Thursday, January 20, 2011

Lost in thoughts of you...



today i wish there was a place i go could
where i would see you
your gentle, loving, father face
not like the last time i saw you
but maybe a month before that
when you were in the car, ready to go
and we were talking, even though mom
had the car running and exhaust fumes
clouded our conversation
i can remember how your face looked
in conversation with me
and after you left, i’d wished i’d taken
that conversation more seriously.
‘cuz i had a feeling about that conversation,
that day, seeing you enjoy your family,
playing with tyler and ella
oh, the look on your face that day
the next time i saw you there was worry
mixed with pain and exhaustion
but even still, on that day,
we had a little bit of conversation and
i cooked for you and you said
“honey, this is so good”
i guess that’s my fear, dad, that i will forget...
your face, your loving eyes
and the gentle sound of your voice.
for just one moment,
i just wish i could hear your voice again.
for this moment, in my desire to see you
i look up.
my eyes fixed on heaven.
my worry abates.
the sound of your voice fills my mind.
music, to my ears.
“there’s a new dawn for me”
you told me and i know
you’re home, but you’re here too,
watching me, listening, guiding even still.
and today, like so many days since you’ve been gone,
i want you to hear me say,
i love you dad.
like my heavenly father is with me,
i will never let you go.

-t.

this post went right from heart and onto the page - no editing, which probably shows -
but sometimes i think we need to do that. just let it spill. say the words. feel the emotion.
today i do, feel a lot of emotion, and this is my healing.


5 comments:

  1. This is such a beautiful and touching sentiment, Terri. Hang in there, Friend!

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  2. Loved it!
    Emotions seem to fly at me as you expressed...
    Keep posting!
    Tc.

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  3. This posting made me cry. Tomorrow, Sat., Jan. 22nd would have been my dad's 85th birthday. It has been 25 years since I have heard his infectious laugh and enjoyed his smiling face. Love never dies but sometimes it really hurts.
    Blessings!
    Joannie

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  4. oh so beautiful writing and glad to see you are putting pen to paper. Hopefully the blizzard will give you even more time to write.

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  5. I have followed your blog for sometime and somehow missed this one. I lost my daddy in January and I still long for him. Thanks for sharing your raw emotions. Please follow my blog as well.

    Happy writing.... it does bring peace! :-)

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