looking at life from upside down...

at least that's the way it seems. lesson learned and confirmed over the past 5 days is that life can change at a moments notice. does, in fact. we 'gotta face up to this, realize that it happens to all of us. the when and why of it remains a mystery, the timing left to destiny's whim.

i won't go into it at length, but this happened to me this week. or more correctly, it happened to my daughter. my daughter i wrote of in my last post. tuesday night my 31 year old beauty hops into bed after tucking the babies in. wednesday morning she wakes up and her life is drastically changed.

after pokes and probs and tests and wringing of the hands, it has been determined that my daughter has suffered three small strokes. again, she's only 31. the culprit? a little hole in her heart. one like her mama has, only mine knows how to behave. thankfully she's okay...no profound damage or side effects from her little brain twist. after a little physical therapy her body should right itself.

surgery is called for now, and as soon as possible. a procedure will be done which will place two tiny "umbrella like" pieces on the inside and outside of the little hole in her heart. push the button, umbrellas open and hole is plugged. that's the simple version. and prognosis beyond that is excellent. she'll be back to keeping her crazy schedule in no time flat.

thank god. thank god it wasn't worse, for it certainly could have been. thank god we're close, both personally and geographically. we're 4 minutes apart, door to door. thank god for my family. we're already mighty tight but stuff like this just strengthens the bond. thank god for my grandbabies, tyler and ella. they kept me sane. being with them kept the worries at bay. thank god for my faith. most of all for my faith. i rest in the assurance that god will take safe care of my precious girl. and thank god for friends. i didn't even need to ask...they're already taking care, providing meals, love and a shoulder to lean on.

don't let the media fool you into thinking it's all gloom and doom

look around you, at the faces of the people you love

and at the faces of people who love you.

we live in a wonderful world

just like the song says.

happy memorial day weekend

i'm taking it easy,

but not resting fully until the umbrella's up.

-t.

footsteps to the year 2022...

panting, sweaty, and tired but refreshed after a good long run in the forest preserve this morning, i plopped my keys and my ipod down on the counter and grabbed for the phone. i needed to call my daughter, quick. quick before she headed out the door with my grandson tyler for the walk to the bus. the bus that would take him to school where he would spend his last day as a kindergartner.

before the bus carried tyler off i wanted to talk to him. to tell him that i love him, that i'm proud of him for how far he's come these past nine months. i wanted to wish him a good day at school, this last day as a kindergartner, because in just a few hours he'd be an official "first grader." i just wanted to hear his funny, scratchy precious little voice, how it sounds today. that voice will change in a few hours. the only ones capable of detecting that hint of change will be his mother and me. we'll hear it. we'll recognize it. and we know the changes that first grade will have (full days spent away in school) on that voice.

tyler's little boy days are becoming a commodity. priceless days worth their weight in gold. far be it for me to even consider squandering a second, a minute, an hour. and i wanted to make sure that he knew how precious he, in his little boy self, is to me.

unfortunately he was in a bit of a snit at the time i called. just prior to the ring of the telephone tyler and his little sister ella had a disagreement. apparently ella had said something which hurt tyler's feelings, so at my call he was all broody and wouldn't come to the phone. no worries, i said on speaker phone (for he WAS going to hear what i had to say) and proceeded to wish him well and give him my love. then as i was speaking with my daughter i could hear tyler and ella in the background continuing their squabble.

after a sigh and a "hold on a minute mom" i listened to my daughter douse the fire. not with punishing words, but with words that build. words that teach understanding and respect. and with the sound of her voice i was overcome with admiration and pride in this beautiful girl of mine. this strong, fierce, wise and loving mother, my daughter. i thought of the times that i said some of the same words to her, words that i was now hearing her impart on babies of her own. more words too, far wiser, most likely reaching further than those i used so many years ago. continue to use actually, as i still have a college son at home, though he seems to be doing a fine job in making his own way in life.

the morning's conversation with my daughter and my grandson (who remained silent, but i knew he heard every word i said) was such a blessing. one more which comprises my life. a life that is my family. it's what i do, why i am. they're all i'll ever need. i am rich beyond measure because of what we share together. i'm glad i get that - realizing what's real. recognizing true riches, the only ones that matter.

wishing you blessings,

you and your family...

sure to recognize them for the treasure they are

and never discount the treasure that is you.

-t.

photo is of tyler (my little bubba-lou) early last summer

i'm very proud to say that he has my eyes:)

can i just say something?

i'm stumped and just a tad miffed. or maybe i'm simply naive and lack a clear understanding of why people blog, what their purposeful intent truly is. sometimes i even wonder why i do this. but when i don't blog (write. for me it's about the writing) i miss it. i feel bad when i let my blog go unattended. i do that often, irritatingly often. i always mean to do better but life gets in the way.

i blog for a creative outlet. i blog to share my humble words. and i'll admit, it really is a wonderful feeling to have a reader say "WOW" occasionally. but that's not what i'm looking for. that's not why i'm here. i'm here because, when i have time, i love to play with words and share them. i also love to read other blogs and be inspired by the creativity i find - so much of it really. i'm frequently in awe of the minion of talented people just throwing themselves into blogland, all for the reading pleasure.

my purpose of this rant is to try to gain some understanding of why people post comments only for the purpose of advertising their blogs. i really don't like that. sometimes i get a little nervous when i see a posted comment, worrying that if i, or someone who follows my blog clicks on the comment link, they might infect their computer with a virus or something else that follows along those awful lines. is no place sacred? can't people just rest on their own creative merits, casting stones on their own imaginative waters. dare i use the word "opportunists?"

i have my favorite blogs i read, my very most favorite being those created by my friends - brooke, melissa and amy. i do not, and neither do they, use each other's spaces as a method of gaining readers. i post their blogs on my list of faves. if readers have the urge to explore, they're more than welcome to. encouraged even, as i'm positive they're going to like what they find. there are others there too, on my faves list, that are fun, inventive and oh so creative.

i guess i could end this by saying that we're all creative. we all (despite what we tell ourselves) have the ability to create and should do so merely for the purpose of pleasing ourselves. if others respond, the blessing expands. but don't use my space, or anyone elses, to pander your site, or the goods you sell, or your political or religious beliefs. this is a fun and pretty space. i don't want it sullied by erroneous and unwelcome visitors seeking ways to purport themselves on others.

whew...there. i'm done.

happy, peaceful wednesday.

wherever you are, be the best you can be

simply for the purpose of your own delight.

love,

-t.

i've been in a bit of a slump lately

feeling yucky, physically

not taking care of myself the way i should be

funny how, when you eat clean and exercise

and then step off the wagon

for more than a day or two

your body and mind react

in not such a good way

the good thing is

each dawn is a new beginning

each day a new opportunity

to start fresh

make your healthy self happen

i'm two dawns in now

taking time to prepare

food that heals and nurtures

two days in a row of quality gym time

yesterday weight training and a bike ride

today an hour of cardio

walking, climbing, running, pedaling

my way back

to a healthier, happier me

feeling healthy and good about ourselves

is not a luxury

but a necessity

live well..

-t.

this year i finally did it!

these photos are a bit out of order, but that's okay. they tell the story just fine. each year about this time i brouse over local farms in my area that offer shares in community supported agriculture. what that means is that farmers offer folks the opportunity to become "shareholders" of the season's harvest. by becoming a shareholder you purchase your "share" of the seasons bounty with an upfront payment which allows the farmers to purchase seeds, supplies and equipment in order to sustain the growing season. the result of your investment is a weekly share - boxes bursting with in-season and fresh from the farm produce. it doesn't get any fresher than this. or healthier. or better for the environment. or better for our local farmers!

this year i did more than just browse, once again putting it off with "maybe next year." i bought a full CSA share from Earth Harvest Farm located just over the illinois/wisconsin border. not only will i receive my weekly share boxes, but i can also visit the farm, work it when time allows and take the grandbabies for visits so that they can see (for real) where our food is coming from. i'm seriously psyched about it - can't wait for my first share on june 14!

in addition to buying a produce share (all organic, free of the scary stuff) my daughter and i went in on a quarter steer, a half a hog and a few dozen chickens, raised simply and naturally in the purity of native prairie (all purchased through my CSA farm). no antibiotics or growth hormones. grass and organically fed. i'm pretty stoked about that too - locally grown organic foods free of pesticides and chemicals! we've been purchasing organic eggs fresh from a local farm for months now. one of my husband's coworkers supplies us with the efforts of her hens. eggs fresh from the farm are so different in taste, texture, size...once you have them fresh it's hard to resort back to the sickly eggs (even the ones proclaimed to be laid by "happy chickens!) offered at the store.

the price wasn't too bad either, pretty reasonable, in fact, when i consider what i spend at wholefoods. don't get me wrong, i enjoy shopping at my local wholefoods market, but you can pay some pretty steep prices for organic produce there. but it sure makes me happy to know that my food isn't traveling hundreds of miles to get to my table. and that i'm helping to support a family less than an hour north of where i live. the farm also partners with organic growers in michigan. this summer i'll have the opportunity to add fresh, chemical free michigan peaches, cherries, blueberries and apples to my share. my love of cooking is taking a whole new, fresh turn. i'm planning on learning canning and preserving techniques so that next winter i'll still be able to enjoy the "fruits" of my CSA share.

sloppy writing this morning - didn't take much time to wax poetic. i was just really excited to share this information. it's not too late if you're interested or want more information on purchasing CSA shares or finding farms in your area that offer natural and organic produce, dairy and meats. visit www.localharvest.org to find a farm in your area. the site is also an excellent source for farmer's market listings, which are fun too. you can visit "my farm" at www.earthharvestfarm.com.

happy friday - wishing you a peaceful, easy weekend!

-t.

hey there faithful readers, for if you're reading this then you are INDEED faithful. sorry for the absence and with that also i offer thanks that you've stayed with me. the past few weeks have been particularly busy for me. lots going on at work, with a vacation tucked along in between. visited the most beautiful place on earth last week - sedona, arizona. what a place.

corny as it may sound, i find myself changed by the experience. the powerful vortex sights. the magic and spirituality of it's sacred places. all of it combined brought out feelings and emotions which, i'll admit, caught me by surprise. and in the end left me with an overwhelming sense of peace and clarity (the latter of which i'd hope for more than ever). i'll share more of my trip and the discoveries i made, about myself and about the place, in the days to come.

meantime, i'm happily back at work. i feel immense gratitude at having a job that i love so well. the work space was in dire need of a new look so i traded the gustav klimt for a new and earthy southwest look, complete with cactus, a friendly little lizard and an authentic navajo mug rug. the walls of my cube display stunning photos of arizona in all it's splendor and color. what a happy place i've created!

what's that line? bloom where you are planted? i'm planted here, firmly it seems, but boy is it ever fun to travel outside the familiarity of the garden once in a while:) what a way to grow!

wishing you a sweet and peaceful day

and thanking you for visiting me here

and also hoping that you'll continue to do so!

-t.

p.s. hey katie - thanks for the nudge:)

this morning i am sadly moved by the headline weary story of phoebe prince. for those of you who have been fortunate enough to dodge the nightly news, phoebe is the girl who, after living months of torment and hell inflicted on her by her "peers," couldn't bare the pain any longer and chose to end her life.

i'd seen headlines for this story plastered all over the internet news sources, but until today i hadn't chanced to read of such a heartrendering account. this morning though, as i sipped my coffee and perused the top stories on cnn (and yes, it makes me sick to see the attention being wasted on tiger woods - a sorry character indeed) i clicked and read phoebe's sad story.

as i read, my mother's heart felt a stab of pain much as if my own child had felt her pain. who are these people, these heartless teenagers, that could take such pleasure, such satisfaction in hurting someone so? how were they raised that they could be capable of such behaviour? where are their parents? where were the teachers who might have been able to reach out to this girl?

numerous students from phoebe's school admitted that "everyone knew" of the hateful actions and harassment exacted upon her. it was obvious what was happening, yet no one stepped in to defend her. being a teenager is painful in and of itself, let alone being the object of cruel and malicious torture. for all accounts, it appears that the root cause of phoebe's torment was a boy. two boys. all of this over a guy. i shake my head at the waste of it all.

her tormentors were, are monsters. anyone who would turn a blind eye such cruelty also shares the blame. and as parents we're to blame too when we turn our heads on our responsibility in teaching our children the "do unto others" rule, exemplifying in our own actions to love thy neighbor as thyself. who are they to learn from, if not us, the meaning of humility? do we even understand that word - humility? does anyone anymore?

i pray for the soul of this troubled young girl. i pray for her parents. i pray for the sad and sorry hearts of her persecutors - where do they go from here? what hope do they have if, at this early stage of their lives, they are capable of such cruel and despicable actions? and i pray for us, as a people, that we may see the beauty of humanness in the eyes of everyone we meet and that we might realize that as creations of a loving god, there's a part of us in every other living soul. when we're cruel to others, in reality we're only hurting ourselves.

hu.mil.i.ty: noun

1. the quality or state of being humble

2. respectful; feeling or showing

respect or deference

toward other people

in the grand scheme of things, you and me make we.

may we always know that, practice it, and simply...be.

love,

-t.

photo - a flower for phoebe from my collection

taken at the chicago botanic garden in last february