Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Beads of faith...

Pinch me, pinch me I say to myself this beautiful Tuesday. Am I simply dreaming this perfect day into existence? Though it didn't start out that way for me. This morning's pre-awake sweet dream was interrupted by the whisper of my inner voice saying, "it's time girl, get at it."

I've been working at keeping my thoughts regarding today's to-do list on the "sunny side up." Today was the day meant for routine maintainence health testing - all that girly crap. A day I dutifully mark on my calendar, dreading it but at the same time thanking my lucky stars that I have good doctors and insurance to match.

Grumbly though, that' s what I was at the sound of the NPR announcer's voice - my wake up alarm. And I shouldn't of been grumbly, especially considering my 21 day pledge to remain "complaint free." (See my current reading) The minutes following multiplied into an hour and before too long I was out the door, audio book in tow for the ride to and from (again, see current reading list - The 19th Wife - shocking!!).

As I sat in wait from test to test, three to be exact, crocheting away my complaint, I was taken by a woman sitting close by. A few minutes before she sat waiting with her daughter, who appeared to be close to my own age, 50-ish. Her daughter at this time was undergoing her test. As I sat stitching my eyes lifted toward the woman's mother, singular now as she awaited the return of her daughter. I couldn't help but be taken at the movement of her lips, silently mouthing prayers being counted off on the rosary wrapped around her fingers.

The woman's face held no worry. Her expression was one of will, of faith. Prayerful, obviously. And I couldn't help but feel blessed myself, sitting so close to one so deep in prayer. With everything going on around us, we were two people alone in faith - her for her daughter and the power of prayer, and me in gratitude for being right there, right then. Again, I was reminded of the importance of being in the moment. If I hadn't been, then I would have missed it.

After my test battery I headed home to prepare for the rest of my day. A one to nine shift at the library. Writers' group tonight. A two hour stint at the reference desk during the "witching hours," from three to five - the harried two hours between "school's out" and dinner time. All the while, once more I find myself enmeshed in the thick of what's going on around me.

Life in a library at the busiest time of day. Life in a library at any time of day. In my book (pun intended) the library's pretty much the best place to be. Everything happens at library, just open a book! And I once more I was filled with gratitude...for my job. That I get to spend my day in a library. Be with library people - patrons and staff. If I could have said it out loud I would have, "Thank you God for letting me work here, in my hometown library, right here, right now, with all of these people all around me."

A simple day in the life...but so damn rich. What joy I found today in my surroundings. Sharing a laugh with the lab techs (it's laugh or cry and I always choose to laugh). The woman with the rosary. Oh how I pray her prayers are answered. And tonight after work I'm heading to my daughter's. She'll have popcorn and a bottle of wine ready. For the second week in a row we're having a "tv night." We're both hooked on the new Showtime program The Big C. If you haven't seen it, you should. There's a mighty message inside this smart little "dramedy." Live for the moment. Look around you. Grab your joy, don't let anyone or anything steal it away from you. And for me the greatest joy is in the world around me, as it happens moment by moment.

All in all, a very good Tuesday.
Hope yours was too.


Monday, September 13, 2010

"you alone are enough to face the sunrise..."

experience is the greatest teacher...wow, how i know the truth in that statement. i think of the ebb and flow of this summer, of the past year of my life. all i've been through and who i've become as a result. had i not experienced the pain, frustration, uncertainty and doubts which have landed at my feet over these past 12 months of my life, i wouldn't be who i am today. and i like who i am today. i like the stronger, more certain me that i've become. i like the heights i'm reaching for and knowing that they're attainable, reminding myself that i'm stronger at carving out new paths because of the uncharted ones i've traveled these past months of my life.

years ago i worked diligently on a cross stitch sampler. worked on the project for a year. stitched into the design were the words, "each dawn is a new beginning." i framed the finished sampler and gave it to my parents for christmas that year. that piece has come to mean so much. to them. to me. the sampler sits in my basement now, awaiting a spot on the wall of my mom's new apartment. i happened by it as we were moving her in last weekend.

"each dawn is a new beginning." the words reminding me that change is inevitable. that dark nights bring bright dawns ~ sunrise and the promise of a new day. a fresh start. and like making it through an unsettling dream on a stormy night, we gain strength and clarity with the light of a new day.

the dawns of the last 365 days of my life have, with each 24 hour period, made me stronger and more sure of who i am and the decisions i've made. i don't doubt them. and i don't doubt me. i no longer doubt my strength or my ability to make it through tough times. those times are going to come again, that much i know is true. but i also know what's to be gained by muddling through adversity. with a wing and a prayer we make it through. into the light of a better day.

wishing you the sunrise,
all the day through...