just for the sake of saying i wrote today...

i'm so, so grateful for...

1. friends. book club friends. library friends. roberta. peggy. carolyn. nans. my little sister cyndi. nancy k. irene. so many more. how did i ever manage to deserve such collegial bounty?
2. my job. the opportunities it presents. books. programs. trips. people. i live my dream each day of the week. and i get paid for it.
3. my husband. my high school sweetheart. his love. his support and help. the fact that at 6 a.m. he got up and shovelled the drive and then came in and cleaned our bathroom. i'm such a slob and he's my absolute perfecto polar opposite. but he always says "we make a great team." i love you D.
4. coming home tonight after a wintry wonderful bus trip day to a quiet house, a glass of pinot (or three) white cheddar popcorn and a good book (wideacre - philippa gregory's first novel - cheezy, but i'm in my "free read" zone)
5. looking forward to my annual holiday book club luncheon tomorrow - amazingly wonderful women who are SO MUCH fun to be with. i. simply. can't. wait.
6. writing. because when you do it, you can do it however you want. simple, or complex.
7. thinking each day that, although i don't always write, it's there waiting for me for when i allow the time.
8. seeing the pabst mansion for the very first time and feeling alive with inspiration at what surrounded me.
9. my antique shop steals - two shiver my spine pictures that hid away in wait, only for me to find them.
10. the fact that my friends won't let my granola dream die, no matter how much i push it off. thank you.

my slightly wine-soaked head's headed for the sofa. my favorite christmas quilt. a pillow to rest my head. those cheezy "fa la la la la lifetime" christmas movies. and quiet. peace in my life. rest. and getting ready for tomorrow when i celebrate with friends. friends in books. what better friends could there be.

tomorrow is st. nicholas eve. get your list ready:)

feliz...

-t.

right here, right now is the only place i wanna be...

i'm awed by those moments in life where the universe expresses to me that right now, right here, i'm exactly where i'm meant to be and doing what i'm meant to do. without a doubt, just me here, right now, living this life. this whole week, the last few in fact, have been a succession of just such days. i'm at such peace with this right now and i'm ever so grateful for the realization. grateful for so very much these days. but today, especially grateful for this.

"that is happiness; to be dissolved into something that is completely great."

willa cather

namaste,

-t.

ps...photo taken with love by me, setting courtesy of the mighty one

lakewood forest preserve on a frosty fall morning

pancakes as promised...

to accompany this post, i wish i had a nice picture of the steamy good stack of pancakes i stirred up yesterday morning. sadly those babies are gone, except for a single two stack serving which i'll lovingly serve to the huz this morning for breakfast. i know i'm really talking it up big about these pancakes, but they're worth every word of praise. when it comes to my cooking, there's a few things i'll really crow about - my way with conjuring up soups you'd steal for, of course my granola:), my fricking ridiculous giardelli bliss bars and last, but certainly not least, my pancakes. they're my ultimate comfort food. every time i eat them i say right out loud to whoever's listening, "i make the best pancakes. i love my pancakes."

now i know there are those dishes where, when prepared, you're the star of the show in your kitchen - admit it! there are just some things you create that deserve a standing ovation. give yourself the applause you deserve and the next time you bless your loved ones with the gift of enjoying the fruit of your culinary labors, say it out loud - DAMN I'M GOOD. THIS IS BEST_______I'VE EVER HAD! YOU ALL ARE LUCKY TO BE EATING THIS RIGHT NOW, WOULDN'T YOU AGREE??? never mind the silly look they give, you know you're the cat's ass of your kitchen domain.

anyhow...here goes, my recipe for healthy, delicious, satisfying, stick with you, honestly good for you pancakes. my own recipe, made by altering, adding to, subtracting from other recipes i've found over time. at the end i've added additional ideas for making these little love cakes even more healthy, more good for you.

terri's good-for-you whole wheat pancakes

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup non-fat milk (i use plain soy milk, but dairy is fine too)

1/4 t. baking powder

1/2 t. baking soda

1/2 T. sugar (use a T - what looks to you like half is half)

1 t. vanilla

1 egg white

1 T. extra virgin olive oil

chopped apples, pears, blueberries, strawberries - whatever you have on hand

cheese slices - cheddar, jack, or what have you

blend all ingredients together in a medium size bowl (by hand, don't use a mixer). brush a pancake griddle, skillet, or whatever pan you use for pancake with a little olive oil. pour batter onto griddle - each pancake is a scant 1/4 of batter. as soon as you pour the batter out, sprinkle your fruit onto each pancake. flip when ready. now get ready, here's the secret - between each two pancake stack, insert a hearty slice of cheese. sharp or regular cheddar works best, don't use american cheese - yuk! one serving equals two pancakes with your cheese tucked between the two. top cakes off with BONAFIDE maple syrup (life's too short to eat the fake stuff, i don't care how nice mrs. butterworth is)

healthy heart version (which i made yesterday) to recipe add 1/4 cup quick oats and 2 T oat bran. spill a little more milk into the recipe - about 1/4 cup. what a boost and SOOO good for your heart.

note - you can top your cakes with the cheese slice right after you've flipped the cakes. these little gems go really well with the chicken/apple/maple breakfast links that whole foods sells in their fresh meat department. YUM!! i've typed this out so fast this morning, so if i haven't made things clear to you please post your questions and i'll answer them. or call me at the library:) speaking of the library, i've gotta get my butt in gear! time to get ready for my day...whip up today's breakfasts and lunches (i've had brown rice cooking away as i write - i love adding a half cup to my salad, a big nutrition punch), kiss the huz out the door, head out for my walk in the woods, then home to get ready for work.

wishing you a wondrous wednesday

and happy stacks of pancakes...

-t

"a casa in natura..."

most mornings these past few weeks (say 6 out of 7)

i've been skipping the gym and hitting the trails

of the forest preserve that's right in my back yard.

for me it's church, sanctuary,

connection with He who is far larger than me.

this morning i parked the car, grabbed my camera,

took a deep breath and felt a smile warm up my face.

in the field off to the right of the path, an enormous

gaggle of geese were hanging out, snacking on felled

soybeans left by the recent swoosh of a thresher.

i put on my long lost ten year old self and like a crazy
person ran through the field chasing up the geese.
boy did they give me a telling off, honking in shouts
for me to get off their turf.
they honked, i laughed, and i like to think
that we all had a spot of fun together
on the dawn of this blessed blue grey autumn day.

i never worry about walking on my own
because i know that wherever i go, i'm not alone.

the wind rustling through the now bare trees,
dried grasses and rushes plays a symphony
for me of movement, music, sight, sound.


here i find peace, prayer, creativity.
i hear my voice and the voice of my maker.
this is my heaven right here on earth where
i'm humbled, blessed, listened to and loved.
ever changing, always alive,
just waiting for me to step on the path.

in gratitude and love,
-t.

p.s. coming tomorrow (and i promise) my recipe for the best pancakes on the planet
which i enjoyed following my walk in wonder this morning. happy day to you today:)

"she is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain..."

i'm babying my gym-sore muscles and keeping to my kitchen on this fog-blind rainy morning. it's my favorite sort of stay at home day - a rainy, grey, tuck yourself inside sort of day. i'm only home for the morning though. i'll be working a noon to niner because tonight i have book club. my favorite, no contest FAVORITE part of my job at the library. and this morning, in addition to finishing up the book we'll be discussing tonight - Shutter Island by Dennis LaHane (must use caps properly when referring to books and authors) - i'm working on our 2010 reading lists. i've got my titles narrowed down. rounding the bend to having it all wrapped up.

selecting titles for my two reading clubs is a task i'm uber serious about, hashing, rehashing, erasing, adding, scribbling notes on genre, place, characters, timing. and although so much work goes into it, this is a honest labor of love. crazy love. i'm certifiably nuts over books. always have been. the day i learned to read is pretty much paramount (to me, a bibiophile) to the day i took my first breath. i find life in books. stories. call me a bonafide book geek, cuz they're my number one hobby.

so as i finish up this process of honoring my "book club endorsement" to 22 titles that my 2 books clubs will pour through in the upcoming year, i do so with a big smile. a strong feeling of contentment and gratitude. for this grey morning (which if i were a better writer, i'd have a really cool metaphorical description of). my lists (something else i'm passionate about as a fervent reader - reading lists - and mine are the BEST in my humble opinion). a candle burning. a big fat mug of hot coffee. the cat lying next to me. and the thought of all those months ahead...sharing the joy of the story and of all the places we'll go together, my book club friends and i, on the wings of a book.

love from my kitchen on a tuesday morning,

-t,

"read, read, read."

william faulkner

tuesday, october 27th...

i've been so frustrated with myself lately regarding my writing. through the course of a day there are so many things that inspire me to write, but for some reason those thoughts have a tough time making their way from my brain to the keyboard. i get all inspired, log on to blogger, start writing and then just sit and...well, just sit. not much more.

but today is different. i want to get this down quick, it's early in the morning. busy time for me, and for most everyone else too. getting the healthy lunch packed, cats fed, pouring coffee down my throat, getting my butt to the gym before the work day (sure fire stress buster-i'm back in the zone after a long hiatus). but today i wanted to make sure to get this one story down. this one thought.

yesterday while going through my morning paces (mentioned above) my brain was doing it's best to try to talk me out of going to the gym. i'm so glad i didn't listen. got to the gym, stowed away my bag, plugged into my ipod and got busy on the treadmill. as i was warming up i noticed larry, an old fella who's at the gym most every morning. health wise, larry's had some pretty close calls over the past couple of years. he keeps up with his exercise though. he and his wife. when i don't see him there for more than a few days in a row i get concerned that everything's okay with him.

this summer though, i haven't seen larry much. i've opted for outdoor exercise in the morning...walks in the woods, riding my bike, running, so i've been kind of scarce at the y. i'm back on track though and as usual, as i was climbing up on the treadmill yesterday i noticed larry, and of course i gave a wave and a smile. i didn't think too much of our exchange after that, just huffed and puffed my way through the first course of my workout. after 20 minutes i switched machines, again doing my best to talk myself through a few miles of running (without the benefit of a sunrise, the smell of the woods, the beauty all around me).

it was beauty of a different nature that took me by surprise as i made my way into mile two. as i saw larry approaching i disengaged my earplugs for a quick "hi larry, how're you today? it's good to see you!" this was his response back to me..."terri, i want you to know how much it means to me when you say hello to me every morning. it really makes my day. your bright smile, your energy...well, it really makes a difference to me in the morning. your friendliness and positive outlook really mean a lot to me and i wanted you to know that."

i'm not trying to engage my audience in loud applause, not writing this to give myself a hearty pat on the back. i will say though that i am a pretty positive person. almost annoyingly so. the reason i share this story is because i think it's important to remind ourselves of the affect we have on others without paying notice. it's funny how we don't even realize how a kind, heartfelt "hi, how are you" can be a real difference maker in someone's life, how our attitude - positive or otherwise might affect another. and furthermore, how infinitely important it is to pay mind to the fact that "an old fella at the gym" isn't just an old fella, but another heart, another soul to connect to if only with a simple smile and hello.

today is particularly significant with respect to what i'm speaking of. there was another instance, another person who touched my life in just such a way. a library patron with an enormous heart, a beautiful spirit, who really made a difference in my day whenever i saw her at the library. she always took the time to say hello, how are you doing my dear, how's your dad, your family, how's that grandson doing? through these casual exchanges we became friends - an unlikely friendship, her being in her seventies and me on the fun side of forty. in the course of our friendship, "my miss nancy bebarski" helped me through a very difficult time in my life.

my miss nancy moved away a couple of years ago. before she left we met for breakfast. one last time enjoying the company of one another. it was so hard to say goodbye that morning. actually, i don't think we even said it. we just hugged. a long hug. as i walked to my car i felt the tears come on, and before i drove off i sat and had a good cry. i think she did too. her car didn't leave the parking lot any quicker than mine did. we both knew that would be the last time we'd see each other.

my miss nancy bebarski is an angel in heaven now. i'll be attending her visitation later today, seeing her for the final time and wishing so much that i could hear her voice again, but feeling so blessed that i can still hear it in my mind. and i'll say to her, miss nancy? i just want you to know how much it meant to me to see you in the library. you always made my day. your beautiful smile. your gentle, caring way. your confidence in me. you really meant a lot to me, and i just wanted you to know that.

a lady. at my library. a relationship that began with a casual greeting but developing into so much more. you never know the impact your presence can make in the life of someone else. thank you larry. thanks miss nancy. you've "made" so many of my days.

luv,

-t.

turning corners, changing directions...

isn't this pic the coolest? i love it. it was taken on lake pepin in stockholm wisconsin on a recent visit. huz and i visited the most beautiful place i think i've ever seen. honestly, we both agreed that maui had nothing on this little hidden gem of a hamlet up in the mississippi river just a breath south of minnesota. we hit the road to escape the stress of a most uncertain reality, both in our personal, and also our professional lives. we needed to connect. with ourselves. with each other. since our visit, i feel myself coming back to life a bit. huz has a new direction on his life map - a new job, which he is very excited over. me too. we needed this. a new place. new faces. new opportunities and a new point of interest on the map that is our lives. this has been the happiest, scariest, sometimes saddest, most misunderstood summer of our married life. but we made it. us two. and now? we're feeling pretty good together. so excited for each other. huz with his new job (yay god - thanks to his blessings, and of course to good friends for pointing us toward new directions) me with my kick ass library job and my new granola gig. life's pretty good if you just give it a chance, you know?

this summer we've experienced some very trying times. but with a true and honest love, a firm foundation and blessings from above, we're sure to make it through. when i look at my husband, i see the future. and from where i stand, it looks pretty good. like the beach. at sunset. through the eyes of a child. innocence. trusting love. what more is there to life, when it all comes down to it? being there for each other. the way we promised to be, oh so long ago...in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. you know the verse. and it's through the test of time that those words come to mean so much more...the promise of a lifetime.

wifely words of wisdom (and learning and growing each day)

-t.