safe.

a good day? indeed.

tuesday, and once more...so grateful.

for my simple BIG life.

-t.

dreams are necessary to life...

2010-01-31T17:22:00.000-08:00

i write sleepy, feeling a bit worn out tonight. i'm glad that january is at its point of exhaustion, february taking its place with a whole new set of days. for all the wonder that january was - heart stoppping moments, all the soul's emotions played out over 30 bone chilling days - the curtain closes. and yeah, the month's worthy of a standing ovation, but i'm ready for a new cast of days.

in the waning hours of this most memorable january, i've enjoyed blessed time with my grandbeans. spent precious hours with my dad. watched that silly tear jerker monkey movie, project x, with him but quickly headed out the door before the sad part at the end. and my babies - dancing in my kitchen with ella, spinning her, my princess buttercup, singing disney songs. the scent of gingerbread pancakes from breakfast lingering in the air. listening as my tyler bean navigates an imaginary race track, motoring his matchbox cars across invisible finish lines. gathering with my book club gals to catch up, my soul filled with the delight i find in their company.

a perfect send off for january, i'd say. and welcome to february. my goals for the month? to work even harder, commit myself even more so, to my physical health. get my ass to the gym and meet my five day weekly minimum goal. eat clean and honest. lend concentration to my good health. focus on love this month (you know, with valentines and all?). give a little more of myself to the ones i love. show myself some love by spending time doing what i love - writing, cooking. get back into working on my jewelry, stuff like that. dreamy, just the thought of it.

i wish you 28 days of life as you wish it, doing what you love to do and loving yourself for doing it. i sent my grandbeans to sleep last night saying, " close your eyes and think of all of the things you love. think hard now, picture it. there now, go to sleep, dream. and what you love will be there waiting for you. in your dreams." to you i say, close your eyes and picture what you love. your life over the course of the next month. dream over it. then open your eyes and follow where your dreams lead. that's what i'm going to do. dream, believe, and get ready to wake up and find that my dreams have come true.

buenos noches...

-t.

a dream is a wish your heart makes

when you're fast asleep

in dreams you lose your heartaches

whatever you wish for, you keep

have faith in your dreams and someday

your rainbow will come smiling thru

no matter how your heart is grieving

if you keep on believing

the dream that you wish will come true

(the song princess buttercup and i danced to - inspiration for my post tonight)

“In art the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can inspire”

2010-01-29T08:57:00.000-08:00

inspiration:

stimulation to do creative work ~ stimulation for the human mind to creative thought or to the making of art

somebody or something that inspires somebody to creative thought or to the making of art

creativeness ~ a moment of inspiration

good idea ~ a sudden brilliant idea

breathing in ~ physiology – the drawing of air into the lungs

fourteen straight days of moments, hundreds of them, where my mind has found inspiration. holding a loved one in the final moments of life. the shared witnessing of the divine presence revealed in a beige hospital room. the arms of my husband, his gentle voice – all reminding me of why i stay, why i remain committed. preparing a final celebration for a giving, loving life that truly mattered, for one loved beyond doubt. choosing the perfect rose, the most meaningful reading, food to nourish hearts seeking solace. sons gathered – three lives, full volumes each – love found, love lost, physical complaints faced with strength, bravery. family. friends. words of love, condolence, reconnection, reunion, life. my three kids – the picture of them seated together in church, the sun shining down on them through a stained glass window. the laughter of my grandbabies bouncing from one room to another throughout the day – their innocence insulating them from sorrow, protecting them from the sad (but happy too) reason for our gathering. bouncing off beds. swiping cookies off a platter as they dash around a corner, evidence of their presence leaving a cookie crumb trail. reconnecting with my maiden name self – who i was then, who i have become, where i’ll go from here.

every blessed moment, and more with each breath i take. inspiration found everywhere. to write. to create. to imagine telling a story. among the many conversations i’ve had with family and friends over these past few days, one that remains with me is one i had with a cousin who i’ve not seen for years. one, i’ve learned, who also shares my passion for words and for writing. in trying to explain most accurately what i experience through writing, he explained it by saying that “as a writer and an artist, you find inspiration in everything, everywhere.” and he’s right...i see it all the time, it’s there. inspiration. in each conversation, in an embrace, in the color of the sky...everywhere. in seeing and in knowing that i am blessed with a heart that seeks it.

wishing you moments that inspire...
-t.
quotation - ralph waldo emerson
advice from me - seek inspiration at every opportunity and follow your passion with bravado, without fear of what others might think

reflecting, looking back and facing forward...

2010-01-23T05:33:00.000-08:00

i'm really happy for the weekend. finally, sweet saturday and sunday, you're here. all 48 glorious hours of you. my weekend will center around my family, my home. this morning i'll join my sister at the church were my gram's funeral services will be said next week. cyndi and i are joining together to select music, choose readings and provide personal details and fond memories of our gram. after that we'll head for the florist to select flowers for the church. i'm picturing buckets of irish roses - red, of course.

these are happy times for my sister and i, our family. i live by faith and know exactly the place that gram calls home these days. heaven. who wouldn't take joy in the fact that someone they love has that as a forwarding address? and in the days that have ensued following her travel from earth to above our family has naturally been drawn closer together. i've reconnected with my uncle in DC and his wife, my very favorite aunt. i've been introduced and have come to adore my gram's niece who resides in savannah. she's coming to spend next week with us. i can't wait to meet her in person. and my dad, who suffers so from the vestiges of parkinson's disease, is having good days and is lighter in spirit in knowing the family is coming together and that my gram is in peace and at home. and the conversations between my mom and i - some easy, some not so much so - have been priceless. i believe we've come to a greater understanding of each other.

other weekend plans include a movie date with my husband tonight. i'm also trying to steal some time with my nephew mike who turned 15 last week. i'll be cleaning, straightening, getting my home ready to welcome family come monday. a grocery trip's in order because of course my sister and i can't simply order food for the luncheon - our love of cooking dictates the need to prepare dishes of comfort for our family and friends following the service. and i simply can't wait to cook for my uncle rick again. wish aunt ellen was coming too, but things are as they should be and i'll see her soon enough.

i will also too squeeze in precious time to write, for it is in doing so that i find peace. my challenge is to follow the advice of a friend and begin to create character sketches for writing fiction. a whole new world opens up to me with the simple thought of that.

to everything a season, as the verse goes,

a season for every activity under heaven.

may you find the blessing in whatever you do

and wherever you go this weekend.

peace...

-t.

photo caption - taken in bucktown last summer.

i love the reflection of the buildings and the patterns on the glass.

significant, i thought, considering where my thoughts are these days.

colors of a day...

2010-01-21T19:27:00.000-08:00

it started with black...the black of the sky at 4:30 this morning. my body clinging to the memory of sleep, wanting to revisit. my mind arguing and winning. time to get up. pour that coffee. get to the gym. early meeting this morning. things to do. time to get hopping.

navy, blue...deepening in hue, my shirt patch marked with sweat. the result of a good push at the gym. healthy heart. strong body. a scheduled "regular check up" with the cardiologist on the calendar early next week. must. do. good. quell stress. strengthen bones. defy statins. i'll work the cholesterol numbers on my own, thankyouverymuch.

grey...the skies, the road before me as i mapped my way to a meeting this morning with my library programming colleagues. raindrops and splatters on my windshield, light and dark greys dancing their way from top to bottom. a swish and they're gone. a soggy memory.

brown...brown brown brown. the voice spoken from one with rounded features, soft like butter. chirpy librarian voice, making a progrum out of a program. i had to say it quietly to myself. progrum. progrum. my voice silly at the sound of the word. excited brown, yes yes yes - sort of angela lansbury-esque. only brown. not blonde.

green...street signs. watching for the right ones. making my way towards my purpose this day, that being to retrieve...

white...the white box. everything that one life could hold. a life well lived. giving. caring. generous. daughter, sister, wife, mother. my grandmother. a lifetime of rich and wonderful living, all summed up in a white box. sitting on the seat next to me as i make my way home, tired now, feelings tumbling around my head like a child twirling on summer grass. dizzy, not quite sure which way i'm facing. seeking perspective.

purple...a touch of it in the cashmere wrap i wind around my neck, a gift received at christmas. a ready hug stitched into the plaid pattern. cocooned in warmth, i head out into the evening to gather with kindred spirits. lovers of words. brains like mine seeking words to tell the story that is life. a writer's support group, and i am a part. booyah - i'm blessed. if i weren't so tired, i'd dance. that's how happy i am, to be a part of this.

red...the color of my truck. i crawl back inside for the ride home. what a ride we've had today. here, there and everywhere, miles drawn out on a google map. a multiplicity of thought, common interests, bright ideas. perspective. and that white box. live your life while you have it. do everything you have to do and do it with everything you've got. your white box day will come all too soon.

back to blue...an old sweatshirt, providing comfort as i contemplate the day. a good day. mighty fine, in fact. i settle into its fleecy softness as my fingers dance over the keys of my laptop. retracing the steps of what i have hunch might prove to be one of the more significant days of my life (again, the white box).

black too, once again...night falls and i give thanks for the blessing of the last 18 hours of my life. and in giving thanks i lift my glass...

gold...or sort of, i guess. kim crawford in a bottle, a gift from my sister nans. to toast life. the writer's life. amateur. wanting. willing to take the chance.

-t.

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say,

but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin

Touched by an Angel...

2010-01-13T11:22:00.000-08:00

There's a tear in your eye,
And I'm wondering why,
For it never should be there at all.
With such pow'r in your smile,
Sure a stone you'd beguile,
So there's never a teardrop should fall.
When your sweet lilting laughter's
Like some fairy song,
And your eyes twinkle bright as can be;
You should laugh all the while
And all other times smile,
And now, smile a smile for me.

When Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure, 'tis like the morn in Spring.
In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing.
When Irish hearts are happy,
All the world seems bright and gay.
And when Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure, they steal your heart away.

For your smile is a part
Of the love in your heart,
And it makes even sunshine more bright.
Like the linnet's sweet song,
Crooning all the day long,
Comes your laughter and light.
For the springtime of life
Is the sweetest of all
There is ne'er a real care or regret;
And while springtime is ours
Throughout all of youth's hours,
Let us smile each chance we get.

For my dear sweet Gram, an Irish Rose sure and true...

how lucky are the angels in heaven

to have in their presence such an Angel as you.

Elizabeth Shirley McCauley Milanich

January 9, 1921 - January 12, 2010

Cyndi, Caity, Michael and I just want to thank you Gram, just one more time.

In a moment, you changed our world.

With love forever,

-t.

That's what I like about you...

2010-01-11T13:37:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I had lunch with my friend V. Finally a spot cleared in our busy schedules to sit back, break bread and catch up. V's one more precious friendship made through my job at the library. There are others besides me who consider her to be one of those "everyday angels;" caring, loving, giving.

V has been an incredible support to my husband in the past year as well. For the past nine months she has led the job networking group at my library; a group that has been of tremendous benefit to my husband and so many others who find themselves victims of the employment disaster. She has done this purely on a voluntary basis, giving her time and providing encouragement and support to the group. She's the real deal - a truly wonderful human being.

In conversation at lunch, there was something V said that really struck me - in a positive way. She said it a couple of times. As we sat and conversationally solved the problems of the planet, if not our own lives, in explaining herself V said, "That's one thing I like about myself..." and then she proceeded in conversation by mentioning a particular trait which she possessed. Positive traits, like striving to be non-judgemental, those kind of things. But those words, that phrase, "That's one thing I like about myself," that just really caught me.

My friend wasn't boastful, spoke with not a hint of conceit or self-absorption. She simply stated a few things that she particularly liked about herself. And this had me thinking, right away to be honest. How often do we admit to ourselves, or to anyone for that matter, the things that we like about ourselves? When was the last time (if ever) I made such a statement? I loved that V could just do this, very comfortably in fact. It was a lesson to me. Perhaps a lesson for all of us.

We spend so much time focusing on what we don't like about ourselves, and this we share with pretty much anyone who will listen. I hate my hair. I have a terrible singing voice. I dance like a fool. I wish I were more attractive. I wish I were thinner, fatter, taller, shorter, lighter, darker...you know the spiel. When was the last time you heard someone say "That's one thing I really like about myself..." and not just in an attempt to toot their horn? When was the last time YOU said it to YOURSELF?

Thinking positive, being positive and starting with our own selves...imagine that. And as I write this I think "what DO I really like about myself?" How many things can I come up with, these things that I like about myself? How about you? I think it's time to start thinking more along these lines, things I like about myself. Things I have to offer. Things I've been physically blessed with (thanks Mom for my blue eyes). The woman that I've become by navigating the twists and turns on the road that is my life. I like thinking like this.

One thing I really like about myself is that I seem to make friends easily. I don't know why, perhaps its because I really like people. I like that about myself too - that I really like people. All their different personalities. The way they are. What they do. How they look. God's divine creations, and I'm fascinated by them.

There, that's two things. Now what about you? Start a list...

-t.

photo - "I like you."

2010-01-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

Arrived home tonight feeling a tad grumpy. January just does this to me...bright shiny holidays providing endless excitement, color and magic come to a screeching halt with a drop to the minus column on the thermometer. 31 days ahead of me - life in the Illinois tundra, colorless sans the blinding white. Sunny skies telling a bright shiny lie as the inside of my nose freezes shut while I tremble in shivers, the simple act of spilling gas into the car a painful chore. If I had a dollar for every time I cursed the month of January I'd be able to fly to Jamaica.

Isn't it kind of funny though how January provides us with what we need after the holiday mayhem? Dark falling early, though a minute or two of daylight bought for a chilly price gained with the passing of each frigid day. The season calls us to rest, stay in, hunker down. Our pace slowed by the weatherman's forecast.

This cold winter night finds me tucked in my home, snug as a bug. At the ring of 6 bells my work clothes were quickly traded for the warmth and comfort of my favorite flannie pants and a soft sweatshirt. Batches and batches of baking granola are scenting my kitchen with an oatmeal cookie note. The words of my latest audio book playing out through my little sony - and what a good story it is: Angels of Destruction by Keith Donohue - a winter story for sure. I'm hanging off every word. For those in my book clubs, don't be surprised if you see this one on one of our reading lists somewhere along the line.

Long blustery story short, I find myself, as always, feeling pretty rich. Ridiculously blessed. For my warm home. For my Midwestern life. Summer will come soon enough and of course we'll all be grateful. But it's nights such as this, and days such as the one in the photo captured above (taken from my back window looking out into the yard), that keep me feeling fine. Watching the snow soften the lines of a cold winter night, my cat Tosca who hates to be held curled in a warm cat circle upon my lap...I am happy and in peace.

My fingers are crossed in wish and want for a snow day tomorrow...

-t.

hey sister, soul sister...

2010-01-04T17:48:00.000-08:00

just hung up the phone after a good talk with my best friend nans. i love the sound of her voice. i even love when i call her cell and she doesn't answer and i get to hear her voicemail message "...hi! this is nancy's cell phone! Please leave a message..." and in that recording i picture the smile and hear the laugh of my soul sister.

she's been away for the holidays. sort of a pre-emptive "going away practice" for the real going away which happens bit by bit over the course of the next few months. nans is heading back to her home in phoenix -so far away - and we'll turn into friends with a long phone cord. friends with the cost of bi-annual plane tickets posted to our credit card statements. this time around, nans' being away for the holidays felt a tad strange, that four states away feeling sinking in sooner than i had expected. because of the holidays i sort of ignored the feeling, but in the months to come i don't quite know how i'll adjust, her not being here.

i think i may have taken for granted the ease in which i find myself in her company. book clubs, a quick lunch, a breakfast out...a quick phone call and we're there for each other in a shot. and wow, have we been there for each other. we were just speaking of the stress we've managed in our lives over the last couple of years, both of us balancing issues, the weight of which seemed just that much easier because we had each other to lean on. i know nancy, she knows me. and through the ties of friendship we've become so much more - sisters of the heart. that's how we refer to each other.

things will be different, our connection more of a challenge. but thank heavens for the conveniences of communication technology. thank heavens that i don't have little ones at home to worry about any longer, keeping me from taking off for a week with my soul sister. knowing nans and i, the simple fact that we ARE so far away from each other will probably have us eating up cell phone minutes by the ear full. life will still happen, i'll need her to be there, and of course i'll be here for her. and we will. be there for each other. friendships are made with love - this one with a love strong enough to defy distance.

it still scares me, the thought of her leaving. we still have not addressed the issue, neither one of us being able to speak of it in the other's company without the fear of crying our eyes out. this is the first friendship i've had (not counting my little sister, and the thought of her not being there...well, i can't even go there!) where i've felt this strong, sisterly love. in a few months, if and when i'm ever asked "does all of your family live in the area?" i'll answer no. no, i have a sister in phoenix...but we talk all the time.

aloha au ia`oe, nans

-t.

in the photo above i'm with nans and my other sister/friend, irene.

another dear friend, a story for another day.

we're enjoying our signature drinks - kettle one martinis, dirty with blue cheese olives

christmas 2009

Becoming a better me, one day at a time...

2010-01-02T04:21:00.000-08:00

Once or twice a year I'll scan the titles of books I've scavenged, added to my mounting collection of treasure un libre and select a few to donate to the used book sale at my local library (my home away from home - or is it the other way around?). Torrid romances I was sure I'd find the time to secretly indulge in. Treasured novels that are good to have on hand to pass off to a reader in need. Books to consider for future discussions - it's always handy to have my own copies of those. And of course, those books I mean to read, and know that somewhere along the way I'll grab the chance to do so.

But there's one book on my shelf that will always have a place. This book will never make it into the book sale donation box, although when I work the book sale each year I'm astounded at the number of copies - casted off, no longer a fad - that make it to the sale tables. The book I'm speaking of is Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

Years ago Oprah put her million dollar stamp of approval on this precious book. Blessed with the success her power of suggestion guarantees, those wishing for Oprah's promised "something more, road map to authenticity and a better you" flocked to the book stores for a copy. And for millions what started out as a true wish, a bonafide plan, and honest intention, quickly became a fad.

Each year at the book sale we find at least a half a dozen "no longer needed" copies in the donation boxes. This never fails to leave me feeling just a little bit saddened. I can't help but wonder, did this book help someone? Did she find the treasure, did she get it? Knowing I'd be busy once more with the sale last October, my daughter asked me to grab her a copy when I came across one, knowing that I always do. Like me, Stephanie realizes the treasure that is this book. She wanted a copy for her sister-in-law. I keep extra copies of Simple Abundance for just the same reason, with the wish that those I give it to will realize its value. Praying that the copies I share will find their way to a friend's heart, not a table at the used book sale. And I can't help but wonder, did Oprah keep her copy? I'll bet it's even signed by Sarah herself!

I've left Simple Abundance idle, sitting on my book shelf for far too long. I miss it. I need it. For me, this new year has me longing to become a better me. I know that Sarah's book offers the perfect plan. Chapters that inspire, quotes that find their way to index cards which rest on my desk at work or are taped above my coffee maker or my fridge.

This book is a befitting way to begin my blogging year. Sarah's path, her set of instructions, is where I'll look to find inspiration as I work to get to where I long to be. A better me. Authentic. Peaceful. Healthy. Creative. Many have used books as a source of inspiration and challenge in blogging, the most recent and wildly popular Julie and Julia providing an example. For me, this year I'll be spending it with Sarah. For the next 363 days, her wise words and wit will be my guide in creating a life that is an expression of my authentic self. I picked my book up in early December and have been reading along for the past few weeks. Call it coincidence, kismet, or whatever, but the timing couldn't have been better for me to find my way back to this book.

As the December days wound their way down, within the final pages of Simple Abundance I came across one of my favorite quotations, this one being spoken by Henry David Thoreau. I have this quote everywhere - my planner, my journal - it speaks directly to my soul. I'll end by sharing it with you. And I pray that this year you will find your way to the "you" that lies in wait deep inside, your authentic self - longing to live life as only you were meant to live.

"I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of (her) dreams, and endeavors to live the life which (she) has imagined, (she) will meet with a success unexpected in the common hours."

Care to share the journey?

-t.

Hello 2010...

2010-01-01T15:32:00.000-08:00

My blog has consumed my thoughts for weeks on end. I've had so many ideas for posts, so many thoughts that have inspired me to write, but alas I neglected to set aside the time to just do it. That's one of the items on my list of resolutions, new practices, healthy habits for the New Year - write, write often, write confidently, write with reckless abandon.

The way I see it, if something's on my mind on a continual basis, many times throughout each and every day, then this "something" is in dire need of attention. That's how I feel about writing. I think about it ALL of the time. I go throughout my day wishing I could just sit and write, wishing I could write well, thinking about words to use. I long to write and to write well, AND to make it a habit - a daily habit. Even if 20 minutes a day is all that I can commit, commit I shall.

That said, and like so many others at this time of "fresh start, new beginnings, blank pages and bold resolutions," I cast my list of aspirations for 2010 to the page.

Develop the writer within. (I'm convinced she's there, laying in wait with a sharp pencil that's itching to scratch a page)
Commit to following a health sustaining lifestyle - whole foods, organic as much as possible (I'll be writing much on this in the days and weeks ahead)
Stick to the recently re-introduced practice of daily exercise (what a stress buster - I'd almost forgotten how much!)
Travel West (for real this time). I have a tentative trip to Sedona planned for April. I AM NOT cancelling this one!

And most important on my list this year...

Slow down and enjoy the scenery. I've been through a VERY challenging year - professionally and personally. I made it through the stress, but its effects scare me a little bit.

This is a big year for me. You too. I'd love to hear about your plans for 2010 - your resolutions, your dreams. I'm excited about a whole new calendar of days, all 365 of them. A new decade, fresh start, clean slate. I'm happy for you too, your plans for the coming year. Happy New Year to us...oh the places we'll go in 2010!

There are years that ask questions and years that answer.

What kind of year will this be for you?

Committed to the promises I'm making to myself,

-t.

Photo...a path in the forest preserve. Appropriate, I thought, for this post.

just for the sake of saying i wrote today...

2009-12-04T19:34:00.001-08:00

i'm so, so grateful for...

friends. book club friends. library friends. roberta. peggy. carolyn. nans. my little sister cyndi. nancy k. irene. so many more. how did i ever manage to deserve such collegial bounty?
my job. the opportunities it presents. books. programs. trips. people. i live my dream each day of the week. and i get paid for it.
my husband. my high school sweetheart. his love. his support and help. the fact that at 6 a.m. he got up and shovelled the drive and then came in and cleaned our bathroom. i'm such a slob and he's my absolute perfecto polar opposite. but he always says "we make a great team." i love you D.
coming home tonight after a wintry wonderful bus trip day to a quiet house, a glass of pinot (or three) white cheddar popcorn and a good book (wideacre - philippa gregory's first novel - cheezy, but i'm in my "free read" zone)
looking forward to my annual holiday book club luncheon tomorrow - amazingly wonderful women who are SO MUCH fun to be with. i. simply. can't. wait.
writing. because when you do it, you can do it however you want. simple, or complex.
thinking each day that, although i don't always write, it's there waiting for me for when i allow the time.
seeing the pabst mansion for the very first time and feeling alive with inspiration at what surrounded me.
my antique shop steals - two shiver my spine pictures that hid away in wait, only for me to find them.
the fact that my friends won't let my granola dream die, no matter how much i push it off. thank you.

my slightly wine-soaked head's headed for the sofa. my favorite christmas quilt. a pillow to rest my head. those cheezy "fa la la la la lifetime" christmas movies. and quiet. peace in my life. rest. and getting ready for tomorrow when i celebrate with friends. friends in books. what better friends could there be.

tomorrow is st. nicholas eve. get your list ready:)

feliz...

-t.

right here, right now is the only place i wanna be...

2009-11-20T13:19:00.000-08:00

i'm awed by those moments in life where the universe expresses to me that right now, right here, i'm exactly where i'm meant to be and doing what i'm meant to do. without a doubt, just me here, right now, living this life. this whole week, the last few in fact, have been a succession of just such days. i'm at such peace with this right now and i'm ever so grateful for the realization. grateful for so very much these days. but today, especially grateful for this.

"that is happiness; to be dissolved into something that is completely great."

willa cather

namaste,

-t.

ps...photo taken with love by me, setting courtesy of the mighty one

lakewood forest preserve on a frosty fall morning

pancakes as promised...

2009-11-11T03:23:00.000-08:00

to accompany this post, i wish i had a nice picture of the steamy good stack of pancakes i stirred up yesterday morning. sadly those babies are gone, except for a single two stack serving which i'll lovingly serve to the huz this morning for breakfast. i know i'm really talking it up big about these pancakes, but they're worth every word of praise. when it comes to my cooking, there's a few things i'll really crow about - my way with conjuring up soups you'd steal for, of course my granola:), my fricking ridiculous giardelli bliss bars and last, but certainly not least, my pancakes. they're my ultimate comfort food. every time i eat them i say right out loud to whoever's listening, "i make the best pancakes. i love my pancakes."

now i know there are those dishes where, when prepared, you're the star of the show in your kitchen - admit it! there are just some things you create that deserve a standing ovation. give yourself the applause you deserve and the next time you bless your loved ones with the gift of enjoying the fruit of your culinary labors, say it out loud - DAMN I'M GOOD. THIS IS BEST_______I'VE EVER HAD! YOU ALL ARE LUCKY TO BE EATING THIS RIGHT NOW, WOULDN'T YOU AGREE??? never mind the silly look they give, you know you're the cat's ass of your kitchen domain.

anyhow...here goes, my recipe for healthy, delicious, satisfying, stick with you, honestly good for you pancakes. my own recipe, made by altering, adding to, subtracting from other recipes i've found over time. at the end i've added additional ideas for making these little love cakes even more healthy, more good for you.

terri's good-for-you whole wheat pancakes

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup non-fat milk (i use plain soy milk, but dairy is fine too)

1/4 t. baking powder

1/2 t. baking soda

1/2 T. sugar (use a T - what looks to you like half is half)

1 t. vanilla

1 egg white

1 T. extra virgin olive oil

chopped apples, pears, blueberries, strawberries - whatever you have on hand

cheese slices - cheddar, jack, or what have you

blend all ingredients together in a medium size bowl (by hand, don't use a mixer). brush a pancake griddle, skillet, or whatever pan you use for pancake with a little olive oil. pour batter onto griddle - each pancake is a scant 1/4 of batter. as soon as you pour the batter out, sprinkle your fruit onto each pancake. flip when ready. now get ready, here's the secret - between each two pancake stack, insert a hearty slice of cheese. sharp or regular cheddar works best, don't use american cheese - yuk! one serving equals two pancakes with your cheese tucked between the two. top cakes off with BONAFIDE maple syrup (life's too short to eat the fake stuff, i don't care how nice mrs. butterworth is)

healthy heart version (which i made yesterday) to recipe add 1/4 cup quick oats and 2 T oat bran. spill a little more milk into the recipe - about 1/4 cup. what a boost and SOOO good for your heart.

note - you can top your cakes with the cheese slice right after you've flipped the cakes. these little gems go really well with the chicken/apple/maple breakfast links that whole foods sells in their fresh meat department. YUM!! i've typed this out so fast this morning, so if i haven't made things clear to you please post your questions and i'll answer them. or call me at the library:) speaking of the library, i've gotta get my butt in gear! time to get ready for my day...whip up today's breakfasts and lunches (i've had brown rice cooking away as i write - i love adding a half cup to my salad, a big nutrition punch), kiss the huz out the door, head out for my walk in the woods, then home to get ready for work.

wishing you a wondrous wednesday

and happy stacks of pancakes...

-t

"a casa in natura..."

2009-11-10T07:44:00.000-08:00

most mornings these past few weeks (say 6 out of 7)

i've been skipping the gym and hitting the trails

of the forest preserve that's right in my back yard.

for me it's church, sanctuary,

connection with He who is far larger than me.

this morning i parked the car, grabbed my camera,

took a deep breath and felt a smile warm up my face.

in the field off to the right of the path, an enormous

gaggle of geese were hanging out, snacking on felled

soybeans left by the recent swoosh of a thresher.

i put on my long lost ten year old self and like a crazy
person ran through the field chasing up the geese.
boy did they give me a telling off, honking in shouts
for me to get off their turf.
they honked, i laughed, and i like to think
that we all had a spot of fun together
on the dawn of this blessed blue grey autumn day.

i never worry about walking on my own
because i know that wherever i go, i'm not alone.

the wind rustling through the now bare trees,
dried grasses and rushes plays a symphony
for me of movement, music, sight, sound.

here i find peace, prayer, creativity.
i hear my voice and the voice of my maker.
this is my heaven right here on earth where
i'm humbled, blessed, listened to and loved.
ever changing, always alive,
just waiting for me to step on the path.

in gratitude and love,
-t.

p.s. coming tomorrow (and i promise) my recipe for the best pancakes on the planet
which i enjoyed following my walk in wonder this morning. happy day to you today:)

"she is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain..."

2009-10-28T05:38:00.000-07:00

i'm babying my gym-sore muscles and keeping to my kitchen on this fog-blind rainy morning. it's my favorite sort of stay at home day - a rainy, grey, tuck yourself inside sort of day. i'm only home for the morning though. i'll be working a noon to niner because tonight i have book club. my favorite, no contest FAVORITE part of my job at the library. and this morning, in addition to finishing up the book we'll be discussing tonight - Shutter Island by Dennis LaHane (must use caps properly when referring to books and authors) - i'm working on our 2010 reading lists. i've got my titles narrowed down. rounding the bend to having it all wrapped up.

selecting titles for my two reading clubs is a task i'm uber serious about, hashing, rehashing, erasing, adding, scribbling notes on genre, place, characters, timing. and although so much work goes into it, this is a honest labor of love. crazy love. i'm certifiably nuts over books. always have been. the day i learned to read is pretty much paramount (to me, a bibiophile) to the day i took my first breath. i find life in books. stories. call me a bonafide book geek, cuz they're my number one hobby.

so as i finish up this process of honoring my "book club endorsement" to 22 titles that my 2 books clubs will pour through in the upcoming year, i do so with a big smile. a strong feeling of contentment and gratitude. for this grey morning (which if i were a better writer, i'd have a really cool metaphorical description of). my lists (something else i'm passionate about as a fervent reader - reading lists - and mine are the BEST in my humble opinion). a candle burning. a big fat mug of hot coffee. the cat lying next to me. and the thought of all those months ahead...sharing the joy of the story and of all the places we'll go together, my book club friends and i, on the wings of a book.

love from my kitchen on a tuesday morning,

-t,

"read, read, read."

william faulkner

tuesday, october 27th...

2009-10-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

i've been so frustrated with myself lately regarding my writing. through the course of a day there are so many things that inspire me to write, but for some reason those thoughts have a tough time making their way from my brain to the keyboard. i get all inspired, log on to blogger, start writing and then just sit and...well, just sit. not much more.

but today is different. i want to get this down quick, it's early in the morning. busy time for me, and for most everyone else too. getting the healthy lunch packed, cats fed, pouring coffee down my throat, getting my butt to the gym before the work day (sure fire stress buster-i'm back in the zone after a long hiatus). but today i wanted to make sure to get this one story down. this one thought.

yesterday while going through my morning paces (mentioned above) my brain was doing it's best to try to talk me out of going to the gym. i'm so glad i didn't listen. got to the gym, stowed away my bag, plugged into my ipod and got busy on the treadmill. as i was warming up i noticed larry, an old fella who's at the gym most every morning. health wise, larry's had some pretty close calls over the past couple of years. he keeps up with his exercise though. he and his wife. when i don't see him there for more than a few days in a row i get concerned that everything's okay with him.

this summer though, i haven't seen larry much. i've opted for outdoor exercise in the morning...walks in the woods, riding my bike, running, so i've been kind of scarce at the y. i'm back on track though and as usual, as i was climbing up on the treadmill yesterday i noticed larry, and of course i gave a wave and a smile. i didn't think too much of our exchange after that, just huffed and puffed my way through the first course of my workout. after 20 minutes i switched machines, again doing my best to talk myself through a few miles of running (without the benefit of a sunrise, the smell of the woods, the beauty all around me).

it was beauty of a different nature that took me by surprise as i made my way into mile two. as i saw larry approaching i disengaged my earplugs for a quick "hi larry, how're you today? it's good to see you!" this was his response back to me..."terri, i want you to know how much it means to me when you say hello to me every morning. it really makes my day. your bright smile, your energy...well, it really makes a difference to me in the morning. your friendliness and positive outlook really mean a lot to me and i wanted you to know that."

i'm not trying to engage my audience in loud applause, not writing this to give myself a hearty pat on the back. i will say though that i am a pretty positive person. almost annoyingly so. the reason i share this story is because i think it's important to remind ourselves of the affect we have on others without paying notice. it's funny how we don't even realize how a kind, heartfelt "hi, how are you" can be a real difference maker in someone's life, how our attitude - positive or otherwise might affect another. and furthermore, how infinitely important it is to pay mind to the fact that "an old fella at the gym" isn't just an old fella, but another heart, another soul to connect to if only with a simple smile and hello.

today is particularly significant with respect to what i'm speaking of. there was another instance, another person who touched my life in just such a way. a library patron with an enormous heart, a beautiful spirit, who really made a difference in my day whenever i saw her at the library. she always took the time to say hello, how are you doing my dear, how's your dad, your family, how's that grandson doing? through these casual exchanges we became friends - an unlikely friendship, her being in her seventies and me on the fun side of forty. in the course of our friendship, "my miss nancy bebarski" helped me through a very difficult time in my life.

my miss nancy moved away a couple of years ago. before she left we met for breakfast. one last time enjoying the company of one another. it was so hard to say goodbye that morning. actually, i don't think we even said it. we just hugged. a long hug. as i walked to my car i felt the tears come on, and before i drove off i sat and had a good cry. i think she did too. her car didn't leave the parking lot any quicker than mine did. we both knew that would be the last time we'd see each other.

my miss nancy bebarski is an angel in heaven now. i'll be attending her visitation later today, seeing her for the final time and wishing so much that i could hear her voice again, but feeling so blessed that i can still hear it in my mind. and i'll say to her, miss nancy? i just want you to know how much it meant to me to see you in the library. you always made my day. your beautiful smile. your gentle, caring way. your confidence in me. you really meant a lot to me, and i just wanted you to know that.

a lady. at my library. a relationship that began with a casual greeting but developing into so much more. you never know the impact your presence can make in the life of someone else. thank you larry. thanks miss nancy. you've "made" so many of my days.

luv,

-t.

turning corners, changing directions...

2009-10-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

isn't this pic the coolest? i love it. it was taken on lake pepin in stockholm wisconsin on a recent visit. huz and i visited the most beautiful place i think i've ever seen. honestly, we both agreed that maui had nothing on this little hidden gem of a hamlet up in the mississippi river just a breath south of minnesota. we hit the road to escape the stress of a most uncertain reality, both in our personal, and also our professional lives. we needed to connect. with ourselves. with each other. since our visit, i feel myself coming back to life a bit. huz has a new direction on his life map - a new job, which he is very excited over. me too. we needed this. a new place. new faces. new opportunities and a new point of interest on the map that is our lives. this has been the happiest, scariest, sometimes saddest, most misunderstood summer of our married life. but we made it. us two. and now? we're feeling pretty good together. so excited for each other. huz with his new job (yay god - thanks to his blessings, and of course to good friends for pointing us toward new directions) me with my kick ass library job and my new granola gig. life's pretty good if you just give it a chance, you know?

this summer we've experienced some very trying times. but with a true and honest love, a firm foundation and blessings from above, we're sure to make it through. when i look at my husband, i see the future. and from where i stand, it looks pretty good. like the beach. at sunset. through the eyes of a child. innocence. trusting love. what more is there to life, when it all comes down to it? being there for each other. the way we promised to be, oh so long ago...in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. you know the verse. and it's through the test of time that those words come to mean so much more...the promise of a lifetime.

wifely words of wisdom (and learning and growing each day)

-t.

absent...

2009-10-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

from my life as i knew it. seems like from my own self these days. just not there. somewhere else. wishing i could get back. not knowing which way out from what's keeping me from being "happy, sun-shiney" me. read this here friends, this is no call for sympathy or concern. i'm just weathering times right now that test the will, the strength, the ability to move forward and leave what's done behind me. we've all had times such as this, and i know i've said that before. here. and we all get through eventually, don't we? but despite that, it doesn't make a rough road much smoother, does it?

i've missed writing, but i've been kind of hiding out. keeping away, not sharing words that might give clue to the feelings i just can't express right now. i'm hopeful. always, i'm that. if there's one thing about me, it's that terminal positivity which makes me, well me i guess. it's there, somewhere. but right now i'm just doing. doing my best to recognize and give thanks for the blessings that come with each day. trying to see my way ahead of the uncertainty that lies before me. trying to convince myself that i can trust, believe, "move forward."

i'm writing tonight by request. someone i love very much has missed my words, and for that i'm touched and so grateful. hang in there with me, okay? it's just a time, like others and certainly not the last. trust. move forward. believe. be at peace. just words? or can i finally believe?

as i sit here and listen to the wind blowing change in all directions outside my window, i'm wondering where it will take me. i wish i could just grab onto a windy coat tail. ride away to destinations unknown. where winter is just another sunny day, no bone chilling days forcing me to stay hidden indoors.

a short story - life being stranger than fiction,

-t.

Paying mind to precious time...

2009-09-09T05:20:00.000-07:00

With all that is going on in my life right now, I'm realizing the necessity of minding my time. Prioritizing any given moment. I was saying to my husband this morning that it almost scares me how quickly my little kitchen business is taking off. "Be careful what you wish for, right?" I said to him, and his reply was "that's exactly what I was thinking."

This was as I was pushing yet another batch of banana chocolate chip bread into my oven before dawn. As the banana bread aroma swirled through my house I was busy mixing up a batch of granola. The cool thing about what I'm doing is that it allows me time to think while being creative. My thoughts this morning center on the absolute importance of staying on track, organizing my time properly. An hour sidetracked for me at this point is trouble - be it for one of my book clubs, my kitchen business, or my library job.

One thing I want to be very careful of though, is to make sure that my busy-ness doesn't take me away from what's true in my life - the people that I love. My husband, kids, grandbabies, my parents, and my amazing friends. If it weren't for those people then I wouldn't be who I am. It's with their support and love that I have the gumption to do what I do. And what is it all worth if I become too busy to carve out time to be with those I love?

I remind myself constantly - it doesn't take much, it need not be a big planned out production just to get together with friends and family. Just a quick phone call to say meet me for breakfast, I'm going grocery shopping, what to come with? Let's do lunch - I have an hour. Come for dinner, it won't be anything special but I just want to be with you. That quick phone call quickly manifests into golden minutes, a precious hour or two.

I want to be so careful about this - taking time with the beautiful people I'm blessed with in life. An impromptu dinner with my folks, re-working my Friday schedule so that I can grab a precious half hour with my grandson and get him on the bus, taking an hour lunch and staying a half hour later in the work day so that I can squeeze in lunch with a friend...I don't want to lose sight of how essential these moments are. And I don't want for a second for take for granted that people will just always be there, that there will be "enough time later for that." My friend Mary taught me well there.

Call a friend and say "I love you." A cherished friend did just that last night, those words meant so much. The next time a request for your time is made, eek out a spot. I was talking with yet another friend at work yesterday about the richness of life right now, in this moment. How happy we are with the simple, yet abundant lives we're leading, despite challenges we're both dealing with. And I said to her, you know Kelly, these are the days, just like the Natalie Merchant song. Because they are. Right now. Today. As long as we have today, what more do we need?

"Kiss your life. Accept it. Just as it is. Today. Now.

So that those moments of happiness you're waiting for

don't pass you by."

love,

-t.

p.s. In mention of the amazing people in my life, Iwant to thank my beautiful sister, my best friend always in my life. Without her i'm just a bump on a log. Thank you Cyndi - I love you.

Lucky me, lucky us...

2009-09-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

I am basking in the warmth of my kitchen, the oven giving off the last of it's heat from one more marathon baking session. The aroma of baking bread remains in the air. I couldn't resist stealing a moment to write before the second round of busy-ness takes over my day.

We're off to do the Richmond Farmers' Market this morning, only this time the fruits of my labor and love go on without me. I have to work "the real job" today - the library. My husband, my wonderful husband, is taking my place today. He has his notes - bread made from organic multi grain flour, granola sweetened with honey and fruit juice, all of that. Last night he created and printed labels for my products. This morning as the last loaves were coming out of the oven he was busy tallying up my inventory for today's market. Then, with a packed truck, the camera, a banana, a granola bar and a mug of coffee in tow, he was on his way.

My sister Cyndi (the best sister a gal could ever hope for) will meet Don up at the market. Together they'll wrap breads, arrange my granolas, set up my booth and sell the beautiful fruits of my labor. With my hands, with my heart, I put my love into what I do. And for my husband, my sister, to help me out in such a big way...well, how does one say thank you enough? Just knowing how they believe in me, in what I'm doing, the support they're giving me - there are no words to express my feelings of gratitude.

As my husband was leaving I gave him a hug and a kiss and thanked him for doing this for me. He replied by saying "Thank YOU for doing this!" And as he was backing out of the driving he added, "This is about us." What a huge statement. What a giving man. I wish I could be a mouse in his pocket today - to watch as he and my sister work together on my "wish and a dream."

My husband and I have had quite a summer together - with his unemployment we've spent more time together than ever before in our almost 32 year marriage. It's almost as if we've been reintroduced to each other after all of this time raising kids, taking care of a home, working. And each day we grow closer together, happier each day. This is the definition of a "good marriage." Over coming obstacles, weathering storms, loving without fail (especially when your at your worst), supporting and believing in each other.

I can't believe Don's doing this for me today (for us, actually). This is something that's completely out of his comfort zone. But then again, he's learned lots about himself through all of this, and has challenged himself in new ways. I think he's learned a lot about me too. He knows as I do that when the two of us work together amazing things happen (our family is proof of that!). And we both know that no matter what, we have each other. That's all we've ever needed. That's all it takes...

much love to beautiful sister and "hollywood handsome" huz...

-t.

Photo is from a date Don and I went on over the summer.

Out on Lake Michigan on a "full moon" lit night.

One more happy memory in a lifetime full of blessings.

2009-09-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

This morning I write with a heart full of the bittersweet. I'm sitting in the sun feeling the gentle rocking of the boat. Every few moments my skin is tickled with cool droplets of water; the spray off the fishing line as my husband makes his casts onto the water. And the sun, warm, but with a cool and comforting breeze blowing by, sending me into a delirious peaceful calm on this gorgeous Friday morning.

This is the blessing. Being here, right now in this moment with my handsome husband. Hearing the birds sing-songing, the crickets buzzing, the bubbly sort of sounds of the water as it laps at the sides of our boat. My heart is overwhelmed by the honest and true blessing of this very moment. This day, which Don and I have promised to spend together. And knowing that in our lives, at any given moment, the tides can swiftly turn.

Such is the case with a family we know well of. A woman, a wondrous soul, who just a few short months ago appeared to us happy, healthy, and involved up to her ears in the life of her family. Constantly giving of herself, of her time, her resources, Mary appeared to me tireless in her efforts to be the ultimate mother, wife, whatever the situation called upon for her to be.

Mary was Team Mom for my son Nick's college lacrosse team. Her accomplishments went far beyond what I could imagine doing: coordinating team dinners, cook outs, team apparel sales,
hosting the entire team and coaching staff for meals, making sure that the boys had snack bags, restaurant meals and all creature comforts as they traveled over seven states competing in their inaugural NCAA lacrosse season. And as if that wasn't enough, she even made sure that our visiting competitors were fed as well!

Mary was the heart and soul of the team - a true Team Mom in every sense of the term. In all the years that I held the same title, I know as God's honest that I couldn't have held a candle to Mary's efforts and accomplishments. This wonderful little blue eyed, strawberry blonde lady was a giving, loving, one-woman power house.

In an email sent from her son to our son Nick, we learned in late July that Mary had been diagnosed with stage IV colon and liver cancer. I last saw her at the celebratory team dinner in May. She was the highest (and to be truthful, only) bidder for a necklace and earring set which I had made and donated to the silent auction fundraiser for the team. She seemed thrilled to have "won" my humble creations - "they're just my color!" she happily exclaimed. She put the necklace on at once and wore it throughout the afternoon.

Seeing her that day. Thanking her for all of her hard work. Leaving her with the words "...call me if you need help Mary. With anything. We'll be there." I would have never for an instant thought that would be the last time we would ever speak with her.

Yesterday we received word that Mary had passed away. We were stunned. Still are. And as I sit writing we are only just now receiving word of the arrangements being made to honor and remember Mary. The wake will be this evening. We'll be there, along with our son, to remember and celebrate this marvelous life - a life of love and giving, and to offer our condolences to her family. A husband. Two sons. A daughter. Seven weeks. From diagnosis to the end. Gone.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I'm a girl of simple pleasures. One who sees the blessing of a hazy moonlit night (last night. I just had to get up and watch out the window.) The blessing of the wind dancing my tangly hair into knots. Realizing the blessing of looking into the eyes of the people I meet, and reaching even further to see into their heart. For Mary, I don't want to waste a moment, miss a blessing, pass up a chance to drink in the simple abundance of a day. Feeling the breeze. The warmth of the sun. The sound of the water. Having the man I love a short and simple arm's reach away. This is true wealth. Being here. Living, loving, and giving.

God must have had a pretty important job up in the realm of His Heavens to have needed to call such a special angel. God bless you Mary. And thank you for all you have done.

Today. Don't wast a second on ill feelings, regrets, anger, hate, disappointment. Reach out. Love that husband. Kiss your kids. Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself some love. You have today. Don't let a minute of it pass you by without being grateful.
For. Just. This.

grateful for this present moment...

-t.

Later...wrote this post earlier today, but wanted to record it here just as it was written this morning. It's after dinner. Don cooked up his "nothing else can compare" fish fry for Nick and I on this, Nick's last night at home before he returns to school. Words cannot express how good it was to just come home and be together after attending Mary's wake. The visitation was held at a HUGE Catholic Church in Northbrook. The line of those waiting to pay their respects to Mary and her family formed to the back of the church and out the door - more than a hundred at least waiting their turn. It was early, there were still hundreds I'm sure yet to attend. The picture that stands out foremost in my mind is of her husband, now standing alone without his bride by his side. Another, that of her college age son, sitting in the pew, surrounded by his friends, his girlfriend at his side, her hand tightly entwined with his own. I look at my men tonight, my husband, my son. I listen to their voices, their shared conversations. And I am thanking my God that I am here with them, tonight. Not taking a minute of this blessing for granted.

meet me at the bongo room...

2009-08-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

the rainy nighttime breeze blows through my kitchen window

meeting up with the scents of banana, chocolate, cinnamon

tantalizing my senses this end of summer night.

tomorrow is a big day for me.

i'm meeting with a marketing rep

from till creative in the city

to share my dreams.

i don't yet know quite how to describe them

but i can say they involve my kitchen.

my love of cooking, being creative.

my love of entertaining, cooking for people.

my passion for healthy, life sustaining foods.

this is the first item on my list:

1. turn my passion for food and cooking

into something more.

i'm not so sure right now what that something more is.

i had a spot up at the richmond farmers' market last

weekend and fared far better than i had dreamed i would.

i am inspired.

i'm so excited, and nervous at the same time.

i can't wait to sit down with jessica tomorrow

and spill my dreams out to her.

i'll be up in richmond again this weekend. can't wait.

and from now til then i'll be busy in my kitchen.

my absolutely favorite place to be:)

living my life one measuring cup at a time...

-t.

title? that's where we'll be meeting, jessie and i.

at the bongo room in bucktown.

home of pancakes so good they make you want to cry.

i'm having the lemon ricotta - i can taste them already!

to market, to market...

2009-08-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

am into hour six of making granola

labels have been designed

packages filled

chocolate, banana, apples, pecans,

walnuts, almonds, blueberries

cinnamon, it's spicy, irresistible scent,

wafting through my kitchen

windows open to an august night

that whispers october

on the boob-tube in my kitchen

kevin bacon dances to footloose

in the oven goes the last batch of granola

for the night...

while a dozen loaves of zucchini bread

wait their for a spot inside my overworked oven

cats snuggled up in a chair in a corner

of the kitchen

tomorrow i take the first steps

toward a number on my list

farmers' market in richmond

and after that, tyler's birthday party

and of course, as tradition rules,

the birthday cake which is my creation

transformers optimus prime

the flat-bed super hero of my little

grandson's heart

timer's ringing

time to stir a batch

of blueberry pecan crumble granola

my own creation

my own dream...

luv.

-t.

thanks cyndi for participating in "grocery gauntlet"

thanks girls for last night...

julie & julia, dinner at d&j bistro, a waltz through

williams sonoma,

snapshots of a simply perfect evening:)

thanks hubby for disappearing for the weekend

so that i could just be me:)

monday night football, a good book and a grilled cheese sandwich...

2009-08-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

geez, i'm pooped tonight. after a LONG day at work going through selection journals (tough job selecting my favorite thing in the world - books, but hey, someone has to do it) D and i took a drive around looking at houses. actually looked at one on bangs lake. big time fizzer upper. went home, assessed blessing we have in house we already have. discussed refinishing the basement. sounded like too much work to me:) then i made grilled cheese, we opened a bottle of two buck chuck red and i've been sunk in my teen read (leaving paradise by simone elkeles) ever since. so, guess i'm saying good night. hope you had a good start to your week. i know i did. now i'm headed off to "smells like teen spirit" teen read. am loving it. i'm working on booking the author for an appearance at our local high school during teen read week in october. can't wait. looking for something good to read? take a step back in time and read for yourself. i bet you'll like it as much as i do. leaving paradise is a VERY good story.

thank god for monday night football. D is busy, engrossed in the game. i'm sneaking off to bed with my book tucked under my arm. happy monday sweeties...how many more hours 'til friday??

luv,

-t.

Notes from a REALLY hot kitchen...

2009-08-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, promises, promises. Or did I say "I promise?" My list is in my head. And I've worked this weekend on some of the projects that will go on my list. Hint...I'm up to my neck in granola. Batches are cooling on the counter (cranberry vanilla almond). Batches are in the oven with more lined up on the counter waiting for their opportunity to add to the ungodly temperature in my kitchen right now (blueberry pecan crisp). I've worked hours on my friend K's diet and meal plans...don't want to give any more away. Just wanted to touch base and say "I'm working on it."

How are your plans coming along? Are you making a list? Did you have a good weekend? I know I sure did. More to come...my list is in the making. I promise, really, truly promise, to have it done this week. This is serious stuff though, right? I mean I don't' want to just go and put something "out there" without honestly meaning it.

Enjoying the last remaining hours of the weekend...

-t.

sorry...

2009-08-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

list is "in process."

meant to post it today but am

enjoying a glorious saturday at home with huz.

errands this morning.

fussing around the house all afternoon.

margaritas, quac and chips, cooking out

this evening.

enjoying being with my guy

and the beauty of a perfect

summer day.

air conditioning is NOT on.

am loving the breeze, the buzzing sounds

of cicadas singing songs of summer love.

happy saturday loves...

-t.

will post list tomorrow, i think :)

someone i think you should meet...

2009-08-14T09:14:00.000-07:00

"there's a moment, like tonight,

a profound and transcendent experience,

the feeling as if a door has opened,

and it's all because of that music,

that magic, incredible music..."

a perfect description of my thursday night.

last night at the library i hosted the final concert

in my summer concert series.

and for a finale', my patrons and i

were treated to a magical performance

by my very, very favorite musicians,

julie and bruce hecksel - patchouli.

their music transcends description,

mere words by this linguistically challenged writer

cannot express the perfection in their performing.

i cannot do them justice by simply saying

magnificent, wonderful, captivating, entertaining.

those words just aren't enough.

i can only describe the music of patchouli in feeling.

the feeling of my heart when it grabs onto

the melody, the soul, the energy

that comes from the listening.

it touches my heart. speaks to my soul,

takes me to a place of happiness and peace,

stirring my emotions such that it brings me to tears.

their music is a gift they share freely

and with so much love.

this music is simple. simply perfect.

julie's voice so smooth and rich.

bruce's guitar playing simply masterful.

i don't think i'll ever hear another guitarist

to compare with bruce. he's simply incredible.

and ifrom the comments i received

following the concert at my library last night,

i know there are many who feel the same as i do.

do yourself a big favor this weekend, the last of a few

in our glorious midwest summer.

visit long grove this sunday - it's arts fest weekend there.

patchouli is playing from 12:30 to 2:30.

sit down. treat yourself to a listen.

and i'll bet you'll discover a new favorite group.

patchouli.

i promise you'll be glad you went.

and when you do, tell them hello

from terri at wauconda library.

happy weekend!

-t.

if you can't make it to long grove,

pay bruce and julie a visit at

http://www.patchouli.net/

but as my daughter lindsey said,

"listening to them on cd is one thing,

but it's when you see them perform

that you truly understand just how

awesome they are."

coming tomorrow..."the list"

get yours ready!

boy, do i have my work cut out for me tonight:)

tea tag wisdom wednesday...

2009-08-12T04:42:00.000-07:00

When ego is lost, limit is lost.

Recognize that you are the truth.

Mighty powerful statements found on my Yogi tea tags.

And it's funny how these little messages seem to

pop up at just the right time in my life.

When I most need to hear them.

Most days I find it easy to be upbeat, positive.

Its just my nature. Its who I am.

But other days are like a dark room with no sun.

Like today.

We all have days like this, and can take comfort in knowing

that they can change like a switch in the wind.

By listening to peaceful music.

(gregorian chant is pouring out of my radio as i write)

By connecting with nature, moving the body.

(i'm headed out to the forest preserve as soon as i'm finished here.)

By diving into life and focusing on the positive.

(busy day ahead of me. fun projects. purpose. good people.)

By finding a creative outlet.

(here. writing. sharing. connecting.)

I'm not going to let a blue mood rob me of a potentially joyful day.

I feel much better already:)

-t.

photos - the gorgeous sky, taken while on vacation in july

ahead...getting my list ready. will post that list on saturday morning.

apology...blogger and i have spacing issues.

August weekend...

2009-08-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

The past three days in my life have been all about people.

The people that fill my life.

Celebrating professional success with the people

I'm incredibly fortunate to work with.

My writing group...seeing inside ourselves

and finding something new within,

something we'd never imagined we possessed -

the ability, the urge, a fresh voice.

Finding words we never new we had.

My son, his friends, who are like sons to me.

And I am so loving this time with him, what little I seem

to have had, during his break from school this summer.

Unlike his college buddies, he's been the lucky one this summer.

He has a job. And this couldn't mean more under our present circumstances.

Summer days are winding down, and before I know it

I'll be hugging him goodbye as he heads back to school.

A junior in college. Goodness, how time flies.

I've always said, time flies when you have kids. True, no?

Sunday began with a walk through the woods with my husband.

Talking, walking, sharing a classic summer morning.

Hazy sunshine making its way through the tree tops.

Spotting deer around every corner - mamas and babies.

It was honestly the coolest.

And spending the afternoon with my parents, my sister.

Just sitting around the kitchen table,

enjoying a few hours of over the table chit chat, precious time.

I'm so glad for that time well spent.

Stopping by a good farm stand

on the way home from my parents' place.

Drinking in the view, music dancing through my mind...

pieces found on the soundtrack from the movie The Hours

playing on my favorite radio station.

(wfmt.fm - classical. the music of my heart.)

I was really caught up in the moment,

thinking about how lucky I am,

how grateful I am to be living my life, a true blessing.

As I came into the house carrying my "fresh from the fields" treasures,

my husband informed me that

we'd be heading over to our daughter's house

for an impromptu Sunday dinner with our kids.

I thought, what a perfect way to end a perfect weekend.

The proverbial icing on the cake.

A weekend spent in communion...

with those that I love.

In nature.
I really mean it when I say that this is all I need.

This life. These people.

Nothing more.

Just that.

And that's the way I began my day today.

In nature, on the forest preserve path with my husband.

Talking it all out as we walked in what feels these days

like the Garden of Eden.

And feeling so much gratitude, that it made me cry.

-t.

photos - on the way home from the farm stand I just had to head back

to the forest preserve to capture these glorious dancing beauties.

Perhaps it's just me, but aren't the Queen Anne's Lace

especially pretty this year?

I think they're my favorite summer flower:)

And one more thing...I was having lots of trouble

aligning and spacing my text in blogger today.

I hope it didn't detract from the writing!

grrrr....

thoughts running wild...

2009-08-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is going to be a rant, so reader - consider yourself warned. And I'm certainly not following any sort of rules on proper paragraph alignment, grammar, whatever. This is a no holds barred thoughts spilling out onto the page post. So here goes...

Since beginning this blog I've searched for some sort of direction, or meaning, for doing what I do here. I've shared a little of my life, what I love, who I love, what I love to do, all of that. But something's been picking at me, a little voice in my head telling me to use this space for a purpose. To share, to grow, to cry out and let others cry out with me. To inspire, to teach, to share the journey with all of you who read along with me. And trust me, I know there's no cast of thousands here, just a few loyal friends and readers who peak in on my life on a regular basis (and boy, do I feel honored that you do. Truly.)

But that being said, I feel I must share with you the task, the idea, the revelation of what has been given to me. On my early morning forest preserve runs, while I'm pedaling my bike as the sun comes up. As I lie awake at night solving the problems of the world, praying for order, answers, peace. And today, again, running in the forest preserve, a voice saying "Do this. Now. Go home, kick the huz off the computer and write." Today being a notable day, as this is the day that I was supposed to be setting off on my wild west canoe camping free to be me trip which I cancelled for a host of reasons, and wisely so as the huz has been out of work for going on 3 months now. Wise money choice. But that decision remains a bit of a sore spot with me.

I was thinking today about how I've been running around the same mile loop at the forest preserve for the past 5 five years. Around and around, mile after mile. Staying on the same track. And I thought about how that applies to my life as well. Same track, mile after mile, going over the same things I want to change in my life, or make better. And I thought about how we're all pretty much on the same track as far as that goes. We all have those issues in our life - things we know we need to do, or want to do, that would make us healthier, happier, give us personal pride - be it in writing, decorating, painting a picture, getting our body in healthy shape - feeling our absolute best - whatever it is that nags the back of our minds, screaming at us for attention.

Why is it that we put our heart's desire aside, continually, being too busy, not staying the course, not taking action, not allowing ourselves to be important enough? I'm afraid of getting to the end of my life and having a long list of things that I wished I'd done. Actions I wished I'd taken. Places I should have gone. People who I allowed to hurt me that I never stood up to. I know you feel the same way. Deep down we all do.

So here's my plan. In 226 days I will be 50 years old. Whoa. That sounds scary. But its also very exciting. A whole new decade of my life. And when I get there I don't want to be making excuses any more. I want to spend the next 226 days gearing up to celebrate. With you. Us together. I have my list of "Ter Improvements," my goals for myself. Things I want to accomplish and celebrate. If you're in with me, you make a list too. We'll check in with each other, cheer each other on - celebrate the journey of becoming the women our spirit calls us to be. And next March - on the day of the spring equinox (synchronicity or what -rebirth, new life) we'll celebrate our successes together.

I'm going to count the days off in my planner. Number them one by one. Somedays will be easy, others not so much. But I'll be here for you, and you can be here for me. We'll do it together. Make your list. Light a candle for yourself and say a prayer. Most of you see me throughout the month. Let me know if you're in. I'll be your cheerleader. Let's get healthy, clean out our mental closets. Plan a dream. Make it happen. And we'll celebrate together. I'm hoping it'll be a huge party for all of us.

For my part, I'll do my best to inspire both of us. You and me. I'll share my dreams with you, and if you're comfortable in doing so, you can share your dreams with me. I've actually begun the process of taking one of my dreams to the planning table. I'll share more about that with you in the next couple of days. And I hope you'll be inspired to do the same, and in the process inspire me as well.

In closing, because this is such a LONG post (and God bless you for sticking with me here) I just want to encourage you to believe in yourself. Believe in the power of what you can do when you put your mind to it. And believe in what we can do, in the company of friends, together.

In all honestly, just putting this down in words was really scary. But I'm glad I did. There, that's one thing checked off my list:)

growing day by day,
-t.

photo - a narrow walkway between two gorgeous homes in wicker park.

i snapped this photo last saturday on a wonderful visit to bucktown and wicker park.

somehow i just thought it fit my topic.

open the gate.

step into the narrows.

abundance lies in wait on the other side of the fence.

friends are like windows...

2009-08-04T03:51:00.000-07:00

through which you see

out into the world

and back into yourself.

last night i was blessed by being in the company

of three of my very favorite friends.

friends who make me laugh.

friends i've cried along with.

friends who have been there for me,

as i have been for them

and always will be.

friends which i've been missing

as it's been far too long since we've last met.

no matter the time, the odd directions our lives take

when one of us calls, we answer with love.

we're friends for sure, bonafide.

life will push and then it will pull

kidsparentsjobsresponsibilityspouses

demand.

but when it comes right down to it

we'll all clear a spot on our calendars

to share an evening, an afternoon,

a movie, a shopping trip

making time for each other...

friends, us four,

close as ever

and lucky, so lucky

to have found each other.

roberta, kim, irene -

thank you for a perfect summer evening.

thank you for being my friend.

love,

-t.

two magical hours swept away...

2009-07-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

i made an agreement with myself earlier in the week

to keep a date with ME...an artist's date.

so for two hours last friday i set out around town,

with camera in tow, to see what i could see.
i peeked in the windows, then went inside

"...i have my camera, i'd like to take pictures, do you mind?"

the friendly shop owners only too welcoming replied,

"take your time, have fun, and if we can be of help just ask."

from there i slipped into another life

a photographer's life, an artist's life

while my eyes excavated treasures i'd never imagined

crystals casting rainbows inside my imagination

shapes, form, texture
mixed elements giving way to the softness
of the feminine form

i wasn't only seeing, but feeling, hearing

the gentle spirit of another time

where a woman is a lady,

and a man a handsome knight in shining armor

my head swirled in the beauty

shining dance floors lit with crystal magic

and i imagined grand couples spinning in waltzes

as i heard long ago music playing

i heard the wisdom of the ages

in a voice whispered by a funny little china man

transfixed by his stare

he became my model, standing ever so still

allowing me and my camera the pleasure of his company

and in a turn i was stopped still by a look of innocence

who is this child? where did she come from?

is she yours, is she mine?

i glanced down at my everyday summer skirt

and wished, oh how i wished

that i could dress in such beauty each day

wondering how it really was in another time

a time when a woman was allowed her femininity

and a man wasn't completely dressed without a tie and a hat

soft color, muted tones, the bliss i was in

who needs new things

when such treasures can be found

i made a promise to shop resale, antique, flea markets

to fill the empty corners in my home

if one listens closely the objects have stories to share

sitting pretty on the dressing table

of a lady oh so fair

dances, parties, midnight interludes

who knows what shadows of long ago tales remain

sitting silently waiting for me only to put my ear to

and just listen

i got down on my knees

looking at pictures like i did as a child

i crawled right inside the scenery

and pretended i was there

and for a time i was, for those two hours i spent

two hours set aside to open my eyes, my mind

to something quiet deep inside me

my creativity, my artist's heart

right there all the time waiting for me

i took such peace in reminding myself

that when i seek, i will find.

this week, go searching yourself

i bet you'll be thrilled with what you discover!

-t.

are we having fun yet...

2009-07-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

well, are we?

are you genuinely having a good time

just living your life?

can you admit to yourself

"...life, mine, is just plain fun?"

can you say with honesty

that you're truly, simply, happy?

i was thinking about this, being happy, having fun

on my way to work this morning.

i was experiencing the joy i get out of just gazing around

the crazy, wonderful, down home town

i live in, work in, play in.

people dropping their dogs off at the doggie salon

folks sitting outside the local coffee shop

soaking up a precious summer morning

our local barber sweeping yesterday's dust off his front step

runners, bikers, moms pushing strollers - happy babies tucked inside

coaches whistles blowing,

waking the boys from summer slumber,

preparing them for another grueling year

of competition on our high school football stadium

seeing the boys on the practice field, lining up, running drills

...and for a moment slipping back myself to days when it was my boy

who'd grumble his way to those early summer practices

while, little did he know, it was then, those times,

that taught him lessons he'd be using for the rest of his life.

and i thought to myself, for me this is it.

just this. i'm having fun. doing nothing more than just living my life.

i don't need fancy restaurants or jet planes flying me here or there

(though i admit i'm grateful when those infrequent opportunities arise)

i don't need an expensive wardrobe

my home is just that, a home, filled with bumped up, banged up furniture

pictures of purple monkeys, rainbows, quotations that move me

covering my monstrous frigidaire (bought second hand, of course)

and i have fun, bona fide, true, honest fun

just living my life...

asking for nothing more.

how about you,

are you in need of a "fun check?"

if you're lacking, do something about it

now, don't wait.

the clock is ticking, life in all it's glorious simplicity

is too rich to miss.

with a smile and a wish for a happy weekend...

-t.

this afternoon i'm looking forward to the fun i'll have on my very first

personal artist's date. just me and my camera and a two hour trip

through the antique shops in my town.

two places i've longed to visit but never taken the time.

i can't wait:)

and isn't the photo the coolest? it's a vintage postcard photo of my town,

main street, wauconda from the u.s. war archives. see? fun!

the virtue of discipline...

2009-07-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

1. DISCIPLINES OF LIFESTYLE

establish a life of simplicity

do what you can to reduce meaningless activity

2. DISCIPLINES OF THE WHOLE PERSON

once steps toward a simpler life are taken,

we can live a life of joy when focusing on what

we feed our mind, how we exercise,

and how we rest our mind, body and spirit

3. DISCIPLINES OF LABOR

people who greatly enjoy life tend to be those

who are involved in the disciplines of service

and meaningful work balanced with fun

-lindsey o'connor-

from "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"

read it over, read it again, and then over again

simplicity...

it sounds so simple, doesn't it?

-t.

photos - shining stars captured by my camera on an early morning walk in my garden

2009-07-21T12:17:00.000-07:00

"your intuition is your best friend"

"you are unlimited"

"there is nothing more precious than the self"

"when ego is lost, limit is lost. you become infinite, kind, beautiful."

"travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light..."

these are the little messages that are printed out on the

tabs of my favorite brand of tea - yogi.

i've saved lots of them, pinning them around my office cube

reminding me daily of universal truths

that effect me, and you too

i just opened a box of my new favorite, peppermint

it rests next to my old favorite, super-antioxidant green

little packages of warm tea and soothing wisdom

lying wait in my desk drawer

to savor, to heal,

to give cause for a smile and peaceful thoughts.

if you're a tea drinker like me, you should try some

even if you don't, i'll bet you'll be glad you did:)

luv,

-t.

2009-07-17T13:13:00.001-07:00

it's a little after three on a friday afternoon

and i'm wishing so bad that it was a little after five.

what a long, very long few weeks i've had.
no complaints really, a vacation, a weekend in the city,

it's just that i need a serious dose of HOME.

i haven't had a do nothing, no plans,

normal weekend at home since the beginning of june.

my home looks unloved.

there's unattended piles of stuff everywhere.

there's windows to look out of,

bringing in the sweet scent of fresh air.

my eyes are longing to escape the tedious view

of the nine to five workspace

and just soak up the homeplace.

i'm on my own and home alone this weekend.

husband is away, son will be working.

and i'm going to be catching up...

dusting off, restocking, re-arranging.

but tonight it'll be just me,

that crazy paperback romance novel i'm into,

a bottle of wine and a dish of cheezits

and the weekend before me giving me time

to reconnect,

settle down and sink in,

rest and reflect

on the healing effects of being home...

ah...that was round about three hours ago.

now i'm here

black and white on the tv, you'd crack up...

tcm is running a ma and pa kettle series.

i'm lovin' it.

the laundry is going, my grocery list is ready

in the morning i'll run fun errands

picking up groceries and all sundry

from my fave here-and-theres'

but right now

the candles are glowing in my home on this

humidcoolcrazywonderfulsummernight...

i have this, right now, this moment

who could ask for more?

happy weekend angel readers...

-t.

photo was taken the last time i hung out at home - peonis...

it's been a while:)

sending positive thoughts...

2009-07-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

your way. and sending them to others as well. since i've become wrapped up in a cocoon of reading which encourages self improvement and self awareness, i've become acutely aware of how i perceive others. i've become more aware of how i see people and more aware of those nasty little snap judgements i/we make about others as we go about our lives. you know the kind, those nasty little thoughts you have about others - does she realize how bad those pants look on her, get out of my way jerk - i have places to go, if this cashier would move just a little bit quicker i'd really appreciate it, do my coworkers HAVE to talk so loud? don't they know i'm trying to concentrate?? - those kind of thoughts. we have a million of them a day. or maybe i do, i shouldn't assume you do too. but we're human. we can't help it. or maybe we can.

i've become more aware of those negative thoughts, about how they destroy, the negative energy they create, how they demean and make me feel like a lesser person. i'm doing something about it. beginning with my early morning trips to the gym, with every person i see i try to connect a positive word or a positive thought. because really, people are amazingly beautiful, incredibly wonderful, perfectly unique. it's so much fun to look at a person and think to myself - beautiful hair, friendly face, gorgeous smile, cute outfit, warm and friendly voice, good friend. what a difference a positive thought makes! and hopefully that extraordinary energy will make a difference for the blessed person on which intentions are sent.

it's a cool practice, and really, a challenge. which leads me to my next thought which is that we should be doing the same for ourselves. for our own inner angel. crush the ego that says we can't accomplish much, that we can't write, can't sing, can't draw, are out of shape, our thoughts don't matter. turn it around on ourselves. you can accomplish the world if you believe in yourself. there's a writer in you waiting to be discovered. you have a voice - speak, sing, laugh out loud. draw yourself a rainbow, paint a picture. you're beautiful, you can be healthy, you can run a mile. what you think, what you say...it matters.

look around you. see the beauty. look in the mirror and see the beauty looking right back at you. look inside yourself and unlock your potential. share kind thoughts - give them away a million times a day. and be kind to yourself. be aware of the beauty and talent that is yours alone.

happy wednesday my friends...

-t.