Tuesday, October 6, 2009

absent...

from my life as i knew it. seems like from my own self these days. just not there. somewhere else. wishing i could get back. not knowing which way out from what's keeping me from being "happy, sun-shiney" me. read this here friends, this is no call for sympathy or concern. i'm just weathering times right now that test the will, the strength, the ability to move forward and leave what's done behind me. we've all had times such as this, and i know i've said that before. here. and we all get through eventually, don't we? but despite that, it doesn't make a rough road much smoother, does it?

i've missed writing, but i've been kind of hiding out. keeping away, not sharing words that might give clue to the feelings i just can't express right now. i'm hopeful. always, i'm that. if there's one thing about me, it's that terminal positivity which makes me, well me i guess. it's there, somewhere. but right now i'm just doing. doing my best to recognize and give thanks for the blessings that come with each day. trying to see my way ahead of the uncertainty that lies before me. trying to convince myself that i can trust, believe, "move forward."

i'm writing tonight by request. someone i love very much has missed my words, and for that i'm touched and so grateful. hang in there with me, okay? it's just a time, like others and certainly not the last. trust. move forward. believe. be at peace. just words? or can i finally believe?

as i sit here and listen to the wind blowing change in all directions outside my window, i'm wondering where it will take me. i wish i could just grab onto a windy coat tail. ride away to destinations unknown. where winter is just another sunny day, no bone chilling days forcing me to stay hidden indoors.
a short story - life being stranger than fiction,
-t.

5 comments:

  1. So happy to hear your words once again despite all the stuff life is throwing your way. Writing doesn't always need to be sunny because I know how therapeutic it is for you.

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  2. Sadly, it's been way too long since I have read this blog and I can tell you - you are not alone in the "hideout". Even though this post is 2 weeks old, it applied today in my life. Is is the anticipation of winter and the gray, gloominess that accompanies it, or is it something else? I think it's a combination of both, but what the other is I haven't figured out yet. Something is missing, or lacking, or maybe there is too much of something. I don't know. But I do know that I have to let go of the feeling that I need to be my sunshiney self and just be my sunshiney self. Haven't we talked about this before? It's our choice - so let's choose it. We have to make the effort each day to choose happy, some days it's easier than others. Some days it's natural, others not so much. Keep smiling, T. I'm smiling with you :) -Katie

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