Tuesday, July 27, 2010

tuesday, and all is well...

a morning cup of coffee
the buzz of cicadas whirring through
the screen above my kitchen sink
wrapping sandwiches
securing my lunch time salad
with a snap inside a container
fresh local blueberries on top of my yogurt
the delicious scent of my husband
as i kiss him out the door and into his day
sunshine reflecting in water drops
resting on the leaves of my freshly watered garden
rainbows reflecting in water spray
as i allow myself a few
childlike moments to play with the hose
tucked into my colorful cube at the library
i bury myself all the day long
ordering books, books and more books
lists left long unattended
while i muddled through the murky waters
of the past 6 weeks of my life
a call from the doctor
today is a fairly good day for dad, he reports
i'll take it - if only for a moment
for those "good times" are so rare
as i sip my tea the afternoon through
the little yogi tea tag reminds me to
"be happy so long as breath is within you"
and i am, happy
for this blissfully, so far perfect
absolutely normal day
my very favorite kind of day

i happened upon this pretty little prayer
and though to share it with you...

"normal day,
let me be aware of the treasure that you are.
let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.
let me not pass you by in the quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
let me hold you while i may,
for it may not always be so."

wishing you the profound peace
tucked quietly inside
of a perfectly perfect normal day...


photo - sharing more "tea tag wisdom" with you:)

Friday, July 23, 2010

"it is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence..."

i find myself upon a crossroad
to the left are words unsaid
unnecessary, futile
seemingly important only to me,
a voice that longs to speak,
express, to be understood
to the right is silence
quiet, peaceful, calm,
a voice which begs to be still
and rest in knowing
that a thousand words can be spoken
in a moment of quiescence
in the wind a gentle voice whispers
"stay to the right"
and i follow
understanding that
for every time there is a season
and this is my time
to be still

listening, learning, and leaning on faith...

quote: Seneca (5BC - 65AD)
Roman dramatist, philosopher and politician
who also said,
"difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does the body"

Thursday, July 22, 2010

unpredictable currents...

Right now I'm at a time in my personal life which bears recording. Experiences, conversations, feelings that at a distant point in the future I just know I'll want to remember. Curiously though, I find words allude me. In attempting to record these last days of my fathers life - my emotions, my scattered thoughts - my pen falls silent. Paralyzed actually. It's said often, "words cannot express," and for me right now this is true.

Words just cannot express what the mind and the heart go through when you're in the process of losing a parent. My Dad. My rock, my whole life long. His pride in me is something that I've never taken for granted. Oh how much it meant to me, each time he said "I'm so proud of you. You've done a good job." For the rest of my life I'll know that, and that will be enough. To know that I led a life that made my father proud.

These days I'm learning so much about myself. Things I'd never of known if not for this experience. I like to think that my Dad is still teaching me, as he has done all my life. And that even when he goes from me, the lessons will continue. Thus far, the most important lesson I've learned is that I'm far stronger than I'd ever figured I'd be when it came to this. To losing him. To letting go. And it's not only my earthly father who has blessed me with this strength, but my heavenly father. My heavenly father, who takes over now as he calls my Dad home.

A few days ago a friend reminded me that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." When I considered what I've been through with my daughter last month, and now this with my Dad, I thought to myself that God's sure showing a lot of confidence in me. My prayer is that I won't let him down. I can handle it. I am strong.

More wise words...my cousin reminded me that in troubled times you have to "let go of the shore and float with the stream." That the river knows where it's going. That if I clung to the shore I'd get hit with debris. Lessons...lessons this proud daughter is learning by simply living the life I have right now and accepting the course of the river.

I can't think of any other time that I've felt this close to God, where the "thin space" seems to be at its thinnest yet. And I can't think of any other time that I've been filled with such a unique sense of gratitude. Though times have been tough, I wouldn't have traded a minute of it, reminding myself that that which doesn't break us makes us stronger than before. I believe this as its proven true for me time and time again.

This moment, this time,
and everything within it,
for this, I am even now being blessed.