January writing promp..."I used to think..."

When I was young, I used to think that I had the power to compel people to change. I thought that if I loved hard enough, believed enough and prayed my guts out I’d have the ability to make change happen. In addition, my immaturity had me believing that change was easily rendered. I gave so little concrete regard to change in its true context, treating it as little more than a word, a wish, a prayer – change for myself and change in others.

I’ve grown though and always, isn’t life the best teacher? Similarly, through intense study and discussion (with my amazing women’s group), I’ve come to appreciate the true essence of change. I’ve gained insight into the fact that change and the power to do so resides only in the individual. No amount of wishing, hoping, “gently” manipulating or controlling will bring about change in another.

These days I find that I’m reminding myself often that the only one I have the power to change or to control is me. Expecting anything more than that is futile – wasted energy, wasted time. When it comes to dealing with the expectations of new outcomes, I look right in the mirror. And in dealing with people in my life that I have a difficult time with, that’s were I begin. That’s where I go – inside myself, with keen awareness that although I can’t change situations or the behaviors of others, I do have that control in how I react.

Transformation is impossible when applied to things which are out of my control, but when I apply it to me, transformation, change, is limitless. Sounds simple, but from a gal who has been known to be a bit of a control freak for the better part of her life, it’s not, hardly. But in identifying and understanding my lack of control regarding others I have found such peace. Likewise I’m finding that the change I was so hoping for tends to happen by osmosis – either I see things more clearly, or in a different way, or I remove myself from the situation or the individual I’m at odds with. And too I tend to give things to God and let him pick up where I leave off in frustration.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Ghandi’s quote dances ‘round my mind often. It’s not an easy practice, but with practice I’ve experienced an enormous sense of liberation - liberation from worrying about things and people I can’t fix – liberation from worrying about things and people that aren’t my business to fix. These days I’m minding my own business. Being the best that I can be and just letting go. I’d like to think I’ve become a better person for it – a better wife, mother, sister, and friend. I love, I pray, I let go and I let God. And you know what? In the end things work out exactly the way they were meant to be without any help from me.

Change is good, change is real.

Change happens when we're willing to do the work.

On ourselves, that is.

striving to do better, everyday...

-t.

although i've been quiet on the blogging front, as always, i think about writing. and when i think about writing, i think about writing as an inspiration. to me. to whomever reads me. i'm over my head with inspiration as this new year breezes in. inspired to be better, do better. in 24 hour increments. not take the whole "resolution" gig 20 pounds at a time, or 3 closets (of organization) at a time. but just day by day. some days i'll celebrate a bit more success, and other days not so much. but i won't beat myself up over it.

i know what i want for myself, and i intend to have it. my buzz word for the promises i've made to myself is "nonnegotiable." nonnegotiable as in, that's the deal - no excuses - you can't go back on the intentions you've set. i just keep thinking about that word, and the impact its had on me. nonnegotiable. this is it. i am so worthy of the agreements i've made with myself. you are too.

i get shivery happy at the promise of the dawn - 24 hours of new possibilities. 1,440 precious minutes to live in the moment. make positive choices for myself. to love. to smile. to be happy. to rejoice and give thanks. and to work, to go in the direction of my intentions.

my huz said it again just the other day when we were out walking - "i can always count on you to put a positive spin on things." that's me, as best i can i'm pretty positive. and i'm positive about the promises i've made to myself. the intentions i've set for myself in this new year. with each new day i'm positive that i'll keep those promises.

how are you doing with your promises? have you given up on yourself? don't. you deserve to live the life of your dreams. just take it a day at a time, and realize how lovely you are and how you so deserve your heart's desire. no matter what it is, if it's for you, then it's worth working for.

woo, heavy for just being back on the page. this is one of the things i want to do better at too. daily blogging. always, i'm all the better for it when i do.

wishing you lovely things

today and all the year through

one day at a time:)

-t.

Library closed...

I'm really excited about heading off to work today. Wait...I'm pretty much excited about that EVERY day - but, well...today's different. Today our director is conducting a staff institute day. A day set aside for training, updating, etc. And quite frankly it's pretty much my favorite work day of the year.

You see, I work with the best group of people. Honestly, the staff at my library are some of the most interesting people I know. They're people I really like to be with. Sound weird, uncommon, when one's referring to their co-workers? Maybe so, but for me this is just one more blessing in my life.

My husband was telling me last night that the company he works for is concerned about the rapid rate of employee "turn around." People come, people go - and quickly. Not so where I work. People come, people stay. And for a LONG time. One of my co-workers was telling me yesterday that with the stress in her life at home she couldn't imagine not having the library to go to each day. Can you imagine?

What's the secret? People. People coming together in a place where they have common interests - books, music, films, information, knowledge. Libraries are the coolest places around. And we're so lucky - in our library we even have a place for everyone. Teens, adults, kids - goodness, our children's department is the most kid friendly place ever. My kids are grown and on their own now but when they were little, even though we lived in the district of another "award winning" library down the street, I ALWAYS brought my kids to Wauconda Library. It's the best.

When it comes to people, I also mean the people who walk through the doors each day - our patrons. Neat people, honestly. We're lucky too that our little community totally embraces and really USES the library. The place is like Grand Central Station pretty much most of the time. A local organization recently did a survey in our community; neighbors were asked to name the spot where they go for recreation and fun. Guess what everyone's favorite was? You got it - the LIBRARY!! Imagine that, a building that holds books, and SO much more.

The schedule for today is a visit to the new Fox Lake Library. We'll meet their staff, have a tour, and scour their collection. It's so good to have an opportunity to do this - travel outside our own front door and see how someone else does it. Compare and contrast, so to speak. I'm pretty excited to see this new library and happy too for the citizens of Fox Lake. They were long overdue for an updated library.

After the library visit we're having a staff lunch. And can I tell you how fun it is to sit and dish with the people I work with? We're a family, that's the way I see it. The afternoon will be spent at our own library, and it's always weird to be there sans patrons. Strange, really. We'll be doing staff training, listening to speakers, etc. The day will end with a "state of the library" address by our director. I always look forward to this too. He'll speak on where we've been, where we're going, and how we can better serve our community.

Do I sound like a dork, being so happy and excited for this day of bibliotecha bliss? Probably. I've been a library geek my whole life long and it's served me well. Books, books and more books. Another form of heaven entirely.

Books do a brain good.

Try a book today:)

Luv,

-t.

Heaven is a place...

When the cold chill pain of losing my dad sets in, I immediately work to re-route my thoughts. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes not. There are times when only tears will do to wash away the sadness of his last days. At least this was how I had been thinking until it dawned on me today (as I sat working away my desk, Pandora radio plugged in to classic Christmas music) that I should be happy. Celebrating actually, for my Dad. This is his first Christmas in Heaven!

All along, while he was so sick and slipping away from us day by day, I leaned on my faith. I spent hours praying over my dad - for God to take him home. With dad, as his witness as he yet again recommitted his heart to Jesus. I know beyond the farthest shadow of a doubt that my Dad's in heaven.

In the grips of losing someone we love, it's easy to rest on the mere "notion" of Heaven. It gives us comfort to think, imagine a better place where our loved ones will be welcomed home and be set free from suffering and illness. But in reality, do we really "believe" in heaven? Why only rest on Heaven's promise at the most crucial moments?

In mourning my Dad, missing him and feeling bad that he's not here with me, I'm going to focus on where he is IS - Heaven. How could I possibly be sad for him when I know (as a child of God) the promise of Heaven and eternal life?

He's there, my Dad's there - in Heaven, at the most precious time of the calendar year. The most celebrated time in Heaven. Christ's birth. He's there for the party! And that's what this daughter is going to focus on in the days to come - my Dad, truly in heaven. Gosh, can you imagine?? Yay Dad! Yay God, for His mercy. His grace. For the promise of the cross. And for Heaven...free to all who believe. And my Dad did. I was his witness. That was his final gift to me, and the best one he ever gave.

Celebrate today, but don't forget to plan for tomorrow.

Blessings,

-t.

Color me a bad blogger. I say that because I recently read on another blog that “a good blogger blogs everyday.” So I guess that makes me a bad blogger. That also makes me guilty of wanting to do so many things, far more than I have time for in a day. And I’m sure that also places me in good company.

The company of you, the company of us. Sisters with a full plate. The alarm clock in the morning sounding off like a pop gun at the starting line of a race. If we listen closely we can imagine a voice from a make-believe press booth yelling out over a crackly PA system, “Annnnddddd she’s off!!” And we are, off and running. Our day a race, the finish line too far in the distance to be visible.

Breakfasts, lunches, work, exercise, jobs, dinners, dishes, laundry, home care, childcare (though not for me, I’m past that but I am happily committed to helping with my Grand Beans whenever I can). Our to-do list agendas for one day could easily fill two or more! Where to find time to be creative? To write, stitch, photograph, scrap, paint, daydream, sing, dance...?

In the little moments, the times in between. We just have to seek, find, and sometimes create that time. It’s so important, vital to who we are and who we’ve yet to become. Time to read. To sit and crochet. To make bread (yep, I’m a crazy bread maker. I cringe when I have to resort to buying it – all this thanks to that “Artisan Bread in 5 minutes a Day" book I’ve been telling you about).

Not only do we have to create time for ourselves, but also we need to make it a priority. Because all work and no play can leave us feeling flat. Uninspired. I hate feeling that way.

I’ve taken to traveling with my crochet bag, wherever I might go. I make no apology for crocheting at family gatherings or in groups of people. When I’m sitting among people I take out my hook and yarn and stitch away, delighting (and participating too) in the conversation around me. I find the act of working with my hands while being stimulated by the talk of kindred spirits which surroudn me to be blessedly gratifying, heaven almost. I can’t think of a better way to totally relax and be at peace.

I seek time for lots of little hobbies – jewelry making, creating art journals (with decoupage – it’s really fun!), crocheting, creative writing, doing a little stitching here and there. And my number one hobby – cooking. I usually have time for that one as one must eat, you know? But I seek to make time for the other things too. I want to be better about that. It’s my play time. I need it. You do too.

Whew...long winded on this delightfully gray (contradiction I know, but I love rainy days) Wednesday afternoon . But it was fun, using my “break time” for “write time.” Ah...onward toward the finish line. Only 6 more hours to go before the day’s race is through. And there I’ll be happy, tired, and thankful for the legs which carried me through my day.

Blessings...

-t.

photo: shot in the forest preserve on a recent frost morning. Often, when asked "How are you" my father in law will reply, "Fine as a frog on a frosty morning." I love that.

it's written in the stars...

My horoscope for November 8, 2010:

The time has now come for you to undertake more difficult tasks.

Indeed, the stars incite you to use the day to your

advantage, Terri. You are full of life, and you should use this

energy to show the world what you are capable of!

Today, you will not be afraid of any work to be done,

and you will also have the capacity to recover your strength afterwards.

The stars are spot on for me this morning as I've lots to do

at work this week. Winter programming text to write, two

book discussions to prepare for in addition to three other

programs scheduled for the week - a diabetes program for

seniors, a fun jewelry class and a concert scheduled for

Sunday - a program honoring the music of 'ole blue eyes,

Frank Sinatra.

In between the responsibilities of the work day, my BFF's

in town, so I'm hoping to squeeze in a wine date with her

(in addition to the martini date we had yesterday, which

I hope to blog about tomorrow). Add to that a visit later today

with another dear friend and her new little baby girl, a shopping

expedition with my sissy on Wednesday evening and a fish fry

dinner date with the huz and yet another tre' dear friend and her huz too

for Friday and a WAY TOO FUN "author party" on Saturday

night - a first for me and also for my sweet friend who has

planned the fun evening and I've got another full week ahead of me!

Work, home, friends, family...that's the way it's been for me lately. A

constant stream, busy but completely in balance. Well...maybe

the "home" part's been a bit neglected lately, but "home" is undergoing

a bit of pre-turkey day renovation and things are a bit upside down

for the time being. But no worries. About the time things slow down

a bit (am taking Thanksgiving week off - YAY!) I'm planning to slow

down a little bit too. For a few days anyway; long enough to get the

house squared away for holiday entertaining. Come turkey day though

hoopla returns. I can't wait - Thanksgiving's my fave holiday, hands down.

Whew...long winded this morning. Didn't mean to be! I've got work to

do and time's a wasting! And just so you know, it feels so good to be

back to blogging again. I really missed it! There's so much I want

to share with you in the days ahead.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...

Happy Monday!

Luv

-t.

Photo: Pisces constellation over desert skies. How cool is that?

carpe diem...

seize the day

for whatever the day brings you.

it's saturday

a day to get things done.

or not.

whatever it is that's on your to-do list to-day,

do it with love.

because its on YOUR list

and that's important.

cleaning the house today?

consider it showing the love

giving care to your surroundings.

heading to the market?

buy yourself something special -

a little pint of ice cream, some chocolate...

you deserve it.

spending the afternoon on the soccer field with your kids?

drink it in -

whistles blowing, parents cheering,

the wide blue sky above you

shining down upon you...

its all yours. today.

or maybe spend the afternoon curled up on the sofa

reading a good book or watching a movie.

why not? and if you're looking for a good book,

check out the list on the right.

i've some wonderful suggestions for you!

i've got my list today too -

a trip up to the farm for the last of our chickens.

free range, organic - i've never tasted chicken such as this!

this year i ordered a turkey from the farm too - a big guy -

we're picking him up too along with our hog from the farm.

a whole year's worth of food for the freezer - what a blessing.

this afternoon i'll be attending my niece's 5th birthday celebration;

a day of family, food and fun.

as i write my little grandson is snoozing away upstairs,

an impromptu sleepover - the best kind!

my little guy will wake up to the scent of fresh bread baking in the oven -

no, i'm not a diva - the recipe is so, so easy and it comes

from one of my VERY favorite cookbooks:

"artisan bread in 5 minutes a day"

by jeff hertzberg and zoe francois

(while you're out today stop by your local library

and see if they have it - you'll love it!)

life is good, and what makes it so are the things on our lists.

the little to-do's that comprise our daily lives.

i'm happy for mine and i hope you are too.

happy saturday dear reader...

-t.

photo - my grandbeans, tyler and ella

who are ALWAYS at the top of my list:)