Wednesday, August 5, 2009

thoughts running wild...


Okay, this is going to be a rant, so reader - consider yourself warned. And I'm certainly not following any sort of rules on proper paragraph alignment, grammar, whatever. This is a no holds barred thoughts spilling out onto the page post. So here goes...

Since beginning this blog I've searched for some sort of direction, or meaning, for doing what I do here. I've shared a little of my life, what I love, who I love, what I love to do, all of that. But something's been picking at me, a little voice in my head telling me to use this space for a purpose. To share, to grow, to cry out and let others cry out with me. To inspire, to teach, to share the journey with all of you who read along with me. And trust me, I know there's no cast of thousands here, just a few loyal friends and readers who peak in on my life on a regular basis (and boy, do I feel honored that you do. Truly.)

But that being said, I feel I must share with you the task, the idea, the revelation of what has been given to me. On my early morning forest preserve runs, while I'm pedaling my bike as the sun comes up. As I lie awake at night solving the problems of the world, praying for order, answers, peace. And today, again, running in the forest preserve, a voice saying "Do this. Now. Go home, kick the huz off the computer and write." Today being a notable day, as this is the day that I was supposed to be setting off on my wild west canoe camping free to be me trip which I cancelled for a host of reasons, and wisely so as the huz has been out of work for going on 3 months now. Wise money choice. But that decision remains a bit of a sore spot with me.

I was thinking today about how I've been running around the same mile loop at the forest preserve for the past 5 five years. Around and around, mile after mile. Staying on the same track. And I thought about how that applies to my life as well. Same track, mile after mile, going over the same things I want to change in my life, or make better. And I thought about how we're all pretty much on the same track as far as that goes. We all have those issues in our life - things we know we need to do, or want to do, that would make us healthier, happier, give us personal pride - be it in writing, decorating, painting a picture, getting our body in healthy shape - feeling our absolute best - whatever it is that nags the back of our minds, screaming at us for attention.

Why is it that we put our heart's desire aside, continually, being too busy, not staying the course, not taking action, not allowing ourselves to be important enough? I'm afraid of getting to the end of my life and having a long list of things that I wished I'd done. Actions I wished I'd taken. Places I should have gone. People who I allowed to hurt me that I never stood up to. I know you feel the same way. Deep down we all do.

So here's my plan. In 226 days I will be 50 years old. Whoa. That sounds scary. But its also very exciting. A whole new decade of my life. And when I get there I don't want to be making excuses any more. I want to spend the next 226 days gearing up to celebrate. With you. Us together. I have my list of "Ter Improvements," my goals for myself. Things I want to accomplish and celebrate. If you're in with me, you make a list too. We'll check in with each other, cheer each other on - celebrate the journey of becoming the women our spirit calls us to be. And next March - on the day of the spring equinox (synchronicity or what -rebirth, new life) we'll celebrate our successes together.

I'm going to count the days off in my planner. Number them one by one. Somedays will be easy, others not so much. But I'll be here for you, and you can be here for me. We'll do it together. Make your list. Light a candle for yourself and say a prayer. Most of you see me throughout the month. Let me know if you're in. I'll be your cheerleader. Let's get healthy, clean out our mental closets. Plan a dream. Make it happen. And we'll celebrate together. I'm hoping it'll be a huge party for all of us.

For my part, I'll do my best to inspire both of us. You and me. I'll share my dreams with you, and if you're comfortable in doing so, you can share your dreams with me. I've actually begun the process of taking one of my dreams to the planning table. I'll share more about that with you in the next couple of days. And I hope you'll be inspired to do the same, and in the process inspire me as well.

In closing, because this is such a LONG post (and God bless you for sticking with me here) I just want to encourage you to believe in yourself. Believe in the power of what you can do when you put your mind to it. And believe in what we can do, in the company of friends, together.

In all honestly, just putting this down in words was really scary. But I'm glad I did. There, that's one thing checked off my list:)

growing day by day,
-t.
photo - a narrow walkway between two gorgeous homes in wicker park.
i snapped this photo last saturday on a wonderful visit to bucktown and wicker park.
somehow i just thought it fit my topic.
open the gate.
step into the narrows.
abundance lies in wait on the other side of the fence.


6 comments:

  1. OK Terri, I'm with you. I'll be 62 in March and there have been plenty of things I haven't done with my life. Time is really flying by - faster every day. I'll start my list later today (it's 2:45 am and I'm tired). I look forward to reading your blog and seeing what the future holds - I know only good things!!!

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  2. Oh my - what a post! Your writing is so uplifting and inspiring. I will work on a list too. Can't wait to see yours!

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  3. Hip hip horray, I finally figured out how to follow my daughter's blog!

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  4. I'm with you too, Terri. In 209 days (I just knew you were a March baby too - don't ask me how I know this stuff), I will be 30(wow)and there are things I too would like to do, places I would like to see, books I have had on a list to read for years but never "found the time", goals I have been too afraid of writing down for fear that I won't actually commit and reach them. I have learned throughout my life that it's easier to disappoint yourself than to disappoint others but as I get older, and possibly wiser (hopefully) I believe that we should strive not to disappoint anyone. Especially ourselves. The first thing on my list - to make a list and share it with you (and those of you reading my comments too!) by Friday.

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