three days and counting...

spring

the smell of it

the taste of it

the sound of it

velvet whispers tickle my skin

telling me

i'm here

but even so

we'll be playing hide and seek

some days i will wrap myself around you

and other days i'll be hiding in corners

but just the same, i'm here

like a lover

waiting...

for the chance

to warm you with
my

love

happy 3 days before spring

-t.

p.s. today i heard it. when i walked out of work i heard the sounds.

i get excited about the first time i hear them each spring.

the little peepers. waking up. saying hello.

saying we're hear to sing you into summer.

p.s.s. i've been messing around a little bit with a new diet blog.

check it out at www.healthygirl-terri.blogspot.com

it's kind of boring right now - just my crazy food life.

i plan to do much more with it.

it's just a baby blog right now. K has inspired me:)

A short stack of healthy advice...

All morning long I've been working on the coolest project. Last week one of my co-workers took me up on an offer I made to her about her daily bread. Over time we've talked about dieting, exercise, taking good care of ourselves with what we eat - how we move. I've shared with her some pretty dramatic results I've been able to reach by doing just those things - eating consciously and moving my body in the direction of the gym most mornings each week. We commiserate, I try so hard to motivate, she does her best to do better, knowing a significant lifestyle change is in order.

So about this project...my co-worker (let's here-to-fore refer to her as K) asked me if I'd help her out with some tips on healthy meal planning. I suggested to her that if she was willing, I'd take that a BIG step further (if she was up for it) and help her with an all-out eating plan - breakfast through dinner with snacks in between. She agreed and I was thrilled. If I didn't do what I currently do for a weekly paycheck, then I'd LOVE to do this!!

K and I sat down and talked about her eating habits, likes and dislikes, and what she hoped to achieve. K doesn't like to spend too much time in the kitchen, so that was an added challenge. (You see, I hang out in my kitchen. It's where I de-stress - I love to cook.) I gathered my notes and promised to put together a diet and exercise action plan for her. I've spent the better part of this morning doing just that. I can't wait to meet with K tomorrow to go over the plan. I know she's excited too. She said to me, "there has never been a time that I have more open to change, to try something new, then right now." I've done my best to give variety, flavor, color and fun to her eating plan, and I'm convinced, I just KNOW, that she'll be feeling so good by feeding her body well. I'm so damn excited.

And as I said, if I could do this for a living too, then I certainly would. I believe in the power of eating well. I know it works on so many levels. I've shared with you in the past my blood pressure, cholesterol, heart crap blockage issues. Last fall my cardiologist gave me 6 months to reduce my total cholesterol levels with the promise that if what I did failed, I'd be on Lipitor for sure. I did my homework reading most everything I could and came up with a plan for my self. And it worked. My recent results are astounding - my total cholesterol level dropped 33 points in 6 months. With food. And exercise. My triglyceride level is 26 - that of a healthy 12 year old girl. Please understand, you don't have to be over 40 to have high numbers. My sister-in-law had a total cholesterol level of 359 (yikes - call the cardiologist!!) at the age of 30.

Bottom line is, the time is now to take good care of yourself. That means taking an interest in what's going on INSIDE your body. Set aside your obsession over whether or not your jeans make your butt look big - focus on what's going on with your heart. Skinny jeans won't keep you alive for the long haul, but a healthy heart sure will.

As if this post isn't long enough already, I wanted to include my recipe for the best doggone pancakes you'll ever eat. It's my own recipe - nutrition packed, loaded with protein and just plain goodforyou! Make a stack - enjoy a few for breakfast, one or two as an afternoon snack (instead of a candy bar from the vending machine) or with tea before turning in for the night. MMMmmm good!

Have a happy, healthy, take-good-care-of-you kind of week!

-t

p.s...once I figure out the technological bugaboos, I'll post K's goodforyou plan. 10 days worth of healthy eating guaranteed to bring out the best in you! oh, and the pic? my pancakes and K's map to well being.

Terri's Healthy Girl Pancakes

1 cup whole wheat flour

1/4 cup flax seed meal (go buy some, keep it in the fridge)

1/4 cup oat bran (go buy that too)

1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

3/4 tsp. cinnamon (lowers blood pressure)

1 1/4 cups soy milk (plain or vanilla)

1/4 cup pure maple syrup (throw out the log cabin)

1 whole egg

blueberries, strawberries, bananas - whatever you like

cooking spray

Blend the flour, flax seed meal, oat bran, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in a medium sized bowl. Whisk together soy mild, maple syrup and egg in a separate bowl. Add wet ingredients to the dry ones and stir briefly until mixed. Spray griddle or flat fry pan with cooking spray and heat the pan to medium high. Pour out pancakes in 1/4 cup measures sprinkle with fresh blueberries, strawberries, or fruit of your choice if desired.

Cook for about 3-4 minutes on each side or until golden brown.

This recipe makes about 12 nice sized pancakes. I love to eat them with a tiny drizzle of syrup or some good quality vanilla yogurt. I'm fussy about my yogurt. I only buy Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla yogurt - creamy and wonderful, no splenda or scary artificial crap involved.

Thursday and spring is one week away...

This morning as I write I'm enjoying a bowl of organic steel cut oats, washing it down with a big glass of OJ and feeling mighty grateful to be on the upside of being down. Wow...what a week - cold, flu, sinus infection - I was clobbered all at once! No big deal though, I'm so much better now, it was just my turn. That's all. I've been healthy all winter long, so I've nothing to pout about. Plus, thanks to the never fail "flu diet," my pants are a bit looser on the hip.

Funny thing is though, last weekend after 24 hours of misery and WAY too much time spent in the "powder room," I thought hmmm...let's see if there's at least a slim silver lining to my malaise. I stepped on my bathroom scale, glanced down and yelled (screamed actually) WTF??? (and i used the real words) That shitty, lying little hunk of metal was trying to tell me I had gained 12 pounds. Then I remembered...the Grandbeans had been futzing around with the scale during one of our countless brushyourteethwashyourhands sessions. Relieved, I laughed while adjusting the gauge, stepped back on was happy to see 4 pounds shed. Not that it matters really, but if you're going to be spilling your guts in agony it's nice to be rewarded at least a little for your efforts, right? So, that being said, it's back to feeding my body health in the form of food. Steel cut oats? Yum. I mixed in a few cloves of roasted garlic and a little carrot puree and topped it with a sprinkle of fresh Parmesan and some pine nuts. Feeding my body right just tastes good. And I've got a double batch of my home made granola in the oven. Someday I'll share that recipe with you - it's the best, hands down.

I wanted also to say just a few more words about the book that I raved about last week - Iodine by Haven Kimmel. My passion remains about this one. The writing was spot on. With phrases like, "I loved him with an ache like a hillbilly song" I couldn't help but to fall in love with this writer, her writing. But I want to be honest with you, this book isn't for every one. It's not The Lovely Bones, it's not Wonder When You'll Miss Me. This book is gritty, a cacophony of madness, pain, myth and delusion. But it's redeeming as well. Intoxicating. It's been a long while since I've read a book that I think about in the minutes after I wake in the morning. The reviews on Barnes and Noble and Amazon are mixed. In my opinion, those that gave less than favorable ratings just didn't get it. This is a book where the reader has to place trust in the author. I did, and I was entranced. And the ending. OMG the ending. It all comes together right there.

And speaking of writing, again I thank you. For reading. My writing. I take seriously what I do, what I say. I am humbled that you pay attention.

So, lucky us. For health. For books. That give us wings.

-t.

the picture? my beautiful granola sitting upon the painting that tyler and i did together

while ella napped during our visit last week.

oh, don't let's ask for the moon. we've already got the stars...

i put down my book

folded my glasses and shut out the light

snugasabuginarug

covered in a tapestry of warmth

listening to the wind

i imagined it was a kite

my hand reaching

latching onto the tail

soaring, swinging wildly through the night

the clouds and the moon

coloring this nocturnal adventure

holding on with all my might

through hair pin turns

the ups and downs

sometimes scared, almost letting go

but holding fast

knowing

morning comes, and with it

sunshine, springtime

new life, fresh start

thepromiseofanewday

and me

richer, stronger, more sure of myself

for having held on

not knowing where the ride would take me

suddenly aware that i have wings

which allow me to fly

i just have to believe

in me

and the stars, the moon, the sky

and destinations unknown...

-t.

the title? well said from one of my very favorites, bette davis.

the picture? van gogh starry night.

the movement in this picture says what my heart feels,

also one of my very favorites.

the road to hana...

you tell me your secrets

i trust you with mine

the sound of your laughter

chases away clouds

and allows the sun to shine

you're the best friend that i never knew

but always, forever had

it wasn't until the turn of a page

the sound of the ocean

that we finally had our sleepovers

laughing ourselves silly

me talking, you holding the wheel

who was your favorite brady girl

i learned you liked green olives on pizza

and the scary stuff too

the c-word (you), the a-word (me)

both of us learning to trust in life again

promising secrets to be kept forever

my shoulder yours

yours mine

in knowing you

i discovered

the

sister of my heart

without words we speak

with our hearts

a conversation

that can only be understood

by

soul mates

you and i

happy, happy birthday

my dear nans

-t.

I dare you...

to pick up this book

by haven kimmel

and put it down willingly

how did i miss this author

???

i have a copy of a girl named zippy on my book shelf

but this...

wow

Iodine by Haven Kimmel

gritty, razor sharp,

edgy, a little uncomfortable

but real

i wish i could write like this

tonight it's me

this book

a bowl of buttered popcorn

crown and diet keeping ice cubes company in my glass

spring whispering that it's close at hand through my window

the house is quiet

the only sounds are the words of this book

filling my head

what would life be like

if not for the stories

we read to ourselves

alone

-t.

p.s...if you liked Wonder When You'll Miss Me by Amanda Davis, then you're going to like this!

Checking in...

Sometimes it sucks to be the eternal optimist. Seems like no matter what the situation, I'm always trying to see the silver lining, the bright side, refusing to let disappointment steal away a moment of life. Ephemeral, precious, never to be taken for granted. I've stated in prior posts my philosophy on life. Most who know me well know how upbeat and positive I am. I guess I should forewarn the reader - this is not your typical "every thing's coming up roses" post.

I don't know if it's the weather (I've even looked at the bright side of that - delighting in the beauty of silvery snowflakes glistening in the street lights, that whole deal), the grim economic news (which I avoid by simply tuning out), or just what. I've just been in a bit of a funk. For weeks now, a funk. I wake up in the morning deficient of enthusiasm. I'm exhausted at the end of the day. Simply said, I just feel sort of empty, which is ridiculous I know because my life is filled with friends and family. But that's just the way I feel lately. That's why I've been a little resistant to blog. I worried that my feelings would spill into my writing. Or that I wouldn't write what I feel thus giving an inauthentic representation.

I'm not saying these things in an attempt to send out a poor me shout. I'll get through it. We women always do, don't we? I just wanted to be honest. To say that I'm sorry to those who check my posts and haven't seen anything new in a while. Every party indeed has a pooper; I just hate it when the pooper happens to be me. And in this case, I'll practice the advice I tend to preach to my sister, my daughters, friends, when they're in a similar state. I'll go within. I'll take care of myself - focus on how to feel better.

I began my ditch the emotional bullshit therapy last night. I spent the past 24 hours with my little Beans, Tyler and Ella. Took a vacation day today and slipped into a time warp. I became quasi-mommy - RaRa to the Beans, and I loved every minute of it. We painted, colored, sung, danced, took walks with our shadows on a gorgeous late winter day. Screw Prozac, just spend a little time with someone under 5 and you'll regain your perspective before you can say "Backyardigans" five times fast. Tomorrow morning when I make my way down to my kitchen the first thing I'll see is the picture Tyler drew of himself along with me and Ella. Us three with big smiles, bright eyes and crazy hair (which actually pretty well resembles the mess on my head). There's no substitute for the good feelings which have come from the time we spent together.

When they left to go home tonight Tyler got that "all saddy" look on his face. He had as much fun as I did, and like me he was sad to say goodbye. And my heart stirs just thinking about how important they are to me, and me to them. My heart honestly, physically stirs.

As people, as women, we maintain an incredible resiliency. We just keep going, keep doing. We get down in the dumps, feel sort of purposeless on occasion. But we take a deep breath. Brush our emotional selves off. And we move on, realizing that what's important, what matters, is our own creation. And we create our emotions too; we're solely responsible for our happiness, our tears, our sense of worth. It's not anyone else's job to pull me out of this funk, but mine alone. It won't take much to turn things around. Especially when I consider my blessings, particularly two named Tyler and Ella.

Thank you Tyler Bean.

Thank you Princess Buttercup.

You made my day.

love,

RaRa

-t.