tuesday, and all is well...

a morning cup of coffee

the buzz of cicadas whirring through

the screen above my kitchen sink

wrapping sandwiches

securing my lunch time salad

with a snap inside a container

fresh local blueberries on top of my yogurt

the delicious scent of my husband

as i kiss him out the door and into his day

sunshine reflecting in water drops

resting on the leaves of my freshly watered garden

rainbows reflecting in water spray

as i allow myself a few

childlike moments to play with the hose

tucked into my colorful cube at the library

i bury myself all the day long

ordering books, books and more books

lists left long unattended

while i muddled through the murky waters

of the past 6 weeks of my life

a call from the doctor

today is a fairly good day for dad, he reports

i'll take it - if only for a moment

for those "good times" are so rare

as i sip my tea the afternoon through

the little yogi tea tag reminds me to

"be happy so long as breath is within you"

and i am, happy

for this blissfully, so far perfect

absolutely normal day

my very favorite kind of day

i happened upon this pretty little prayer

and though to share it with you...

"normal day,

let me be aware of the treasure that you are.

let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.

let me not pass you by in the quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.

let me hold you while i may,

for it may not always be so."

wishing you the profound peace

tucked quietly inside

of a perfectly perfect normal day...

-t.

photo - sharing more "tea tag wisdom" with you:)

"it is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence..."

i find myself upon a crossroad

to the left are words unsaid

unnecessary, futile

seemingly important only to me,

a voice that longs to speak,

express, to be understood

to the right is silence

quiet, peaceful, calm,

a voice which begs to be still

and rest in knowing

that a thousand words can be spoken

in a moment of quiescence

in the wind a gentle voice whispers

"stay to the right"

and i follow

understanding that

for every time there is a season

and this is my time

to be still

listening, learning, and leaning on faith...

-t.

quote: Seneca (5BC - 65AD)

Roman dramatist, philosopher and politician

who also said,

"difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does the body"

unpredictable currents...

Right now I'm at a time in my personal life which bears recording. Experiences, conversations, feelings that at a distant point in the future I just know I'll want to remember. Curiously though, I find words allude me. In attempting to record these last days of my fathers life - my emotions, my scattered thoughts - my pen falls silent. Paralyzed actually. It's said often, "words cannot express," and for me right now this is true.

Words just cannot express what the mind and the heart go through when you're in the process of losing a parent. My Dad. My rock, my whole life long. His pride in me is something that I've never taken for granted. Oh how much it meant to me, each time he said "I'm so proud of you. You've done a good job." For the rest of my life I'll know that, and that will be enough. To know that I led a life that made my father proud.

These days I'm learning so much about myself. Things I'd never of known if not for this experience. I like to think that my Dad is still teaching me, as he has done all my life. And that even when he goes from me, the lessons will continue. Thus far, the most important lesson I've learned is that I'm far stronger than I'd ever figured I'd be when it came to this. To losing him. To letting go. And it's not only my earthly father who has blessed me with this strength, but my heavenly father. My heavenly father, who takes over now as he calls my Dad home.

A few days ago a friend reminded me that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." When I considered what I've been through with my daughter last month, and now this with my Dad, I thought to myself that God's sure showing a lot of confidence in me. My prayer is that I won't let him down. I can handle it. I am strong.

More wise words...my cousin reminded me that in troubled times you have to "let go of the shore and float with the stream." That the river knows where it's going. That if I clung to the shore I'd get hit with debris. Lessons...lessons this proud daughter is learning by simply living the life I have right now and accepting the course of the river.

I can't think of any other time that I've felt this close to God, where the "thin space" seems to be at its thinnest yet. And I can't think of any other time that I've been filled with such a unique sense of gratitude. Though times have been tough, I wouldn't have traded a minute of it, reminding myself that that which doesn't break us makes us stronger than before. I believe this as its proven true for me time and time again.

This moment, this time,

and everything within it,

for this, I am even now being blessed.

Love,

-t.